Law School Discussion

Nine Years of Discussion
;

Author Topic: PS  (Read 868 times)

cr00231

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3
    • View Profile
    • Email
PS
« on: November 15, 2010, 11:04:19 AM »
PS

john4040

  • Sr. Citizen
  • ****
  • Posts: 471
    • View Profile
Re: Can someone read my PS for the Univ. of Miami.
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2010, 10:03:26 AM »
Umpire Personal Statement

   The calm cool breeze of the Spring morning swept across my face as I buttoned my blue little league umpire shirt; after months of training I was ready to start my new job. Equipped with a mask and chest protector, I stepped on the field and smelled the freshly cut grass. Unbeknownst to me, I was walking onto the field of learning and would leave the experience (which experience)? with a firm grasp on my future goals.

   As an avid sports fan, I was excited to officiate 24 nine-year-olds (you were officiating 24 nine-year olds - or were you officiating a tournament which included 24 nine-year-olds?) in an invitation-only tournament that would determine the preseason rankings and sponsorship deals. I worked as the plate umpire in my first game. Behind the plate, I was given absolute authority and was responsible for controlling virtually every aspect of the game. I was required to make correct decisions quickly and confidently. The training I endured the previous months suggested that little league officiating was simple and unproblematic. However, that notion swiftly vanished when a routine grounder resulted in a bang-bang (a what... lol?!) play at the plate between the runner and catcher. The ball beat the runner home and within seconds of ruling him out, outrage erupted from the parents in the stands and the coaches in the dugout of the runnerís team. The close call gave me my first glimpse of extreme adversity (Overstatement) and showed the holistic nature and immense pressure of umpiring.

   From the dugout, the coach raced toward the plate to argue the call. Relying on his intimidating size and the growing displeasure from the stands (He relied on the growing displeasure from the stands?), the coach showed me no respect as I calmly explained that the call stands. The seemingly normal reaction to a close call in a close game escalated out of control when the coach started to curse at me while angry parents used racial slurs to voice their disapproval. There I stood, a seventeen-year-old (edited to maintain consistency - see "nine-year-olds" above) in an unfamiliar situation, against a group of furious middle-aged adults who despised my call. I was amazed at their behavior and the example they set for the players. Determined not to crumble, I diffused the growing hostility by ejecting the coach and three spectators. I also warned the other parents and coaches that their teams would forfeit (the remainder of their games?) if this type of behavior continued. This unprecedented level of authority allowed me to regain control of the game as the perpetrators surprisingly left the park without contesting my decision.

    The tough decision was necessary as it restored order, challenged my responsibility, and most importantly allowed the players to continue the game. That situation set the tone for how I handled similar disputes that plagued the season. I matured in my first game and learned the value of confidence, composure, and how to interpret varying situations. As a rookie, I was given the distinct opportunity to officiate a regional qualifying tournament for the Little League World Series.

   My experience as an umpire has left an indelible mark on my attitude.  It challenged my thoughts while improving both my communication and conflict resolution skills. Through umpiring, I have learned to think quickly and adjust to a diverse set of situations. As an umpire, I respected the game, made ethical decisions, and handled multiple tasks simultaneously. After the season, I decided that pursuing a career in sports would be my goal.

   I want to go to law school in order to challenge my way of thinking (seems strange....). Like umpiring, law school will provide me the opportunity to further my maturation  as I become disciplined in the study of law. The responsibility, authority, and opportunities that the law and sports provide intrigue me and will continue to encourage me as I pursue my goal of becoming a lawyer for a sports and entertainment firm (O'Rly?  Can you name a few that focus solely on sports and entertainment.  These are few and far between). A sports fan all my life, becoming a sports attorney will be the culmination of my goals and aspirations. I feel that my experiences behind the plate, my degrees in Marketing and Spanish, and my diverse background will serve as vital sources of preparation and encouragement as I transition to the rigors of law school.

   I truly believe that, as a law student at the University of Miami, I will be an asset to the student body by contributing to the rich tradition of diversity, creativity, and attitudes of the campus and the city of Coral Gables. Additionally, living in Coral Gables will allow me to hone my Spanish speaking skills in order to serve a broader client base. It is through great pride that I am seeking consideration of acceptance and I firmly believe that I am prepared to study the complexities of the law, sports, and entertainment industries.

Thanks for the comments guys!!


Good theme and nice, vivid opening paragraph.

john4040

  • Sr. Citizen
  • ****
  • Posts: 471
    • View Profile
Re: Can someone read my PS for the Univ. of Miami.
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2010, 11:21:57 AM »
Good morning,
Thanks for the prompt response. What significance does the underlined words and phrase mean.
Thanks,
CDR

My personal comments are bolded.  Changes are underlined. 

writetrackad

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 65
  • info@writetrackadmissions.com | (888) WRIT-TRK
    • View Profile
    • Write Track Admissions
    • Email
Re: Can someone read my PS for the Univ. of Miami.
« Reply #3 on: November 26, 2010, 06:02:10 PM »
John,

I really like the theme of your statement, and the content you have is solid.  However, the flow, structure and style of the statement can be markedly improved and enhanced.  The theme, which showcases your passion for baseball and sports, has a number of strong parallels with the law - drive, competitive spirt, and discipline - there are a number of ways to make this nexus far stronger.  Serving as an umpire, furthermore, furnished you with particular skills that are essential for success in law (being objective and serving as a mediator, for instance).  Second, what area(s) of the law interest you most?  What sort of lawyer do you aspire to be?  These must be flushed out in the Statement.

If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact me at Kal@writetrackadmissions.com.

Kal
_____________________________ _____
Write Track Law Admissions
Admission Expert | www.writetrackadmissions.com
info@writetrackadmissions.com
Get Noticed, Get In