If a woman lies and says she is on birth control....

[MEMEMEME]

If a woman lies and says she is on birth control and a man gets her pregnant (not a teenager), should he have known better and taken precautions anyway? Or is it all the woman's fault for tricking him? What do you think?

[Cicero]

Well, if they are engaged in that type of relationship, then the partners should be able to trust each other. If a man can't trust the woman, then he shouldn't be in the relationship. As to fault, unfortunately, while it would be nice to assign blame to the woman, the only person who would really pay for it would be the child (if born & not aborted).

In a purely fictional world without child support, etc. then I'd say it's all the woman's fault. What this hypo woman did was a huge violation of trust and it shows a lack of moral character. Unfortunately, some women are very desperate and think men will only love them or marry them if they get pregnant, so they think it's ok to trick men into impregnating them.

(This opinion comes from a woman.)

[MEMEMEME]

I don't disagree, but most men's arguments would be that their strong sex drive disables them from thinking clearly when they are engaged in intercourse. Ok, fine. But, I sort of disgaree a tad about your reasoning why the woman would lie about being on birth control. I think a lot of women do it because they want a baby. I think that a lot of women, not all, if they were forced to choose between having a man or having a baby (they could only pick one) they would pick the latter. So, I think the types of women who do "trick" a man into parenthood are the type that you described and those who instinctually want a baby to the point that they can't think clearly or rationally. I also think that if a man isn't 15-18, he should be prepared for the unexpected if he doesn't want a child. He knows how many of his friends' or friends of friends' girlfriends/wives/one night stands "got pregnant on birth control."

[Julie Fern]

maybe need be moer careful who poke.

[Sheshe]

If a man is not prepared for the consequences he simply should not take that chance. Strictly relying on the woman shows a lack of personal responsibility, and makes him entirely to dependent on his partner.  He is not only depending on the woman to use the contraceptive, he is also depending on her to  use it correctly (take pills at a particular time, not forget to take pills, be aware of all medications that can throw off the effects of contraceptives.)  Believe it or not, it is easy to have a busy day and forget to take a pill, or to go on vacation without packing birth control.  I know countless women who are not even aware that antibiotics make birth control less effective.  Even if a woman tells you that she's on BC, please wrap it up. If you don't you are relying on her to be perfect, and perfection is simply not human nature.

[Cicero]

Very true. Stats on birth control use show a lot of problems with it, such as the average woman missing 3 pills a month and it only 85% effective for most women because of how they take it. (kind of scary) It is also much less effective when women are obese. Women need to educate themselves more about birth control and take active steps not to miss any pills (like set your phone to remind you to take it at the same time every day). Being able to take the pill gives women power that they didn't have before, i.e. control over their bodies, and they should take it more seriously. The info is out there--internet, doctors, etc.

I do agree that men should be very careful until they know more about the woman's habits (and always if the woman isn't a responsible birth control taker). I also agree that there is a certain amount of responsibility that men need to take for their actions. Accidents happen and both parties need to be prepared and accountable. My problem is with the woman in the hypo who purposely deceived the man.

As to the comment from the other poster about the woman trying to get prego. Well, there are other ways to get pregnant than through deceit. She could go to a sperm bank or she could tell the man that she wants him to be a live sperm donor. The deceit in the hypo takes the power of choice away from the other person. Having a child is a huge responsibility and commitment, and this type of deceit shows deficient character and just seems flat out wrong. It also gives women a bad name and reinforces bad stereotypes about women.

[.Chuck]

Unless the guy is in a serious committed relationship with the woman and has been for a while so that the two have really gotten to know each other and built genuine trust between each other, I think the guy would be a major fool to not wrap his rascal even if she says not to worry about it claiming to be on the pill or something. 

A guy would be a fool to not play it safe when engaging in sex with a woman he just met or is/has only been casually dating in a non-exclusive relationship no matter what the woman says about herself and birth control.  In that type of a situation I think the best reason to put on a jimmy is to protect yourself from getting an STD.  A woman that is willing to let a guy she doesn't know that well, is just casually dating or randomly hooking up with have sex with her without a condom, especially if she claims to be on birth control, is likely to be the type that sleeps around with various guys a lot outside of a committed relationship. 

If I had recently met and gone out on a few dates with a woman and early into it (let's say the 3rd date) she wanted to have sex and said not to worry about using a condom I would be a bit worried since I don't know her very well at all since it's not like you can really get to know someone well from 3 dates.  In that type of situation I would be wondering if she is typically that loose and easy with all her dates (cough cough ::slut:: ) and wondering how many other guys she's had unprotected sex with recently. 

Even though I believe the guy should be smart and protect himself for the obvious preggo and STD reasons and would be partially to blame if she gets knocked up, I think the woman would be much more to blame for being deceptive and lying about being on birth control.  That is a pretty seriously F'd up lie to tell to get a guy to not use a condom (especially if he has one handy and wanted to use it before being lied to and convinced there is no need) given the risks and possible life altering consequences. 

The guy would be a sucker for trusting the womans deceitful claim and letting his 'happy thing' think for his brain, whereas the woman would be a lying deceiver that duped the guy for whatever hidden reasons she has to try to possibly end up preggo.  That makes her pretty evil and the bad person in the situation while the guy would just be an irresponsible foolish horny sucker that got duped by her while trying to get laid without being guilty of any evil or deceptive intent.  While she would be guilty of deceit, he would be guilty of being an irresponsible reckless idiot.  However you want to label and divide the blame between them, they are both to blame and are both ultimately 'on the hook' and responsible for a pregnancy and for the child if one is born from it. 

[smartandunique]

The purpose of sex is to procreate. Yes,it's done for recreation but bottom line that's not what it was created for.I don't think you should sleep with anyone you wouldn't want to have a child with, now or later.

[MEMEMEME]

The woman who would hypothetically deceive a man into thinking she was on birth control when she was not- yes, wrong. But what I am trying to say on the line of thinking of Chuck that a "man would let his happy thing do his thinking" for him is just pawning off responsibility of the situation. I am not talking about a long, drawn out plot where the woman makes a six month plan about how to trick this poor guy into getting her pregnant, I'm talking about the heat of the moment. Just like he wants what he wants, she wants what she wants, if you know what I mean. It's instictive. So, in this case both people's "happy things" do their thinking for them.

Just wondering on another note- would any of you guys be willing to take male birth control? I think they make it now and even if they don't, would you be willing to take it? This would be a pill that made you "shoot blanks." I would be interested in that response.

[Cicero]

Okay, if it's just a hookup, then yeah, the guy should have been smarter/more responsible and wrapped it up. And yeah, I agree, people do stupid things in the heat of passion. Anyway, if it was a hookup, then I don't really feel so sorry for the guy, though I still think that the hypo woman's actions are  morally repugnant. I agree with Chuck, that the STD issue is definitely another reason to use protection.

(The typical birth control "accident" that women hear about tends to be the trap a man into marriage tactic, so I assumed the woman was in a relationship with the man. A hookup is a totally different scenario in terms of blame.)

Note: This discussion is a nice change from the T4s/online LSs suck and T1s rule discussions that predominate this board.