Guys: How Would You Feel if Fiance Wouldn't Change Her Last Name?

[cooleylawstudent]

If your own independence is so important why get married? Why go through a ceremony that only means more paperwork and legal drama if you ever want to split? Why not just live together and leave it at that?

[the white rabbit]

That would hurt! The way I see it, there is not an objective correlation between happiness within a marriage and spouse name change. However, the name change symbolizes unity and togetherness which is obviously an issue in the event it doesn't happen. Just to illustrate my point - how would you feel if he expected you to marry him, but didn't give you a ring or a nice wedding ceremony? What if he wanted to skip the ring altogether? What if his idea of a nice wedding was to take you in his car down to the court building and marry you, then afterwards, take you to an all you can eat buffet then drop you off at home before going to work? You'd probably feel like crap because of what those things actually sybolize. On a broader scale, people rarely admit the importance of appearance and how things look to friends, family, and colleagues.
I'd probably react by explaining how important the name thing is. If I had to beg, I wouldn't want to move forward because begging is not cool. If I had to beg about this, then there is no telling what else i'd have to beg for. Just my thoughts. Be good

MaCNCheese

If unity and togetherness is what it's supposed to symbolize, is there any good argument reason why the man shouldn't take his wife's last name?

[cooleylawstudent]

old argument. why not just skip the marriage?

That would hurt! The way I see it, there is not an objective correlation between happiness within a marriage and spouse name change. However, the name change symbolizes unity and togetherness which is obviously an issue in the event it doesn't happen. Just to illustrate my point - how would you feel if he expected you to marry him, but didn't give you a ring or a nice wedding ceremony? What if he wanted to skip the ring altogether? What if his idea of a nice wedding was to take you in his car down to the court building and marry you, then afterwards, take you to an all you can eat buffet then drop you off at home before going to work? You'd probably feel like crap because of what those things actually sybolize. On a broader scale, people rarely admit the importance of appearance and how things look to friends, family, and colleagues.
I'd probably react by explaining how important the name thing is. If I had to beg, I wouldn't want to move forward because begging is not cool. If I had to beg about this, then there is no telling what else i'd have to beg for. Just my thoughts. Be good

MaCNCheese

If unity and togetherness is what it's supposed to symbolize, is there any good argument reason why the man shouldn't take his wife's last name?

[mac n cheese]

That would hurt! The way I see it, there is not an objective correlation between happiness within a marriage and spouse name change. However, the name change symbolizes unity and togetherness which is obviously an issue in the event it doesn't happen. Just to illustrate my point - how would you feel if he expected you to marry him, but didn't give you a ring or a nice wedding ceremony? What if he wanted to skip the ring altogether? What if his idea of a nice wedding was to take you in his car down to the court building and marry you, then afterwards, take you to an all you can eat buffet then drop you off at home before going to work? You'd probably feel like crap because of what those things actually sybolize. On a broader scale, people rarely admit the importance of appearance and how things look to friends, family, and colleagues.
I'd probably react by explaining how important the name thing is. If I had to beg, I wouldn't want to move forward because begging is not cool. If I had to beg about this, then there is no telling what else i'd have to beg for. Just my thoughts. Be good

MaCNCheese

If unity and togetherness is what it's supposed to symbolize, is there any good argument reason why the man shouldn't take his wife's last name?

No.  I don't have a good argument against the man changing his last name. However, image is important to some people and I know that if one of my friends told me that he was going to change HIS last name, well, lets just say he probably wouldn't get a call for the annual superbowl party. This is soooo ridiculous. I can't believe its come to this.......  If this is how you really feel then here are my suggestions:

1.  Find a girlie man, metrosexual, or or man femminist that will agree with you. It would make your life easier.
2. Skip the marriage or
3. Get a sex change

How would you feel if a guy asked you to marry him under this condition:
 You are not ALLOWED to take his last name and he states that he will not even entertain taking your last name. This changes things up a tad bit now doesn't it.  You no longer have the option to have his last name so its not even under discussion and as matter of fact, he looks you square in the eyes and says: "I want to marry you but I will not ALLOW you to take my last name, and there is no way that I'm taking yours".  You'd feel like crap. You probably wouldn't take the same position. You'd probably side with me and my "symbolize" argument.

MaCNCheese

[MEMEMEME]

If your own independence is so important why get married? Why go through a ceremony that only means more paperwork and legal drama if you ever want to split? Why not just live together and leave it at that?

Thelo is such an evident sexist that it's hilarious. Hey, why get married? I bet he also owns a big truck because certain anatomy is tiny. Marriage=loving partnership. You and Mac n Cheese or whatever his name is are as bad as the damn fanatics in the middle east. If two people want to marry and change both of their names to "ieatdingleberries" and then the woman wants to wear a suit everyday while the man wears a dress and they both work, why do you care?  I am sure if either of you have wives, she took your name and didn't mind because you two share the SAME VALUES. That's why you're married. Please stay out of people's lives because it only makes you look like insecure and exacerbates the world's problems.

PS. Mac n Cheese, I wouldn't shed one tear if my husband didn't want me to take his name. Look up "social construct" and get back to me.

[cooleylawstudent]

You were too scared to used your regular account and had to set up a shadow account just for that one post?Sad.
Marriage dosnt equal loving partnership. Loving relationship equals loving partnership. If people are too scared to share a name then why file a piece of paper that just makes it harder if you need to break up? Is that the point in and of itself? If so thats just dumb.

Yes, "stay out of peoples lives" when they post and start a public online discussion on it, yeah THAT is why you had to create a coward account.

If your own independence is so important why get married? Why go through a ceremony that only means more paperwork and legal drama if you ever want to split? Why not just live together and leave it at that?

Thelo is such an evident sexist that it's hilarious. Hey, why get married? I bet he also owns a big truck because certain anatomy is tiny. Marriage=loving partnership. You and Mac n Cheese or whatever his name is are as bad as the damn fanatics in the middle east. If two people want to marry and change both of their names to "ieatdingleberries" and then the woman wants to wear a suit everyday while the man wears a dress and they both work, why do you care?  I am sure if either of you have wives, she took your name and didn't mind because you two share the SAME VALUES. That's why you're married. Please stay out of people's lives because it only makes you look like insecure and exacerbates the world's problems.

PS. Mac n Cheese, I wouldn't shed one tear if my husband didn't want me to take his name. Look up "social construct" and get back to me.

[mac n cheese]

If your own independence is so important why get married? Why go through a ceremony that only means more paperwork and legal drama if you ever want to split? Why not just live together and leave it at that?

Thelo is such an evident sexist that it's hilarious. Hey, why get married? I bet he also owns a big truck because certain anatomy is tiny. Marriage=loving partnership. You and Mac n Cheese or whatever his name is are as bad as the damn fanatics in the middle east. If two people want to marry and change both of their names to "ieatdingleberries" and then the woman wants to wear a suit everyday while the man wears a dress and they both work, why do you care?  I am sure if either of you have wives, she took your name and didn't mind because you two share the SAME VALUES. That's why you're married. Please stay out of people's lives because it only makes you look like insecure and exacerbates the world's problems.

PS. Mac n Cheese, I wouldn't shed one tear if my husband didn't want me to take his name. Look up "social construct" and get back to me.

Ok, i've googled "social construct" and skimmed through. I think I know where you are going with this, but i'm not sure so let me ask you a few questions. What was the defining factor in your personal decision to marry? Did you see married couples in public, in your family, and on television which ultimately gave you the idea? Did your priest tell you to do it? If so, isnt it safe to say that you were following the pack? If not, then I guess you consider yourself to be a pioneer, a leader! Yeah sure. My bet is that you were acting out what you learned, and were told that it was "the right thing to do". With that said, how do you feel that the idea of "social construct" is relevant to the initial argument over gender and name changes in a marriage?

On a personal note, I think that marriage is the ultimate level of friendship to exist. As long as both people are satisfied then no problem, right? But that's not what were talking about. Were talking about a situation in which someone is not satisfied. (whether or not the disatisfaction is the result of a "social construct" is pointless)

[the white rabbit]

That would hurt! The way I see it, there is not an objective correlation between happiness within a marriage and spouse name change. However, the name change symbolizes unity and togetherness which is obviously an issue in the event it doesn't happen. Just to illustrate my point - how would you feel if he expected you to marry him, but didn't give you a ring or a nice wedding ceremony? What if he wanted to skip the ring altogether? What if his idea of a nice wedding was to take you in his car down to the court building and marry you, then afterwards, take you to an all you can eat buffet then drop you off at home before going to work? You'd probably feel like crap because of what those things actually sybolize. On a broader scale, people rarely admit the importance of appearance and how things look to friends, family, and colleagues.
I'd probably react by explaining how important the name thing is. If I had to beg, I wouldn't want to move forward because begging is not cool. If I had to beg about this, then there is no telling what else i'd have to beg for. Just my thoughts. Be good

MaCNCheese

If unity and togetherness is what it's supposed to symbolize, is there any good argument reason why the man shouldn't take his wife's last name?

No.  I don't have a good argument against the man changing his last name. However, image is important to some people and I know that if one of my friends told me that he was going to change HIS last name, well, lets just say he probably wouldn't get a call for the annual superbowl party. This is soooo ridiculous. I can't believe its come to this.......  If this is how you really feel then here are my suggestions:

1.  Find a girlie man, metrosexual, or or man femminist that will agree with you. It would make your life easier.
2. Skip the marriage or
3. Get a sex change

How would you feel if a guy asked you to marry him under this condition:
 You are not ALLOWED to take his last name and he states that he will not even entertain taking your last name. This changes things up a tad bit now doesn't it.  You no longer have the option to have his last name so its not even under discussion and as matter of fact, he looks you square in the eyes and says: "I want to marry you but I will not ALLOW you to take my last name, and there is no way that I'm taking yours".  You'd feel like crap. You probably wouldn't take the same position. You'd probably side with me and my "symbolize" argument.

MaCNCheese

My, my.  You read so much into my question that wasn't there.  I was just pointing out that your arguments about unity and togetherness, taken as true, only got you so far as one person should change their last name to the other person's last name, and that it didn't provide any support for it being the woman taking the man's last name.  You seem to recognize this, so I give you credit for that.

[Thistle]

do you two follow each other around arguing?

wouldnt surprise me a bit if you were the same person.

it would be a good troll though, because of the effort

[.Chuck]

do you two follow each other around arguing?

Isn't that what married/committed couples typically do?