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Author Topic: 16 yo wants a job, please review my letter!  (Read 5205 times)

rube

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16 yo wants a job, please review my letter!
« on: June 25, 2008, 12:03:37 AM »
Hello,

I am a 16 year old currently attending ARC (a CC located in Sacramento). I have one year left, and will apply to UC Berkeley this fall, with a final gpa of 3.75. I want to major in rhetoric, and afterwards apply to Boalt Hall (UCB's law school). If I can get enough financial aid though, I will try to transfer to Harvard's SOL from UCB.

In the meanwhile, I want a job at a law firm. I just want to be a file clerk, something on that level, since anything beyond that would be above my realm of knowledge. I am in the process of writing a cover letter to send out to law firms in my area. I want them to hire me to be a file clerk at their firm. I would like to ask of you law students to review my letter. I would like some criticism of some sort to make it perfect, since it is the first taste the law firm will get of me before actually confronting me. Below is the letter...

                                   "Address"
                                "Phone number"
                                    "Email"

Date
Lawyers name
"What should I set his title as? He IS the owner of the law firm after all. Should I use plain old Attorney as the title?"
address


Dear Mr. last name:

I am a 16 year old sophomore at American River College, currently working towards my rhetoric major, and I plan to attend UC Berkeley in one year, and then apply for UCBs Boalt Hall. I am seeking a job for this summer situated in a legal environment, and while researching for law firms in my area, I found that your law firm was exactly what I was looking for. Of the many specialties your law firm practices, I was very interested in the area of business and corporate law, which is what I plan to specialize in.

I am able to work anytime after 1 PM on Monday thru Thursday, and full-time on Fridays. After August 1st, 2008, I am able to work full-time throughout the week for your firm.

It would seem in our mutual interests to further discuss the knowledge, experience and demonstrated results I can bring to your firm. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to a personal meeting to discuss this opportunity further.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,


my name

Encl.


Now you might have noticed I typed "Encl.", as I have enclosed below the letter a letter of recommendation from a bookstore. It was a law bookstore in which they held baby bar reviews in it every weekend, and I would sit in and listen, for about 6 hours each Saturday. And honestly, I was not discouraged by the amount of time I put aside for it, I learned a lot and had never even taken a law class either.

Please revise my cover letter and please write any comments or suggestions

Thanks

SCOTUS20

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Re: 16 yo wants a job, please review my letter!
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2008, 12:29:06 AM »
Couple quick suggestions:

1) Make him Mr. Doe, Esq.

2) His title could be a number of things.  Most likely Managing Partner.  Or maybe Shareholder.  It just depends on the firm.  Check his website.

Good luck.

vap

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Re: 16 yo wants a job, please review my letter!
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2008, 01:04:37 AM »
                                      YOUR NAME
                           Address Line 1  - Address Line 2
                              Phone number  -  Email

Date


Mr. FIRST NAME LAST NAME
NAME Law Firm
ADDRESS LINE 1
ADDRESS LINE 2


Dear Mr. LAST NAME:

I am a sophomore at American River College, and in several years I plan to attend law school.  I am writing to request a part-time summer position in your office, and I have enclosed my resume and a recommendation letter for your review.

I noticed from your website that one of your specialties is business and corporate law, and I am very interested in learning more about your diverse transactional and litigation practice.  Of course, I would be a dedicated member of your firm's office team, and I would be glad to work for you in any position you might have available.  I am a fast learner, and I believe I could be an asset in your office.  Although I am only 16 years old, I have already completed a year of college coursework and obtained a 3.75 GPA.

I would very much appreciate the opportunity to meet with you and discuss a summer position in your office.  I can work any hours after 1:00 p.m. on Monday through Thursday and any time on Friday.  After August 1, my hours will become more flexible.  Thank you for considering my request, and I hope to hear from you soon.

                                                                     Sincerely,


                                                                     YOUR NAME

Enclosures


_____________________________ _____________________________ ___________________________

1.  You can't send a cover letter without a resume.  Be sure you make one and enclose it.
2.  You have to realize that this guy is going to lose valuable time and money by giving you an unsolicited job.  You probably have nothing to offer him.  You have to treat this letter as a combination of the following two themes: a) I won't suck your time and money, b) you'll be doing a good thing for me by letting me see how a law office works.  Most attorneys, even douchebags, have a sense of "duty" when it comes to helping out young lawyers and aspiring lawyers.  The legal profession has strong roots with mentoring.  Therefore, even though you have no skills, this attorney might want to give you a job.  I'm basically assuming you have no skills and can't offer the attorney anything because in the first draft of your cover letter you mentioned no skills and nothing you can offer the attorney.
3.  Modify this letter and send it to 25-50 other small firms.

vap

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Re: 16 yo wants a job, please review my letter!
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2008, 01:19:12 AM »
Also, if you're willing to work for free, then I'd suggest saying that you would like to volunteer in the attorney's office.  You are more likely to get a response.

He doesn't use "Esquire" on his website, so I wouldn't call him that.  I worked as a paralegal, and whenever I saw correspondence from some big firm attorney calling himself/herself "esquire," the "pompous ass" alarm would start to go off.

Bulldog86

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Re: 16 yo wants a job, please review my letter!
« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2008, 01:25:42 AM »
Not directly on topic, but you might want to edit his name out of this thread (and ask any follow-ups to do the same), since there's a decent chance that he or someone else will Google his firm's name and find this thread. Not a killer, but it might be embarrassing (especially if you get the job!).
UVA Law Class of 2011

vap

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Re: 16 yo wants a job, please review my letter!
« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2008, 01:37:03 AM »
Not directly on topic, but you might want to edit his name out of this thread (and ask any follow-ups to do the same), since there's a decent chance that he or someone else will Google his firm's name and find this thread. Not a killer, but it might be embarrassing (especially if you get the job!).

Agreed.  I've edited my post.  OP, I suggest you do the same.

vap

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Re: 16 yo wants a job, please review my letter!
« Reply #6 on: June 25, 2008, 01:44:53 AM »
Oh, and OP, I'd suggest editing your 1UP profile (http://www.1up.com/do/my1Up?publicUserId=5618223) in the following ways:

1.  In the "My interests" category, remove "and BITCHES!"
2.  In the "Where I work" category, remove "hell"
3.  In the "What I like to do" category, remove "Beat the living $hit out of people"

HTH, and good luck getting a job.  ::)

StevePirates

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Re: 16 yo wants a job, please review my letter!
« Reply #7 on: June 25, 2008, 02:05:18 AM »
And don't call someone "Esquire" unless they call themselves that first.  He doesn't use that on his website, so stay away from it.  I worked as a paralegal, and whenever I saw correspondence from some big firm attorney calling himself/herself "esquire," the "pompous ass" alarm would start to go off.

The proper etiquette for Esquire is that one never refers to oneself as Esquire, but if one is of that rank others should refer to one as Esquire in formal situations.

So, if you're a lawyer talking with another lawyer, it's poor form to call yourself John Doe, Esq., but you ought to call the other person Jane Roe, Esq..

The fact that he didn't use Esquire on his website shows that he's either using etiquette properly, or doesn't care to be styled Esq.  Either way, err on the side of formality and respect.  Other than that I think Vap's advice is spot on.

vap

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Re: 16 yo wants a job, please review my letter!
« Reply #8 on: June 25, 2008, 02:46:31 AM »
The proper etiquette for Esquire is that one never refers to oneself as Esquire, but if one is of that rank others should refer to one as Esquire in formal situations.

So, if you're a lawyer talking with another lawyer, it's poor form to call yourself John Doe, Esq., but you ought to call the other person Jane Roe, Esq..

The fact that he didn't use Esquire on his website shows that he's either using etiquette properly, or doesn't care to be styled Esq.  Either way, err on the side of formality and respect.  Other than that I think Vap's advice is spot on.

Interesting - I didn't know that etiquette.  Thanks for the info.

Ninja1

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Re: 16 yo wants a job, please review my letter!
« Reply #9 on: June 25, 2008, 04:03:20 AM »
You're 16. Find something else to waste your time on. There will be plenty of time to waste on legal and law school nonsense later on. Find a nice girl to hookup with and enjoy life for a little while. I appreciate the initiative, but believe me, you might as well enjoy the last few years of true freedom that you have. Go work at Wendy's and have fun.

Also, you have a few run-on sentences. And what are you doing in college at 16 anyway?

Finally, don't worry about Berkeley or Harvard right now. Until you have a UGPA and LSAT on the board, they mean nothing to you and you mean nothing to them. I'm not being a male private part, just being honest.
I'mma stay bumpin' till I bump my head on my tomb.