Dating- Playing Hard to Get

[MeloMan15]

I think most of us have heard the phrase 'playing hard to get' in the dating scene.  Does anyone here actually think this is an effective, useful, logical, normal approach?  In other words, when you first meet/talk to someone of potential interest, is playing hard to get a good idea in the long run?

[social drinker]

Sure it is, as long as you do it right.  I don't like games and I don't like being all cute and coy and what-not when I meet someone.  I really don't act as if I am interested in them at all until I have been around them and hung out with them enough to know that I like them as a friend.  I really think that is the most important aspect of the relationship.  Once I know that I like them at least that much, then perhaps I will take it further.  Call me old-fashioned, but I honestly believe that a lack of proper foundation is the real reason why so many relationships are doomed from the start and why the divorce rate is well above 50%.

Don't rush into things that are worthwhile. 

[MeloMan15]

Don't rush into things that are worthwhile. 

that's a very good quote. 

Also, for example, let's say you've met a person of interest once and you two have talked a good amount of times before that...and you ask this person to go out to a movie or to hang out and what not and they express interest and say 'yes', but when it comes down to it, the date is put off by this person for whatever reason.  Is this classic play hard to get and this person is hoping that being a challenge will make the relationship stronger in the long run?  Or is it basicially fun and games?

[lp4law]

I think most of us have heard the phrase 'playing hard to get' in the dating scene.  Does anyone here actually think this is an effective, useful, logical, normal approach?  In other words, when you first meet/talk to someone of potential interest, is playing hard to get a good idea in the long run?

I have a different game: It's called "hard to find."  It cleverly plays on the whole "get her sexually frustrated" thing.  Only in my case, she generally stays that way.

[DodgerLaw]

I think most of us have heard the phrase 'playing hard to get' in the <a href='http://consumeralertsystem.com/cas/zx-hclick.php?hid=22' target='_blank'>dating[/url] scene.  Does anyone here actually think this is an effective, useful, logical, normal approach?  In other words, when you first meet/talk to someone of potential interest, is playing hard to get a good idea in the long run?

Effective? Depends what effect you want.

Useful? Ditto

Logical? No.

Normal? Yes.

[MeloMan15]

I think most of us have heard the phrase 'playing hard to get' in the <a href='http://consumeralertsystem.com/cas/zx-hclick.php?hid=22' target='_blank'>dating[/url] scene.  Does anyone here actually think this is an effective, useful, logical, normal approach?  In other words, when you first meet/talk to someone of potential interest, is playing hard to get a good idea in the long run?

Effective? Depends what effect you want.

Useful? Ditto

Mainly the effect is to potentially start dating this person sometime in the near future.  Do women play hard to get a lot so this prospect has a better chance to work out?

[kbp]

i don't "play" anything.  i think that's bull.  if you're not honest from the get-go, you're ultimately doomed.

[DodgerLaw]

I would like to recommend the book "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills to anyone who is looking to find a marriage partner. Mostly this book explains the ups-and-downs of a pretty much any relationship. The internal battle each of us has between desires for independence and intimacy. Why one partner backs off, and the other freaks out wondering what they did wrong, when often it's just the natural ebb and flow of romance. The sending of mixed messages because of very normal mixed feelings. Etc.

This book was vert valuable in helping me to find and marry a terrific woman.
Unfortunately, it's out of print. But it can still be found.
http://www.alibris.com/search/detail.cfm?chunk=25&mtype=&qisbn=0345357280&S=R&bid=8302449553&pqtynew=&page=1&matches=22&qsort=p

[kbp]

i agree that those are games that are played.


i do not agree, however, that game-playing is inevitable.  at all.

[_EKC_]

i can't imagine a relationship without games. that being said, i'm willing to believe that it is possible.