Shacking Up

[YoungIke]

I was reading an article and I wanted to start a discussion on shacking up. Does shacking diminish the value of the relationship? Why do so many people shack up? What are your thoughts? I also reserve this thread for the discussion of giving it up on the first night. Does that diminish the chances of lasting relationships and lead to shacking up or settling. Discuss! Discuss!


Here's the article that sparked my curiosity.

Study: U.S. Divorce Rate Is Falling

By GEOFF MULVIHILL
The Associated Press
Monday, July 18, 2005; 5:28 PM

MOUNT LAUREL, N.J. -- The divorce rate in the United States is falling, and a new study offers an explanation: More people are shacking up instead of getting married.

In a report released Tuesday, the co-directors of the National Marriage Project, a nonpartisan institute at Rutgers University that promotes marriage, said couples who get married are more committed to each other than those who are just live together.

 
The study analyzed data gathered by the U.S. Census Bureau and other researchers.

Nine of every 1,000 married women in the United States divorced in 1960, according to the study. The rate increased to more than 22 per 1,000 by 1980 and has steadily declined since, to a little under 18 per 1,000 in 2004.

Meanwhile, the number of unmarried, opposite-sex couples living together has climbed from 439,000 in 1960 to more than 5 million now.

And the marriage rate has fallen over the past three decades: Seventy-seven out of every 1,000 single women got married in 1976; last year, the number was fewer than 40 per 1,000, the study found.

Report authors David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead said they are glad the divorce rate is on the decline, but they are worry about the children of couples who are living together without marrying.

"The breakup rate of cohabiting couples is considerably higher" than that of married couples, Popenoe said. "As more and more cohabiting couples have children, that becomes more of a problem."

[Roxie]

Shacking is a bad idea.  I've done it twice - both times were huge failures.  Don't make me start with the story telling again....

[YoungIke]

Inquiring minds would like to know 

Shacking is a bad idea. I've done it twice - both times were huge failures. Don't make me start with the story telling again....

[blk_reign]

i'd love to hear the story roxie..

i don't believe in the whole testing the waters theory...

[Roxie]

I won't bore you with my drama (well it's far from boring) but my philosophy now is why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.  Mamma was right all along!  

[faith2005]

i feel like they were talking about giving it up on the first night on the radio this morning. is that where you got the idea for this thread ike? i think its funny that on the radio this guy said that he assumes tha a girl who has sex the first night doesn't respect herself. then they asked him, well what about you, are you respecting yourself if you're willing to have sex with her? he was like, no, its different for men. haha.

[blk_reign]

double standards at their best..gotta love them..

[YoungIke]

Stop listening to my radio station  , your making me sound unoriginal. I don't really care if she gives it up on the first night, but It will take more explaining for me to think long term. If a girl holds out I won't ask questions. Even if she was a hoe, she proved herself to me. And the key word is "was". As for shacking I don't like it but it just sneaks up on guys. The women start "forgetting stuff" at your crib. Then they start cleaning and you can't ask them to leave after that. It's not like it was going to get done if she didn’t do it.

i feel like they were talking about giving it up on the first night on the radio this morning. is that where you got the idea for this thread ike? i think its funny that on the radio this guy said that he assumes tha a girl who has sex the first night doesn't respect herself. then they asked him, well what about you, are you respecting yourself if you're willing to have sex with her? he was like, no, its different for men. haha.

[faith2005]

wow, you talk to some really nice girls. cleaning your crib? they must be saints.

[Roxie]

Ok - ya'll twisted my arm....I'll give you the short version....

I will preface this by saying that I had a very bad period during my early 20s when I was attracted to bums.  Cute bums, but nevertheless, BUMS...

So this one guy was living with his mother, dead end job, baby mommas - the whole 9.  I was rooming with my sister who hated him from day one.  He was over my house ALL the time - so after about a year and a half of fighting with my sis, she moved out and he moved in.

BIG MISTAKE!!!

All of a sudden - Roxie turned into a piece of furniture.  No talking, no romance, no sex.  Everything did a 180.  There was no plan to get engaged or married, no talk of our future together...nothing.  We both became totally bored with this dead-end relationship.  Add to that the fact that I was disgusted that while I am getting my Master's degree and working part-time, he is driving a truck and pushing a shovel making no money (sorry if that was non-PC, but it's true!!).  I am sure that he wanted to move out of his mom's 1 bedroom apartment that had 10 people living there.

Granted, this was the worst case scenario - but even now, with my current bf (who is a doll ), we have already agreed that we are not living together until we are at least engaged.  

(The other guy I lived with was worse....how stupid was I!!!! )

i'd love to hear the story roxie..

i don't believe in the whole testing the waters theory...