<----is in memo hell.
save me. can't I have my old life back?
Hang in there, you'll be fine MB. But no, you can't have your old life back. Once in LS there is no turning back even if you try. No turning back lifestyle wise, psychologically, the way you think about and look at things, etc.
The operating system that is your mind is being re-programed and upgraded. The installation procedure for your new OS is lengthy, a bit rough and buggy at times, but once fully installed it operates pretty smoothly and is very powerful.
It's totally normal, especially at this point in LS as a 1L to feel like You've Never Been Lost Like This
and to have those thoughts and feelings. They will pass in time.