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Total Members Voted: 29

Voting closed: December 17, 2008, 01:32:49 AM

Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my cousin

Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my cousin
« on: November 17, 2008, 01:24:00 AM »
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Matthies

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Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my brother
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2008, 08:48:32 AM »
Life is often less stressful and more enjoyable for everyone around us when we worry about our own problems and concentrate on the things we can control in our lives, then when we worry about other people's problems and the things we can't control in thiers.

Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my brother
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2008, 12:30:52 PM »
If you wanted to help him, you shouldn't have let him go to a 4th tier law school to begin with....

jacy85

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Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my brother
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2008, 09:01:21 PM »
If this is the first time he's going to fail because of his own laziness or whatever, that's just sad.  If he'd dealt with failure earlier in life, he maybe wouldn't be in this situation.  It's never too late to learn though.

Stop enabling him.  He's an adult, and he can live his own life.  He's more than old enough to deal with the consequences of his decisions, and you've done more than enough to help him already.

Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my brother
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2008, 07:46:49 AM »
I think you'll feel better if you lay it out for him, though, before you remove yourself from the situation. Give him one more sit-down, explain it like you would to anyone else, ask him if he has any questions for you, and then be done. You can also promise to be there for advice and questions if that would make you feel better. I don't think it's not tough love anymore if you simply treat him like you would any other adult, and most adults would answer questions and give advice if asked.

Honestly, though, at this point I'm unsure as to how you could keep him from falling flat on his face. Arrears? No job? Failed the bar (probably twice)? It might be out of your hands at this point.

I feel you, though. One of my brothers has tendencies in this direction, and it's enormously frustrating. My solution is to treat him like an adult as much as possible.

sheltron5000

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Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my brother
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2008, 04:19:11 PM »
Honestly, at this point it doesn't look like anything you've done has helped him in any way. It's time to realize you probably can't keep him from "falling flat on his face."

Be supportive (emotionally, not materially) of efforts he makes to improve, but don't bail him out. He has to come to his own decisions and anything you do will probably just delay that.

Good Luck!

Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my sister
« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2008, 06:01:52 PM »
Why did your brother change to a sister? Did he go out and get a sex change?

MahlerGrooves

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Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my sister
« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2008, 07:10:49 PM »
Why did your brother change to a sister? Did he go out and get a sex change?

I was in the process of editing it for anonymity....in case he stumbles onto this board. He's not much for forums but who knows these days?.

Ummm...the brother changed to a sister who changed to a cousin?  Starting to seem a bit odd.  Not accusing...yet.

MahlerGrooves

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Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my cousin
« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2008, 08:33:23 PM »
LOL! I told you I was trying to change it to make it more anonymous but I guess I made it stick out more in the process!!!

Yes.  Yes, you did.  And if you were going to let him fall on his face anyway, then why did anonymity even matter?  Presumably you would have told him he is going to fall on his face before he saw this.

Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my cousin
« Reply #9 on: November 19, 2008, 09:15:13 AM »

Ok a little background: he hasn't done poo with his life, literally. As a testament to his legendary non-achievements, he has never NEVER held a job, took 10 years to finish undergrad, and "chilled" for 2 more years before he decided to attend law school.

Edited on 10/18/08 to ensure more anonymity

I'm not sure why you edited this to ensure anonymity. You should first be brutally honest with him about what direction his life has taken and then extend a helping hand should he make an honest/reasonable effort at picking up the pieces. I'm going to assume uses the old "I'm living life carefree and to the fullest" excuse to justify being lazy and avoiding responsibility. Tell him he's essentially a ambitionless deadbeat and put him in a position to choose whether to sink or swim. He'll initially be mad at you for saying it, mainly because it's true..but maybe pissing him off would help him get his act together.