Law School Discussion

Nine Years of Discussion
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Poll

Which intro is unique, interesting, & most effective?

car accident/case at work (experience)
mother's mental illness
fire/ overcoming adversity
none

Author Topic: PLEASE vote/comment on best intro/theme for PS  (Read 603 times)

carmenmarrs

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PLEASE vote/comment on best intro/theme for PS
« on: November 01, 2009, 06:41:18 PM »
IF YOU DO NOT HAVE TIME TO PUT YOUR THOUGHTS, PLEASE VOTE!!! I AM TORN ON WHAT TO DO & I NEED TO FINISH IT THIS WEEKEND!! ALL ADVICE IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!!
Please review the introductions and tell me which one is more effective...I have been going crazy trying to figure out which statement to do...every time I have someone read my statement, I end up writing something different...and now I've got 3 statements going at once! Any input is greatly appreciated!

1) Imagine driving to school after a long day at work, your whole life in front of you, your dreams, hopes and aspirations waiting to be realized, when in an instant, someone else’s negligence changes your life forever. As the bright light closes in on you, your life flashes before your eyes and you think, “this is it, it’s all over,” only to realize that the blinding light is a semi-tractor trailer heading straight for you. The diesel fuel burning your skin jolts you back into consciousness, and you realize you are trapped beneath the semi, unable to move as another semi-truck crashes into you, crunching your demolished vehicle around you (as you spin out of control).
(I really liked this, thought it would be very eye-catching/interesting/unique, but was told that it wasn't about me so I shouldn't use it-its about a case I am working on)

2) As I sit down to write this, my mother is being held against her will at Bay Behavioral, a local mental hospital. While the law states that a person may be held against their will for 72 hours for a mental evaluation to determine whether they are a threat to themselves or others, the law is ambiguous and often places the most vulnerable among us at a severe disadvantage. My mother has now been held for five days, longer than the justice system could hold a criminal without an arraignment or preliminary hearing. While I believe strongly in the foundation of our laws, and the principles they uphold, our society must protect, defend, and advocate for the rights of those who cannot protect themselves.
(I was told this was a very good way to start out by one person, & that it sounded like I was whining by another-like I have a vendetta against mental hospitals; I also didn't want the adcomms to think i was crazy

 3) The flames flickered ferociously in the dark, engulfing the charcoaled remnants of what was left of our home. I could feel my mother’s heart break as we turned the corner to witness the smoke billowing out of our hollow, scorched trailer, the only evidence left after a decade of continuous struggle and hard work it took for my mother to get back on her feet after we lost everything when our first home went up in flames. The whirlwind of embers floating in the wind took me back to memories of my childhood growing up in our first home. We may not have had much growing up, but even left with nothing we still had each other. Growing up the youngest of six children taught me a valuable lesson: take nothing for granted and make the most of what you have...(still working on this one, basically using the theme that even when you lose everything, you have to keep on going, overcoming adversity, etc)

i also thought of starting with a quote like
"Character can not be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision, cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved".-Helen Keller or something simple like what doesn't kill you makes you stronger (too cliche'?)...but I was told it was not unique/ not MY words, etc...


Any advice is greatly appreciated...