i think you certainly have a compelling story, but this reads more as a narrative of your life post-high school. you seem to have several themes here (independence/perseverence) that don't necessarily point to a law career or why you would be a successful law student (especially since you talk about how you didn't do well in the debate course and were later overwhelmed by your family concerns; and yes, these are perfectly valid reasons, but not things that will probably endear you to an adcom). i would narrow the focus and insert a diversity statement about anything else you feel the need to cover.
i think the best place to start is focusing on one unique experience and eventually tie that in to why you want to practice law (but not in a totally obvious way). take one of the experiences in this narrative, expand and develop it, and turn it around to show how you succeeded despite the odds and why it left you prepared and excited for law school.
just my two cents. good luck!
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