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Author Topic: Please review my PS!  (Read 727 times)

lhyde17

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Please review my PS!
« on: November 21, 2009, 12:58:50 PM »
Please read my PS! I still think it's too long and can be more precise, but have no idea where to start.. I can also give my opinion on your PS if you want! shoot me yours! Thank you!!!!

I was six years old when my father took me to his office for the first time. As a child, I expected to see rows desks, people working around the office, stacks of paper, pens, and other typical office equipments. To my surprise however, I found forklifts, trucks, cargo ships, and people with hard hats everywhere. I was too young to understand the dynamics of trade at the time, but I was astonished by the dynamic harbor. My six-year-old mind was filled with questions. What was on all those ships? Where were they coming from? Where are they headed? Why? Raised in ( ), an industrialized city whose economy relies mostly on export, my interest in trade naturally evolved and grew. This experience, along with years of observing the dynamics of international trade first-hand, helped define the path I chose for myself.
   Finally, after more than 20 years, the same wide-eyed six-year-old from a small city in ( )came to Washington DC, still pursuing my passion in international trade. This time however, I was no longer a spectator. Rather, I came as an integral member of the (international organization )involved in different aspects of international trade.
   My path to Washington DC was by no means straight or quick. In pursuit of my passion in international trade, I studied Business Administration and Economics in college. To further my knowledge, I went half way across the world to Geneva, Switzerland to study international trade. However, it wasn’t until I interned for the United Nations that my passion and my goal became more clearly defined.

My six-month internship at the (UN org) in Geneva had a profound impact on my interest in international trade. As I was researching bilateral agreements that existed between developing and developed countries, and as I followed the conflict between the Thai government and multinational pharmaceutical firms, I witnessed firsthand that a multinational company is able to use their money and influence to potentially disastrous results to underserved populations of developing countries. Moreover, their governments sometimes face situations in which they have to give up rights for their people in order to not lose the economic gain from building relationship with developed countries. Understanding this reality, I decided to take on another, more specific, personal mission: I want dedicate myself to working in a public international trade sector.
However, although I found the process of legal research to be surprisingly interesting, as a non-native in English and non-lawyer, I faced difficulties and challenges. My supervisor, who was an American lawyer himself and had been a very helpful career advisor, suggested that I should study law in a more systematic education and become a certified lawyer to better pursue my goal. Around the time that I completed my internship, I naturally began to picture myself a lawyer to work in public international trade law field.

I am currently working at the ( )in a different capacity from previous jobs which mainly required approaching issues at a policy level. Here at the Bank, I manage several programs on the ground for the Caribbean region. The region, a popular vacation destination to foreigners, is one of the poorest and least developed areas in the world. There is obvious need to develop a manufacturing side to the Caribbean economy, helping earn more foreign currency through exporting goods. One of my programs, in line with the Aid-for Trade initiative of the World Trade Organization (WTO), focuses on providing customized technical assistance to companies, allowing them to take advantage of enhanced market access through capacity building. The program is also meant to build up public opinion of export and international trade, hopefully leading the government to create more trade-friendly policies
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   ( ) has an incredible reputation for international trade law, and I believe the opportunity to attend ( )would be a huge benefit to me, giving me the solid knowledge base that I need in addition to my experience. In fact, I would consider it to be an opportunity of a lifetime to have the opportunity to be taught under professors such as Professor ( ). I further believe that attending law school will improve my ability to run programs which are better customized to companies’ needs. In the long run, attending law school will also prepare me to return to the UN to help member governments shape current policy debates on trade, and work on integrating developing countries into the world economy. My experiences in Geneva helped me see my true calling, and law school is an essential piece of the puzzle I must put together in order to reach my goal.

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Re: Please review my PS!
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2009, 08:32:10 PM »
Lyhde17:

Your statement is, to state objectively, a good start with quality content.  However, your statement lacks the colorful language and compelling "grab your attention" quality that it needs to stand out.  Second, your statement reads like a prose regurgitation of your resume/CV, and should focus on one uniform and polished narrative that provides the admissions committee with a humanized version of who you are not only as a law school candidate, but also an individual. 

Remember, your personal statement is indeed your "first and only interview" for law school, so be sure to maximize its quality.

For further assistance, please contact us at info@writetrackadmissions.com, for professional expertise with drafting a compelling and stellar statement.

Best,

Kal | Write Track Admissions
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