Relationships and first year law.

[LostandConfused]

Ok I know this topic has been talked about numerous times someone on this message board which is why I registered for it. I am coming from the position as someone who is not a law student but is dating a girl who is about a month in. Prior to her starting law school we built a really good relationship where SHE was often the one who talked of the future of us, marriage, house, etc. and even at times an insecurity that that may not happen.

However, now that she has started law school she is almost a different person in regards to us. I can hardly talk to her about "us" anymore without her getting frustrated and throwing out accusations about my "demanding" nature. The funny thing is I see her less than I ever have, ask less of her, etc. Except to feel as though I actually am in a relationship. You see she is going out making friends, being social doing the school thing etc. which is all well and good but it has cut me out in the sense that its at a point where doesn't even to spend some nights with me. Pre-law school she would get upset if that were going to be the case.

I guess what I am looking for is some opinions or confirmations that these things are a normal thing for a first year law student. I know she is overwhlemed a bit, that she gets anxious, and has a real need to fit in with people. I just want to know from an insider is this just a storm to be weathered or could this perhaps be a relationship on the way out.

I love her very much and she does love me, but it just seems that love is perhaps more the liking of an idea rather than the relationship. I could be over reacting. I don't know. I just don't want to lose her.

Thanks in advance.

[FalconJimmy]

My opinion?  She's over you.  She's moving on, but doesn't have the guts to tell you.  Sorry, but that's how I see it.

[bigs5068]

That could be or she might just be stressed out very hard to say. Not sure about your background if she went straight from undergrad to law school the change might be very hard and she is just stressed out. That may be the case regardless the first semester I was just freaked out along with most people you don't know what your doing and I think most first semester students overstudy and overstress and I was included in this list and I woudl probably wait until Christmas break to see where things really stand it calms down completely and if she is still avoiding you at that point then there something is really missing.

Hopefully things work out.

[FalconJimmy]

That could be or she might just be stressed out very hard to say.

I guess I can't rule it out.

I once heard somebody describe 1L year of law school as a 60 hour a week job.  I agree with that, actually.  This reminds me of back when I had a career.  You work your 40 hours a week and you put in some extra every night and a little bit on the weekend. 

Now, I guess I accept that some people are just SOOOO shocked by the prospect of being busy that they lose their minds as far as their personal life goes.  I just find it hard to believe that it happens as often as people tend to think it does.

I mean, back when I had a career, I managed to do things like date, stay in shape, heck, I even got married and had a kid.  It's not like having a demanding job rendered me incapable of living my life outside of work. 

I guess some folks let law school totally overwhelm them, but seems to me that if she's acting like somebody who really doesn't want this guy in her life, sometimes the simplest explanation is the best one:  she might just BE a person who doesn't want this guy in her life.

[Duncanjp]

Prior to her starting law school we built a really good relationship where SHE was often the one who talked of the future of us, marriage, house, etc. and even at times an insecurity that that may not happen.

However, now that she has started law school she is almost a different person in regards to us. I can hardly talk to her about "us" anymore without her getting frustrated and throwing out accusations about my "demanding" nature.

I wish somebody had told me years ago what I'm about to candidly tell you. I recognize your story. I'm sorry to say it, but if she loved you and wanted a future with you, the rigors of law school would not be a catalyst for frustrating her when you talk  of your future together. The reason your talk of "us" frustrates her is that she doesn't want to think about a dead idea. I had a relationship with a chick like that many moons ago, although the calling that the heartless iceberg found wasn't law school. But it might as well have been. I think you're going to have to face the same fact that I had to face: it's over, dude. Over. She's replaced her future with you for a shiny new future full of fabulous possibilities, with lots of new friends and exciting relationship prospects. She and her comrades are all vigorously laboring in the same championship cause, and they're heartily clapping each other on the back for having the guts to do it in the first place, while you're just hanging around as a reminder of all the time she used to waste smoking fatties and watching South Park. You're the past (whatever it really was). You're just waiting for closure. And yes, it's coming. All she sees now is the new vista ahead, full of lawyers and judges, $500 an hour, and multi-million-dollar settlements. She's going to be the next Gloria by God Allred, except that people are going to love and respect her. You, however, are the albatross that she needs to shake off. You are the dead weight that impedes her progress. And f'the love o' decency, don't kid yourself, man: once they change their minds about you, they don't come back. It sucks, but agonizing over a girl isn't going to change her mind. Even if she stayed with you, it would be based on guilt, mixed with feelings that she could have done better. Trust me here: she'd hate you for it forever.

Nothing a coupla beers and some worthwhile goals for yourself can't cure, though. Get busy. There are a lot of women out there who would love a stand up guy who envisions a future for himself and is diligently working toward it. Make that person you. Meanwhile, you might get a little temporary satisfaction if you started asserting yourself around the house. Leave the seat up. Or, don't bother to lift it at all (optional). Experiment to see which one gets you the most mileage. A small victory, yes, but you'll laugh about it 20 years later.

I don't mean to make light of a heartache. Hang in there, dude.

[nofairytale]

THIS...

Get busy. There are a lot of women out there who would love a stand up guy who envisions a future for himself and is diligently working toward it.

Trust Me. My ex who used to talk about our future all the time broke up with me and never spoke to me again exactly one week before the LSAT. He needed to "find himself and get help". I was devastated. I wish he would have kept his integrity.

[justanothersucker]

Wow, imagine if he'd failed the thing. 

Why not show him up and get a grad degree yourself? Make twice as much and rub it in his face?

THIS...

Get busy. There are a lot of women out there who would love a stand up guy who envisions a future for himself and is diligently working toward it.

Trust Me. My ex who used to talk about our future all the time broke up with me and never spoke to me again exactly one week before the LSAT. He needed to "find himself and get help". I was devastated. I wish he would have kept his integrity.

[fortook]

She's with Jimmy now.  You need a hug?

[Duncanjp]

LOL. Somebody give the poor bastard a hug.