Ceramics major Personal Statement thoughts....

[tvw74]

   wrote this in about 40 minutes, it is a rough draft. Let me know what you think, if its way off track or if parts of it seems good/bad.         

   If you were to compile a list of the most disparate fields of study, perhaps philosophy and chemistry, or dance and statistical mathematics, or maybe even studio art and business or law, you would be left with a collection of seeming incompatibility. I can't say much to persuade a correlation between philosophy and chemistry or dance and math.. However, there is far more shared in business strategy and argumentation with artistic expression than one would first assume. As a developing artist of this and the previous two decades, I have sought and ascertained an insightful perspective into the career I want to pursue, and moreover, the variety of individual I hope to become. This I could not claim had I not lived an artist's life until now.

   From  making art at a very young age, to constructing ceramic sculpture in class this afternoon, to brainstorming for future ideas, I have made quite a progression from doing so solitarily to making art in a structured collegiate environment. The processes in which I use to work through problems, make crucial decisions, and venture into unknown realms were all given insight when I first began to have my work critiqued. When someone has a set of ideals that they hold very dearly, be it political, familial, or ethical, challenged by another entity, it can be a difficult experience for some. That is, more specifically,  when they realize they can't be right about something just because they "like it", "have always thought so" or "were taught to believe that way."
   
    Collegiate art critiques are much like a courtroom scenario. The instructor; grilling you on why you made certain choices or lack thereof, and the artist; if well prepared, responds and makes his case to the professor as well as the rest of the class; who acts as a vocal jury to question the artist as well as provide feedback and helpful suggestions. Unlike an argument about simple facts or laws finite in nature, art critiques are heavily theory based, and it is difficult to prepare a full spectrum of support mechanisms for your work on all fronts initiated by up to 20 different classmates

   The artist himself lays rules and guidelines for his pieces that he uses to put his passion into practicum. The artist must be original is his work and not rely too heavily  on creativity that has already been expressed. Developing artists are constantly, through a multitude of different methods, some successful and some far from it, trying to make a name for themselves and, in essence, trying to justify their work.  Supporting the idea that they are artistically expressing is crucial to an artist's success, and a successful artist is one who can convince the viewer of his means.



   Not everyone is keen on thinking critically, let alone analyzing complex decisions on multiple fronts, and far fewer are born that way. Everyone develops their own unique set of communicative and reasoning skills in different ways to different levels of degree. I am not a born lawyer I will admit. In actuality I entered into my collegiate education with the full mindset of being a doctor, and only later, began to acknowledge and realize my potential as a critical thinker and logical analyst though the scholastic criticism process incorporated in art classes, more specifically ceramics classes..

   Business operation requires planning, execution of trial and error type situations, commitment, and a healthy amount of risk and so does making a clay pot or composing a charcoal portrait. A poorly planned clay pot that is top heavy is destined to collapse the same way that a portrait, if not properly scaled to fit on the page, will hardly capture the essence of the individual is intended to resemble. The artist is a business man of his own ideas, passions and expressions. Whether or not he can execute his ideas is purely a factor of his intonation with is abilities. Possessing the inability to plan, adapt and execute can and often does result in your work failing of failing apart or even blowing up in the kiln! 

[BikePilot]

I've no idea if its a good or bad idea and know little about what adcoms look for in PSs.  I am fairly sure this sentence

Unlike an argument about simple facts or laws finite in nature, art critiques are heavily theory based, and it is difficult to prepare a full spectrum of support mechanisms for your work on all fronts initiated by up to 20 different classmates

won't be popular.  You do a great job eulogizing art school, but you aren't applying to art school.  As far as I'm aware, adcoms don't care whether you majored in astrophysics or making clay pots so the emphasis on justifying art school might be misplaced.

I think the main purpose is to show that you can write in coherent English - I doubt the content really matters much.

[writetrackad]

First, I think the theme/scope is very compelling and unique.  However, the presentation needs significant focusing, better articulation, and a stronger nexus to the pivotal "why law" question.  If you need more involved assistance with the statement, please do not hesitate to contact me directly.

Best,

Kal, Write Track Admissions

[cmd758]

First, I think the theme/scope is very compelling and unique.  However, the presentation needs significant focusing, better articulation, and a stronger nexus to the pivotal "why law" question.  If you need more involved assistance with the statement, please do not hesitate to contact me directly.

Best,

Kal, Write Track Admissions

I agree.

[The Brian]

First, I think the theme/scope is very compelling and unique.  However, the presentation needs significant focusing, better articulation, and a stronger nexus to the pivotal "why law" question.  If you need more involved assistance with the statement, please do not hesitate to contact me directly.

Best,

Kal, Write Track Admissions

i agree except for the "why law" part. the personal statement, with a few tweaks, tells us a bit about the OP, about her writing ability, and about the parallels between art and law. it also shows progression of interest and direction. i don't think "why" law needs to answered. it's my opinion that it doesn't matter why, it matters that the OP show he/she is well suited for it regardless of personal motivation. personal motivation for a legal career may be a great topic to write about, but it doesn't need to be fit here unless there's a prompt that asks for it.

[Scroll]

"If you were to compile a list of the most disparate fields of study, perhaps philosophy and chemistry, or dance and statistical mathematics, or maybe even studio art and business or law, you would be left with a collection of seeming incompatibility. I can't say much to persuade a correlation between philosophy and chemistry or dance and math.. However, there is far more shared in business strategy and argumentation with artistic expression than one would first assume."

Some simple advice on this section--this seems a bit too long-winded for what you are trying to say. Perhaps cutting out "I can't say much to persuade" (because it's negative anyway) and retouching the other sentences will help. As this is a first draft, it's understandable there'll be rough spots. Now the hard part (editing) begins--that should take a lot longer, but once it's done, the rewards await! This is an interesting topic, run with it (and like the others said, focus a bit more on the "why law" part).

[mac n cheese]

You are taking a risk in turning this in. It feels poetic and reads like a romance novel. The admission committe will either fall in love with you or have a great laugh amongst each other. In either case, it was very interesting to read!!

Best Wishes,

MaCNCheese