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Author Topic: Is this sentence gramatically correct?  (Read 1120 times)

secondsblue

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Is this sentence gramatically correct?
« on: October 26, 2008, 12:32:52 AM »
"Adrenaline surged through my body. It was 0530 hours; I sat in the passenger’s seat of the unmarked Dodge; Driving was the office’s second-in-charge."

Note the dual semicolons. I think it's fine.



lamronba

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Re: Is this sentence gramatically correct?
« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2008, 12:35:53 AM »
I wouldn't do it if I were you.  Even disregarding grammar, the flow of the sentence doesn't work too well.
172/3.72

Miss P

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Re: Is this sentence gramatically correct?
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2008, 12:47:57 AM »
"Adrenaline surged through my body. It was 0530 hours; I sat in the passenger’s seat of the unmarked Dodge; Driving was the office’s second-in-charge."

Note the dual semicolons. I think it's fine.




First, don't capitalize the first word after a semicolon.

Try this instead:

"Adrenaline surged through my body. It was 0530 hours.  I sat in the passenger’s seat of the unmarked Dodge; driving was the office’s second-in-charge."

I stumbled over the participial subject "driving" each time I read it.  I would change that phrase to "behind the wheel was the office's second-in-charge" or something.  Good luck.
That's cool how you referenced a case.

Quote from: archival
I'm so far from the end of my tether right now that I reckon I could knit myself some socks with the slack.

secondsblue

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Re: Is this sentence gramatically correct?
« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2008, 12:58:36 AM »
*&^%. Transmitted already. That's the only error on my PS. Can't believe I didn't catch it.

secondsblue

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Re: Is this sentence gramatically correct?
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2008, 01:04:19 AM »
If this is the only error on my PS, will this hurt me? I applied to several law schools already. I had it proofread, too... damn it.

secondsblue

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Re: Is this sentence gramatically correct?
« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2008, 01:06:23 AM »
If this is the only error on my PS, will this hurt me? I applied to several law schools already. I had it proofread, too... damn it.

Miss P

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Re: Is this sentence gramatically correct?
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2008, 01:08:22 AM »
If this is the only error on my PS, will this hurt me? I applied to several law schools already. I had it proofread, too... damn it.

I'm sure it won't.  :)

It sounds like an interesting, hard-boiled PS. 
That's cool how you referenced a case.

Quote from: archival
I'm so far from the end of my tether right now that I reckon I could knit myself some socks with the slack.

secondsblue

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Re: Is this sentence gramatically correct?
« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2008, 01:11:42 AM »
To boot, there is no capitalization errors on my PS... i don't know why I posted as such. The only issue is the double semicolons.

Miss P

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Re: Is this sentence gramatically correct?
« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2008, 01:14:41 AM »
The only issue is the double semicolons.

This is not really an error; it's more a matter of style.
That's cool how you referenced a case.

Quote from: archival
I'm so far from the end of my tether right now that I reckon I could knit myself some socks with the slack.

dashrashi

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Re: Is this sentence gramatically correct?
« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2008, 06:51:03 PM »
The only issue is the double semicolons.

This is not really an error; it's more a matter of style.

Is it not? I don't think I've ever seen a double semicolon before.

OP, it's not going to keep you out of a school. But it's pretty nutty. And I speak as a semicolon devotee (easiest, fastest way to fix a comma splice!).
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Saw dashrashi's LSN site. Since she seems to use profanity, one could say that HYP does not necessarily mean class or refinement.