Racist Parents and Being Defended!

[IrishGeisha]

Ok -- so here's the story.

I went to Vegas w/ Shermy's parents and him.  Things were pretty good, though if you are a regular to this thread, you know that Shermy and I are full o' drama with ex girlfriends and other things.

Here's a new story for you guys and I appreciate feedback.

Let me preface this story by telling you all (in case you don't know) I am half Japanese, my mother is a Japanese citizen who lives in Japan. 

Things in Vegas went well... we had a good time and his parents were very generous to me and took me on a nice trip. Yes, we had our moments both annoying (but not so bad) and very good.

On the way home from the airport yesterday, we were talking about Kobe beef and how good it is.  I explained why it is so good and how it is unique to Japan.  His father then went on to say "Japan has nothing, no oil, nothing".  I said, "Actually, while their main natural resource is the fishing industry, what is interesting is that for an island nation with limited natural resources, they continue to be an economic force.  In fact, they are one of the only island nations that is self-sustaining" (thank you, 9th grade social studies).

His reply to this was that Japanese people are not creative and do not make anything on their own, just take existing ideas and build on them and so ... "Japanese people are not smart"  and "not nice" (the nice comment, apropos of nothing).

Now, I can take a racist slam.  Really, I can.  I don't like it and I think it is stupid, but ... I can take it.  My concern was that my b.f. didn't say anything.

When I confronted him, he basically said "Everyone is entitled to their opinion and you just shouldn't listen to it" and that I overreact about everything.  This led to a big argument and well ... hence the unsureness of the situation.

Am I overreacting?  Obviously you all don't know that there have been many problems leading up to this particular issue, but on this issue alone, am I overreacting?

[dsong02]

i agree with his father.  japanese people just make things better.  they lack creativity in all areas except for hentai and child porn.

[thechoson]

Blood runs thicker than water.  That's HIS family, you are still JUST his gf.  That's just the way it is, I am not surprised at all he defended his father, and if his father makes comments like that, I am sure your bf is used to that, and so it wasn't a big deal for him.

No need to overreact, in my opinion.  That Japanese stereotype of them not being creative, blah blah, is pretty prevalent actually.

[jgruber]

This is a tough one.  If you make it clear to your bf that you are offended, he should stand up for you regardless of his relaxed attitude.  Having said that I know how difficult it can be for a young man to confront his father's long held beliefs.  It could be that they have argued about this issue many times in the past and have decided to avoid the topic to save their relationship.

I dunnno.

[thechoson]

i agree with his father.  japanese people just make things better.  they lack creativity in all areas except for hentai and child porn.

I agree with this in a sense.  See, I think Shermy's problem has my dad's problems.  He blurts *&^% out without thinking  about it. He might have been intending to have an intelligent conversation about "I believe Japanese people lack creativity, because ....", but instead he decided to just say, "I believe Japanese people are stupid"

That's like you saying to him, "I believe all Jews are money grubbing", when what you intended to say was you believe Jews are pretty well off and gravitate to money making professions (which is another stereotype)

So yea...

[IrishGeisha]

I see where you are coming from, Cho ... maybe I am just screwed in the head.

[Ginatio]

I have never heard of that stereotype. I mean, have you seen all the cool *&^% Sony comes out with on a weekly basis?

Nevertheless, any stereotype is offensive and while your BF's dad is entitled to his opinion, if the dad or the BF cared at all about your feelings, they shouldn't have expressed their opinions in front of you. The dad may not have known you're half japanese, but your boyfriend knows... he definetly could have and should have said something without necessarily having to disrespect his dad.

at the very least, he could've apologized after the fact, when he wasn't in front of his dad.

[IrishGeisha]

I just would never spout off like that.  It's just about choosing your audience.

I would have been fine if my bf had just said to me "You're right, he was out of line.  Sorry you had to hear that, but he's wrong so don't listen to him."

But instead he went on and on about how he is entitled to his opinion and "ARE YOU CALLING MY PARENTS RACIST?!".  To which I said, "no, but he made a racist comment"

[Ginatio]

Your boyfriend sounds uptight. I bet he's a tidy whitey kind of guy.

I just would never spout off like that.  It's just about choosing your audience.

I would have been fine if my bf had just said to me "You're right, he was out of line.  Sorry you had to hear that, but he's wrong so don't listen to him."

But instead he went on and on about how he is entitled to his opinion and "ARE YOU CALLING MY PARENTS RACIST?!".  To which I said, "no, but he made a racist comment"

[jgruber]

I'd keep my eyes open to see how much the bf has inherited daddy's attitude.