Guys: How Would You Feel if Fiance Wouldn't Change Her Last Name?

[cooleylawstudent]

So if I (do the societal norm) and have my kids and spouse take my name, its bad,

but if you(against societal norm) do it, its good.........interesting, what does that really say?

Also, you seem claim your hubbie is only googlable now due to your name, do you imply that he'd be worthless without your name stapled to his own? Is he that weak without you according to you? What does that really say?

 

[GovLaw]

I’m sorry, but it’s amazing to me how many weak men with low self esteem inhabit this board!  Of course there’s no reason for a man’s wife to take his name, unless he’s so insecure that it makes him feel better. 

But in that case I would advise not marrying him at all – you’re going to end up with problems based upon that very insecurity.

I would assume that most women want a man, not a frightened little boy.

[Haynes7]

CHEERS!!!!!!!
A man who takes his wife's name is strong enough to stand up to convention and travel the road less traveled.  That takes REAL courage!  My husband didn't take my name (I'm female) but I am totally for men doing this.  I see no reason why not, especially if your wife is planning on supporting you.  Also I strongly feel that children ought to have their mother's last name.  The mom put in the grunt work, all the father did was get laid.  She deserves the credit no?

I’m sorry, but it’s amazing to me how many weak men with low self esteem inhabit this board!  Of course there’s no reason for a man’s wife to take his name, unless he’s so insecure that it makes him feel better. 

But in that case I would advise not marrying him at all – you’re going to end up with problems based upon that very insecurity.

I would assume that most women want a man, not a frightened little boy.

[Freak]

This thread further confirms my decision to marry an Asian foreign woman. American women generally show too little respect to their husbands. In case people reading this don't know, men need respect in a relationship more than love. Women need love more than respect. Taking the man's name is a sign of respect. My fiancee shows respect to me in an incredible number of ways including insisting on cooking, cleaning and doing laundry - by hand - plus never complaining about my bad habits and instead praising me to others. Further, she offered to take my name despite the fact that only 4 people on the entire planet have her last name.

After considering this, I've decided that she should keep her name and simply add my name at the end. Yes, she might have a long name, but she's considering dropping her middle names (she has four names) so that she has only three names - 1st name (actually one of her middle names), her last name, and my name with no hyphens.  Our children will have 3 names - 1st name, her name, my name & no hyphens.

She showed me respect by offering to take my name when the topic arose and I showed love by proposing a compromise that satisfied both of us. I also traveled almost exactly half-way around the world (i.e. as far as one can go) and quit my job to be with her while we await a VISA.

[cmd758]

This thread further confirms my decision to marry an Asian foreign woman. American women generally show too little respect to their husbands. In case people reading this don't know, men need respect in a relationship more than love. Women need love more than respect. Taking the man's name is a sign of respect. My fiancee shows respect to me in an incredible number of ways including insisting on cooking, cleaning and doing laundry - by hand - plus never complaining about my bad habits and instead praising me to others. Further, she offered to take my name despite the fact that only 4 people on the entire planet have her last name.

After considering this, I've decided that she should keep her name and simply add my name at the end. Yes, she might have a long name, but she's considering dropping her middle names (she has four names) so that she has only three names - 1st name (actually one of her middle names), her last name, and my name with no hyphens.  Our children will have 3 names - 1st name, her name, my name & no hyphens.

She showed me respect by offering to take my name when the topic arose and I showed love by proposing a compromise that satisfied both of us. I also traveled almost exactly half-way around the world (i.e. as far as one can go) and quit my job to be with her while we await a VISA.

Yes, it is so respectful of her to agree to be a maid, cook, nanny, and hooker for the price of one. Why can't you clean your own laundry by hand or with the washing machine? Can't you learn to cook? It isn't difficult.  Do you want a partner or a domestic slave? I am not saying that people don't play different roles in a partnership: maybe one works and the other does a lot of the domestic tasks or both work and share responsibilities- but you shouldn't expect it or feel disrespected if she doesn't want to do all of the things your mommy used to do for you. I resent, as a woman, your entire post. There are also a lot of men (not saying most by any means) that show disrespect for their wives  in far worse ways than in the way you implied women disrespect their husbands (I am guessing you meant disrespect by refusing to do housework or not take last names). Days of servitude in American marriages are over- you're correct. And perhaps (let me just guess here), your wife, living in her current country (which I only know is in Asia), finds you (and this is the truly sad part) to be her best option at a decent life because her country isn't as evolved as America. I guess that's why they have mail-order brides.

PS. A lot of women like to cook or do laundry and help their man; but it shouldn't be all the time (even if she is a homemaker because of children) and it shouldn't be expected. Yes, full-time employment is tough, but you gotta do your chores as mom says!

PPS. Wow, you're a really modern man to have decided for her about her last name.

[cooleylawstudent]

case in point, eh? 

This thread further confirms my decision to marry an Asian foreign woman. American women generally show too little respect to their husbands. In case people reading this don't know, men need respect in a relationship more than love. Women need love more than respect. Taking the man's name is a sign of respect. My fiancee shows respect to me in an incredible number of ways including insisting on cooking, cleaning and doing laundry - by hand - plus never complaining about my bad habits and instead praising me to others. Further, she offered to take my name despite the fact that only 4 people on the entire planet have her last name.

After considering this, I've decided that she should keep her name and simply add my name at the end. Yes, she might have a long name, but she's considering dropping her middle names (she has four names) so that she has only three names - 1st name (actually one of her middle names), her last name, and my name with no hyphens.  Our children will have 3 names - 1st name, her name, my name & no hyphens.

She showed me respect by offering to take my name when the topic arose and I showed love by proposing a compromise that satisfied both of us. I also traveled almost exactly half-way around the world (i.e. as far as one can go) and quit my job to be with her while we await a VISA.

Yes, it is so respectful of her to agree to be a maid, cook, nanny, and hooker for the price of one. Why can't you clean your own laundry by hand or with the washing machine? Can't you learn to cook? It isn't difficult.  Do you want a partner or a domestic slave? I am not saying that people don't play different roles in a partnership: maybe one works and the other does a lot of the domestic tasks or both work and share responsibilities- but you shouldn't expect it or feel disrespected if she doesn't want to do all of the things your mommy used to do for you. I resent, as a woman, your entire post. There are also a lot of men (not saying most by any means) that show disrespect for their wives  in far worse ways than in the way you implied women disrespect their husbands (I am guessing you meant disrespect by refusing to do housework or not take last names). Days of servitude in American marriages are over- you're correct. And perhaps (let me just guess here), your wife, living in her current country (which I only know is in Asia), finds you (and this is the truly sad part) to be her best option at a decent life because her country isn't as evolved as America. I guess that's why they have mail-order brides.

PS. A lot of women like to cook or do laundry and help their man; but it shouldn't be all the time (even if she is a homemaker because of children) and it shouldn't be expected. Yes, full-time employment is tough, but you gotta do your chores as mom says!

PPS. Wow, you're a really modern man to have decided for her about her last name.

[Freak]

This thread further confirms my decision to marry an Asian foreign woman. American women generally show too little respect to their husbands. In case people reading this don't know, men need respect in a relationship more than love. Women need love more than respect. Taking the man's name is a sign of respect. My fiancee shows respect to me in an incredible number of ways including insisting on cooking, cleaning and doing laundry - by hand - plus never complaining about my bad habits and instead praising me to others. Further, she offered to take my name despite the fact that only 4 people on the entire planet have her last name.

After considering this, I've decided that she should keep her name and simply add my name at the end. Yes, she might have a long name, but she's considering dropping her middle names (she has four names) so that she has only three names - 1st name (actually one of her middle names), her last name, and my name with no hyphens.  Our children will have 3 names - 1st name, her name, my name & no hyphens.

She showed me respect by offering to take my name when the topic arose and I showed love by proposing a compromise that satisfied both of us. I also traveled almost exactly half-way around the world (i.e. as far as one can go) and quit my job to be with her while we await a VISA.

Yes, it is so respectful of her to agree to be a maid, cook, nanny, and hooker for the price of one. Why can't you clean your own laundry by hand or with the washing machine? Can't you learn to cook? It isn't difficult.  Do you want a partner or a domestic slave? I am not saying that people don't play different roles in a partnership: maybe one works and the other does a lot of the domestic tasks or both work and share responsibilities- but you shouldn't expect it or feel disrespected if she doesn't want to do all of the things your mommy used to do for you. I resent, as a woman, your entire post. There are also a lot of men (not saying most by any means) that show disrespect for their wives  in far worse ways than in the way you implied women disrespect their husbands (I am guessing you meant disrespect by refusing to do housework or not take last names). Days of servitude in American marriages are over- you're correct. And perhaps (let me just guess here), your wife, living in her current country (which I only know is in Asia), finds you (and this is the truly sad part) to be her best option at a decent life because her country isn't as evolved as America. I guess that's why they have mail-order brides.

PS. A lot of women like to cook or do laundry and help their man; but it shouldn't be all the time (even if she is a homemaker because of children) and it shouldn't be expected. Yes, full-time employment is tough, but you gotta do your chores as mom says!

PPS. Wow, you're a really modern man to have decided for her about her last name.

You just called my fiancee a hooker! For your information, I showed her this and she's deeply offended by what you wrote. You are exactly what I'd expect from the typical American woman - selfish. Maybe that's why America has a 50% divorce rate or maybe it's "modern men". She on the other hand has an L.L.B. from the Univ. of London and is fluent in 4 languages with a passing knowledge of several more. We met in Chicago while she was here on another VISA. She's incredible and I love her more than words can express. She chose to be with me because of how I listen to her and treat her with love.

I'll have you know that I've worked since age 11 (I'm 31 now), paid for all my major expenses (housing, cars, education etc.), done my own laundry since 11 and my Mom rarely cooks except on special occasions (although she did due to money when we were young). She's the best Mom any man could want - she home schooled her 3 children until high school (part-time home school). Clearly better than your Mom who failed to teach you respect. Have you paid for all your cars (cash), insurance (cash), college (cash) and law school (loan paid off), and house ($50k loan remains) by yourself? Plus have enough money saved to take over a year off work and support 2 people with no money from anybody else? I highly doubt it. (paid-off Nov. 2010)

As for her doing everything, as I wrote - she insists! Although sometimes she'll relent and let me help. I've done those things for myself most of my life. She feels it's disrespectful for the man to do those things. And yes, she intends to be a homemaker. Our children will know two cultures, speak several languages, and have excellent education.

I won't reply to any further posts by you, but I couldn't let your vile spew of vomit go unwashed.

[cmd758]

If you could read, you would realize how ridiculously stupid your post that I responded to was and know that my opening statement in my response was a comment about your sexist worldview and that I was not actually calling your wife/fiance/whatever a hooker. Did you read what you wrote? You implied that American women are "disrespectful" to their husbands these days because they were moving away from traditional roles such as taking last names. I am not going to argue about whether women should or shouldn't take names, but they certainly shouldn't be thought of "disrespectful" and thus, lesser because of it. You then went on to say how your woman is so wonderful because she slaves away for you and handwashes your clothes, again implying anything less or non-traditional would therefore be disrespectful. Further, you posted this on a discussion board for people who are either lawyers or want to become lawyers. Not all of them are men. What would you think would happen? I don't know any women who went or are going to law school to sit at home.

You just now responded with a bunch of justifications for what you said that you didn't bother to share in the first place (e.g. you do actually do some housework) because you know how sexist you were in your original post. I am not sure if you looked at my other posts today on different threads, but right before you responded I happened to ask a question where I mentioned my mother. I will neither assume that you did or did not read my post, but it is funny how you used my mother to get at me. I could get very angry. That is how it makes me feel. However, I realize my passions are high (forget the discussion about women for a moment) and I will only say that it was an extremely low blow and people (like my mother) tend to pass down their greatest teachings when they are dying. So, so much for your argument that my mother is no good. I will not say any more about it because I don't care what you think, but next time you want to use someone's mother to insult them, just know that it could just happen that that person's mother is terminally ill and you will feel like the scum of the earth when your parents pass away or are ill.

Also, I am a naturalized citizen. I am European, but I am proud to be English, Portuguese, and now American. I am also proud to be an American WOMAN and a feminist. I am most proud to be my mother's daughter, without whom, I would not have succeeded in life and would not be so strong. Oh- and when I turn 31 in 5 1/2 years, you will be the first to know if I accomplished all the financial landmarks that you have claimed to have completed by that age. Money is really the true measure of a person's value, of course.

Here's a tip: if you don't want people responding to your sexist remarks with something that is going to make you angry, perhaps you shouldn't be sexist or write something that could be interpreted as sexist.

[cmd758]

One last thing, sweetheart, if you think you exhibited "respect" in anything you said back to me or have implied about women, you need to go look up the word in the dictionary.

[cooleylawstudent]

Aw yes, the "last word" knowing that the other won't respond and saying stuff that in no way counters his statements. Awsome.