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Author Topic: Shacking Up  (Read 10071 times)

THE BLUE SWEATER

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Re: Shacking Up
« Reply #60 on: July 19, 2005, 03:28:01 PM »
According to some men on this board - the married man is the head of the household and the woman bows down (figuratively, not literally) to him and he makes all the decisions etc.  We had a LONG discussion about this on the main BLSD board.

Personally, my hubby will be paying all the bills while I spend my days taking care of our children, shopping, working out, keeping myself up and spending his money and driving his Mercedes. ;)

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I aint mad at that. As far asa headof the household marriage is a partnership, simply each will have to take seperate roles. Looking at a=it any other way seems to be unhealthy.
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Find out just what people will submit to, and you have found out the exact amount of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them..  The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress.

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angmill08

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Re: Shacking Up
« Reply #61 on: July 19, 2005, 03:46:18 PM »
I don't know... all the guys I've dated seriously don't really need "slowing down". If we aren't at the same speed (in terms of spending, lifestyle, responsibilities, etc.) then the relationship doesn't get to a heavy committment level.

I can totally understand having a religious or cultural opposition to "shacking up." I just don't understand the argument that a man will treat you better as a wife than as a girlfriend. If a man takes advantage of his girlfriend, or treats her badly, or acts immature, why would he act differently if she's his wife? And why would a woman expect any serious committment from a guy who does those things? 
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Roxie

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Re: Shacking Up
« Reply #62 on: July 19, 2005, 03:51:01 PM »
Shacking definitely won't change somebody.  But I do know women who think that if they live together, that is one step closer to a ring.  I think exactly the opposite of that.  Or there are other women who claim they don't care about being married, buy houses and get joint accounts with their men, and then walk around for 5 years secretly pouting bcuz he hasn't proposed yet.  One of my friends who was in this exact situation got her proposal a couple weeks ago - and after all that time of pretending that marriage didn't matter, she turned into a total Bridezilla within a matter of seconds!!
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blk_reign

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Re: Shacking Up
« Reply #63 on: July 19, 2005, 03:59:54 PM »
speaking of Bridezilla has anyone seen that show on WE?
We're not accepting this CHANGE UP in the rules. Period. American presidents have been in the bed with organized crime, corporate pilferers, and the like for years. And all u want to put on this man is that his pastor said "Gotdamn America?" Hell, America.U got off pretty damn well, if you ask me...

Roxie

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Re: Shacking Up
« Reply #64 on: July 19, 2005, 04:01:35 PM »
No -- I am kind of leary about watching it....

Blq - did you have time to watch tv in law school?  I am going to miss my shows.... :-[
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blk_reign

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Re: Shacking Up
« Reply #65 on: July 19, 2005, 04:03:57 PM »
tv.. hmm LOL.. well i'll put it to you this way.. i'm still in the habit of recording shows now even though i've been out of law school for a yr :D :D.. it takes me a few days to catch up on shows that are really of interest to me but i did find the time to watch a couple of things during the weekend

No -- I am kind of leary about watching it....

Blq - did you have time to watch tv in law school?  I am going to miss my shows.... :-[
We're not accepting this CHANGE UP in the rules. Period. American presidents have been in the bed with organized crime, corporate pilferers, and the like for years. And all u want to put on this man is that his pastor said "Gotdamn America?" Hell, America.U got off pretty damn well, if you ask me...

ScurvyWench

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Re: Shacking Up
« Reply #66 on: July 19, 2005, 04:10:32 PM »
Shacking up is great as long as you are both on the same page with your intentions. Problems arise when people have conflicting intentions and don't resolve them before hand.

Before my now husband and I moved in together we talked about our intentions, timeline, gameplan, rules, money, and a contengency plan. We thought about it like a business and tried to keep emotions out of it. After we made the decision in a logical manner, we were able to enjoy living together, getting engaged a few years later, and enjoy marriage together.

Here are things that make shacking up bad: One of you wants marriage and the other doesn't; one or both of you have kids; you're doing it out of convenience/to save money, without the intention of upping the ante on your relationship; you think you can just walk away at any time; you don't treat it like a marriage, to you it's "just" living together.

Living together is like marriage without the paper and you have to take it just as seriously. You have to have already made the committment to make the relationship work. If you don't, you're in for trouble. As I always say, your relationship doesn't start with a ring on your finger, it has to be there building long before that.

Roxie

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Re: Shacking Up
« Reply #67 on: July 19, 2005, 04:18:44 PM »
Yep - You have to be very clear about your intentions....otherwise one or both people will get burned.
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blk_reign

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Re: Shacking Up
« Reply #68 on: July 19, 2005, 04:23:17 PM »
preach :)


As I always say, your relationship doesn't start with a ring on your finger, it has to be there building long before that.
We're not accepting this CHANGE UP in the rules. Period. American presidents have been in the bed with organized crime, corporate pilferers, and the like for years. And all u want to put on this man is that his pastor said "Gotdamn America?" Hell, America.U got off pretty damn well, if you ask me...

Roxie

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Re: Shacking Up
« Reply #69 on: July 19, 2005, 04:25:49 PM »
Co-sign

HBCU - are we really banned from saying this now.... ???

preach :)


As I always say, your relationship doesn't start with a ring on your finger, it has to be there building long before that.
Think before you speak.