Another Request for Readers

[Blakkout]

I know most of you are probably sick of this, but I'm really in a bind here.  I finished my first draft of my PS and my dad said it's terrible.  He thinks I should scrap it.  I'm looking for a second opinion, as I think it's alright.

Let me know if you'd be willing to help me out and look it over.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Gone]

I'll give it a read

[olderapplicant]

sure.

[Mori]

Would be happy to take a look

[dsetterl]

sure

[Blakkout]

PMs sent.  Thanks guys.