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Author Topic: Please review personal statement and recommendation letter  (Read 2798 times)


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Please review personal statement and recommendation letter
« on: January 31, 2012, 11:26:09 AM »


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Re: Please review personal statement and recommendation letter
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2012, 01:18:16 PM »
Hi fmanjili,

I'm only going to comment on your PS, but first off I want to caution you in regards to the open nature of your post.  You may notice, on most other posts, most people do not use their real names and blank out the names of schools/organizations/persons.  The reasons for this are to 1) protect their privacy and 2) protect against potential schools/employers, etc searching out this information in the future.  When I was applying to law school (I'm an alum now), we didn't even post our PS online--it was all done through PM!  It's up to you, but that is my opinion.

On to your PS...I'm going to make a couple of English grammar/vocab points as I understand from your PS that you are not a native English speaker.  1) Try to avoid the passive voice as much as possible--it makes your sentences longer, slows down your narrative, and weakens the phrasing; 2) Your PS is probably too long in its current format for most PS requirements (I'm not sure of course, but this is my suspicion).  One way to make your language more concise is to remove a lot of the "ambiguous" words such as "somewhat of an heir" and "chose to engage" (change to just "engaged").  You will also find that this will speed your narrative along; 3) In some cases, I would reconsider your word choice.  You are praising your parents' independent stance, but "incessant" has a negative connotation (read: annoying) and "vague" does as well.  Also further on you use the word "kid," which is too informal here.  Use "child."

Structurally, I think your PS makes sense.  You add on each new stage clearly and tie the story together well.  I also think your story is interesting and compelling.  If I were you, I would just make sure to trim as much as I can to keep the thread of your narrative moving along.   


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Re: Please review personal statement and recommendation letter
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2012, 04:33:36 PM »
Your statement, above all, had exceptional content.  You have an excellent story to tell, but the tone and style of the statement is not as provocative or as colorful as your content.  It can be considerably enhanced, and you have the numbers to indeed merit admission to DePaul, if not consideration to higher ranked schools (with an addendum for your LSAT score).

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Re: Please review personal statement and recommendation letter
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2012, 05:44:10 PM »
I like your personal statement overall.  I can definitely ascertain exactly why you want to be a lawyer.  It does seem to be a bit long though.  If there is a way that you can shorten it, you might want to consider this option.  I had a few content questions for you.  Towards the end of your essay, you discuss your law firm internship with rather short detail.  What was your title?  Was this a law clerk/paralegal internship?  Is there something that you learned in this internship that you can tie into your essay in terms of the competencies that will be expected of first year law students?  Lastly, in my mind, in order to seal the deal a little harder, is there any other correlation you can make in your essay about why you specically chose DePaul as opposed to another law school, and what specific components of this program interest you as you prepare for a career in international and human rights law.  Examples that come to mind might be study abroad opportunities, clinical programs, etc. I think law schools like to know what exactly is attracting the students who apply to their school.  Just my thoughts.


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Re: Please review personal statement and recommendation letter
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2012, 01:49:54 AM »
With all due respect, (sarcastic of course), posting a personal law school admission essay on a public website is not a wise decision- esp on the day before the majority of respectable law school applications are due. You are clearly seeking advice from the wrong place. Your chosen audience is your competition for admission and future success. Rather than rely on instant and uninformed validation/critque from those in a similar place as you- trust your judgement.