Law School Discussion

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Total Members Voted: 29

Voting closed: December 17, 2008, 03:32:49 AM

Author Topic: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my cousin  (Read 4059 times)

MahlerGrooves

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Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my cousin
« Reply #10 on: November 19, 2008, 01:38:10 PM »
Really simply put, if you don't let him flat out go it alone for a while, he will drag you down with him.

fertsru

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Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my cousin
« Reply #11 on: November 19, 2008, 09:18:17 PM »
This sounds like a rant. I don't see anything that this brother asked his sister to do besides not judging him for not being as smart as DJJD and not getting into top law school, not passing the bar right away, and who knows what else.  ::)
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Matthies

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Re: Please reassure me that I am not being harsh on my cousin
« Reply #12 on: November 20, 2008, 09:08:03 AM »
This sounds like a rant. I don't see anything that this brother asked his sister to do besides not judging him for not being as smart as DJJD and not getting into top law school, not passing the bar right away, and who knows what else.  ::)

Fertsru, not a rant at all. After a while of going through something, you start to think it's "normal." Throughout the years, I have NEVER disparaged any decision he has made or any failures he has had (as we all do).  I sincerely worry for him, his happiness, and ultimate success.  I guess at a certain point, you start to doubt yourself and whether you have done all you can to help. 

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I said this earlier, Iíll say it again, since I think you might have missed the point by focusing only on your brother here - life more enjoyable for everyone when you worry about your own first. Its sounding more and more like your judging your brother based on what you think is important in life, what you think his faluries have been that maybe a good yardstick, but its clearly not his yardstick. Not everyone in life has the same goals or values. Its human nature to push our own view of lifeís meaning upon others, but sometimes that does more harm than good. People rebel when other people tell them what they should be doing with their lives.

 Sometimes this works to motivate them, sometimes it has the opposite backlash effect and pushes people to sabotage what we are trying to get them to do. Maybe your brother needs to find his place in life on his own, maybe he will become a great artist instead of a mediocre lawyer. Many people have failed at one thing only to be very successful at another.

What I am saying is step back and not focus all your energies on what you think your brother should be doing, you may not be helping and you may actually be making things worse. Youíre not your brotherís keeper so stop trying to be that, let him find his own path rather than you telling him what you think that path should be. You can be supportive without trying to make him be a carbon copy of yourself. Einstine barley graduated college and had horrible grades, his parents really wanted him to be a lawyer. Think what we would have missed had he followed the path others thought was right for him.
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