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Author Topic: Dating and Relationships (for Single Students Only)  (Read 2800 times)

rainmkr07

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Re: Dating and Relationships (for Single Students Only)
« Reply #10 on: June 17, 2004, 09:56:58 AM »
I have a BF and we have decided that trying the long distance thing just isnt for us.  We've been together for 2 years but I will be in LS across the country from him.  The biggest factor in the decision was how much people change over the course of 2-3 years, especially law students, and that neither one of us wanted to hold the other back.

I figure i am going to be starting a whole new part of my life and if he was there with me then it wouldnt be a problem but since he's not... I think its better to break up on good terms and keep in touch rather then hold out for each other, finally be in the same place, realize we have nothing in commom anymore and have a messy breakup.

This is kind of harsh Sarah.  I may be entering the long distance thing myself, but how can you breakup prior to even experiencing it?  Maybe you won't change so much and maybe it would work just fine and you would see him on breaks or holidays?  Maybe he could get a job near you and you could live together during your 2L or 3L experience?  I have considered the "going seperate ways thing" but I can't bring myself to consider such a thing never having tried the long distance thing, ya know?  Besides, maybe she could land a job with me in New York, that would be great.  It only takes a little discipline to stay focused for your 1L year, even with your significant other there, ya know?


farnsworth

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Re: Dating and Relationships (for Single Students Only)
« Reply #11 on: June 17, 2004, 10:21:35 AM »
I'm in the same situation as sarahz and rainmkr...I'm still not exactly sure what i'm going to do.  I'm going to NYC, and my gf will be in the Midwest still.  We've dated for a while, and she'd probably move to NYC when I'm a 2L, but I guess i'm not sure.  I dont really want to be tied down for my first year in law school in a new city.  I remember frosh undergrads who had bf/gf's and (the ones I knew at least) seemed rather tied down by it.  I guess I have the summer to figure things out but right now, i really dont know.  Plus it would seem that by dating other people (esp while it would be difficult for us to date each other) it would give a chance to really determine if we're right for each other and leave the door open to getting back together eventually.

Does this make any sense at all?  I guess i have the summer (where I'm still around 8 hrs away from her by car working) to figure things out

thinknpositive

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Re: Dating and Relationships (for Single Students Only)
« Reply #12 on: June 17, 2004, 11:29:36 AM »
here's what the profs think: those in long-distance relationships make the best students (and get the best grades). someone who has a bf/gf/significant other right there with them is going to have plenty of distractions, while the single kids will have a whole different kind of distractions (potentially sitting 2 seats away, even).
so the long-dist thing is at least good for your gpa :P

This may be true for the majority of people involved in long distance relationships, but not me.  I spent so much damn time on the phone with her and stressing out over all our problems.  My grades suffered my senior year as a result of the relationship.  It was rough.  Had I been single and actively scamming on the hotties, I would have surely had more time to concentrate and less problems to focus on.

rainmkr07

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Re: Dating and Relationships (for Single Students Only)
« Reply #13 on: June 17, 2004, 11:41:12 AM »
I remember frosh undergrads who had bf/gf's and (the ones I knew at least) seemed rather tied down by it.

This is true.  I forgot about this.  I actually broke up with my high school girlfriend to not be held back, and she agreed.  However, my college sweetheart is a bit different.  We are older and more mature than freshmen year of undergrad, and this is a girl I can see by myside through law school and afterward, as my girlfriend, then fiancee, then ultimately my wife.

So I guess it boils down to how much you feel for your siginicant other.  If you don't love them, then you won't have the drive or desire to work through law school.  I figure if we can make it through law school, and the strain that it can cause on couples, then we are going to make it to our old age together in rocking chairs on the porch, ya know?

Ryan

farnsworth

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Re: Dating and Relationships (for Single Students Only)
« Reply #14 on: June 17, 2004, 11:54:40 AM »

this is a girl I can see by myside through law school and afterward, as my girlfriend, then fiancee, then ultimately my wife.


I think this is ultimately what the original question of whether a long-distance relationship will work comes down to.  If you don't see the relationship in that light, it's not going to work.  That's the only there's enough committment, and enough desire to alter life plans and come back to living in the same city again.  And probably, most people in that scenario already know that and know they won't have problems with the distance thing as a result

sarahz

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Re: Dating and Relationships (for Single Students Only)
« Reply #15 on: June 17, 2004, 01:50:03 PM »
I dont think i'm being harsh-i think i am being realistic!  Neither of us is willing to force the other to give up what they want to do for the other.  And neither of us want to hold the other back from meeting new people and experiencing new things.  It isnt a situation where we'd be seperated for a year...it would be 3years and i do think that people change over that much time...when i think about how i was 3 years ago..I'm a totally different person.

And i dont think that by breaking up it means we dont love each other-I think it is quite the opposite...by sacraficing a pretty damn good relationship to allow us both to achieve what we want sounds like a mature, healthy response.


ElysiaCerise

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Re: Dating and Relationships (for Single Students Only)
« Reply #16 on: June 17, 2004, 06:48:16 PM »
I think it's all dependent on the strength of the relationship and the feasability of seeing each other throughout the school year.  My bf and I are going to make it work.  I'll be at Maryland (in B'more) and he's living and working in Philly.  It's about 2.5 hours away.  But we're going to try to set aside one weekend a month for him to take a "business trip" to B'more to see me. 

This is a HUGE change for us since we've been living together for the past year (our last year at undergrad).  But change can be a good thing.  Plus he's a great guy... I can't imagine giving him up the way some of the girls gave up their bf's on this board... how cold!!  :o

~E
Heading to Baltimore in August...

sarahz

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Re: Dating and Relationships (for Single Students Only)
« Reply #17 on: June 18, 2004, 12:31:20 AM »
I think it's all dependent on the strength of the relationship and the feasability of seeing each other throughout the school year.  My bf and I are going to make it work.  I'll be at Maryland (in B'more) and he's living and working in Philly.  It's about 2.5 hours away.  But we're going to try to set aside one weekend a month for him to take a "business trip" to B'more to see me. 

This is a HUGE change for us since we've been living together for the past year (our last year at undergrad).  But change can be a good thing.  Plus he's a great guy... I can't imagine giving him up the way some of the girls gave up their bf's on this board... how cold!!  :o

~E

COLD??? actually no...its being realistic and mature about a situation.  I know that i want a boyfriend i'll see more then once a year and i know that its not fair to me or to my boyfriend to put up with that unnecessary stress.  I also know that as much as i care about my boyfriend asking him to sacrifice his goals to follow me to school is something i'd never do.  I've seen more then my fair share of long distance relationships fizzle to an ackward end and that is not something i want at all!  And as upset as i am and will continue to be until i move...I am able to acknowledge that i will meet someone else who i'll love and i'll be able to take all the things i've learned from this relationship and be even happier.  Maybe its because i've been in a similar situation with another long-term boyfriend (5 years) that i am able to see all of this...as opposed to you...not to say that long distance cant work-it can...but i know its not something that works for me...so think before you insult other women on this website for their decisions.

thinknpositive

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Re: Dating and Relationships (for Single Students Only)
« Reply #18 on: June 18, 2004, 08:29:43 AM »
I think it's all dependent on the strength of the relationship and the feasability of seeing each other throughout the school year.  My bf and I are going to make it work.  I'll be at Maryland (in B'more) and he's living and working in Philly.  It's about 2.5 hours away.  But we're going to try to set aside one weekend a month for him to take a "business trip" to B'more to see me. 

This is a HUGE change for us since we've been living together for the past year (our last year at undergrad).  But change can be a good thing.  Plus he's a great guy... I can't imagine giving him up the way some of the girls gave up their bf's on this board... how cold!!  :o

~E

COLD??? actually no...its being realistic and mature about a situation.  I know that i want a boyfriend i'll see more then once a year and i know that its not fair to me or to my boyfriend to put up with that unnecessary stress.  I also know that as much as i care about my boyfriend asking him to sacrifice his goals to follow me to school is something i'd never do.  I've seen more then my fair share of long distance relationships fizzle to an ackward end and that is not something i want at all!  And as upset as i am and will continue to be until i move...I am able to acknowledge that i will meet someone else who i'll love and i'll be able to take all the things i've learned from this relationship and be even happier.  Maybe its because i've been in a similar situation with another long-term boyfriend (5 years) that i am able to see all of this...as opposed to you...not to say that long distance cant work-it can...but i know its not something that works for me...so think before you insult other women on this website for their decisions.

Yeah, seriously.  There are too many fish in the sea to even count,  why put yourself through the unneccessary stress of enduring a long distance relationship. I love those girls that think they have met their soulmate at 22 and then once that relationship ends, they think their next boyfriend is their soulmate as well.  Your boyfriend will make it work until he finds some better ass somewhere else.  Guys are only as faithful as their options. Get over yourselves.

farnsworth

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Re: Dating and Relationships (for Single Students Only)
« Reply #19 on: June 18, 2004, 08:48:31 AM »
Yeah, i really don't see how this is 'cold' either.  It's realizing that some of life's decisions are more important than the person you're dating as an undergrad, and not changing your entire life to revolve around 1 person.  If anything, it can be more helpful to the relationship to end it- especially when it's a long-term long-distance thing.  By ending things on amicable terms due to distance, it gives a realistic chance of the relationship possibly starting up again if circumstances happen that way.  The strains of that long-term of a long-distance relationship are much more likely to end things permanently