Non-traditional needs some constructive criticism to my personal statement

[tcharles]

I have been out of school for 14 years and need some honest criticism in order to make my personal statement "pop". This is a rough draft.

Who can help?

[writetrackad]

TCharles:

You are indeed an unconventional applicant, but your age and status can be conveyed in a productive and original fashion if you go about your personal statement in a provocate fashion.  Draft your statement so that your admission into a school's incoming class diversifies the student body, and injects it with a novel perspective and wisdom.  Please send me your statement and I am glad to give you some feedback.

Best,

Kal, Write Track Admissions

[tcharles]

I just emailed it to you. Thanks,