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Author Topic: Version 2.0 of my personal statement  (Read 762 times)

Spackledgoat

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Version 2.0 of my personal statement
« on: September 27, 2010, 11:57:29 AM »
Here is a re-do of a previous statement. My last one's problems included long, confusing sentences (blame comparative lit programs for that), telling rather than showing and a confused form. Please let me know what you think of this. Also, please let me know if you have any ideas in how my conclusion could be made better. Thanks

I stepped into my new home, taking in the decades old, faded wallpaper that clung to the crumbling wall. I had just moved to Romania and I knew my life would never be the same. My ďroommateĒ was not a fellow student, but rather a 84 year old woman who had lived through war, revolution and a half decade of communism and spoke not one word of English. I was there to learn to speak a new language, live and thrive away from home, but with each moment I spent waiting in that entranceway those goals seemed more and more difficult.  I didnít know a single person in the entire country, didnít know where my school was or how to carry on a conversation with anyone else. After 21 years of comfortable life, Iíd cast myself down the rabbit hole.
   Since that day it has been nearly four years, and I still live in Romania. I hadnít planned on spending the entirety of my early twenties abroad, but looking back I see that doing so has made me into a far more mature and worldly individual. My journey started when I was awarded a David L. Boren NSEP scholarship to study abroad for a year. This scholarship is given by the federal government to students who have shown a keen interest in lesser known languages and have future goals of government work. I spent the year in northern Romania working on my language skills while doing research into the role of the Hungarian population in Romanian politics. My look into the rights of Hungarians has helped develop an interest into minority rights in American society, and I hope to pursue a legal career defending and developing those rights. As the year ended, I decided that I didnít want my study abroad experience to be like so many others and just be that interesting thing I had done in college. I wanted to be able to use my experience in my later life, and so I felt it most important to master the Romanian language.  I spent the following year attending an intensive, daily language program designed by the Romanian government to qualify students to attend college in Romanian. The year of study and the passing of the final examination has been a defining moment for me. Language has never been my strong suit and therefore being able to speak Romanian is among the things I am most proud of. I had always been able to learn things quickly and with little effort, but learning a language cannot happen like that. I couldnít look over a lesson and use it; language requires practice, dedication and study. I was forced to mature as a student in order to succeed, while establishing study habits that I hope will bring me success during law school.
   Once I had graduated from the language program, I was given the opportunity to be the first student to participate in a teaching exchange between Arizona State and the University of Bucharest. I was given the job as an English instructor for freshman students in the college of American studies. I have developed my own curriculum, a process in which I identified the weaknesses in my students writing ability due to insufficient academic writing experience in high school and subsequently developed a more writing intensive course for the students. In addition to refining my own academic writing through the need to teach the students those skills, I developed excellent group communication skills and acquired the confidence to speak in front of large groups through the process of developing and delivering classroom lectures. Being a teacher has made me a better student. I hope that I will be able to translate what Iíve learned here to success in the classroom. The maturity that comes along with learning a language or being a mentor for a young student is the maturity I wish to apply to my legal studies, while I wish to add my richness of experience into my community.