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Author Topic: Am i psycho?  (Read 639 times)

Dangermouse

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Am i psycho?
« on: July 06, 2005, 03:22:58 AM »
Ok here goes I never had a relationship with one of my parents, they were never around. This parent has other children , older and younger than me that I have never met. I have never met this parent but have done some sleuthing and seen a photo of a younger sister. I used to get about 1 letter a year from this parent and haven't heard from them in 2 years.
 I feel abandoned and unworthy, especially as this parent really seems to love this little sister. I now have this sisters e-mail address, she is 20 now. I was planning on e-mailing her as a long lost friend just to find out more about her and our shared parent. I don't think this sister even knows I exist. I know her other parent knows about me but I don't think I have ever been mentioned. I was planning on asking in e-mail if sister had any siblins and seeing what they say.
 Here's the thing I know if they say no, I will be even more hurt than I already am. Should I even bother? How do I gt over the fact that this parent doesn't love me or care about me and has never even met me. Most probably doesn't even know what I look like. How do I get over this. This has been hurting me for a long time and I need to get over it b4 I start law school.
 I don't have money to see a shrink
 Serious advice only please

lsdreamer

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Re: Am i psycho?
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2005, 03:55:13 AM »
I'm sorry to hear your having such a hard time. I'd say that if you want to contact your sister, you should start out by being honest.  Pretending to be someone else will only complicate things and create a lack of trust on her end before she even gets to meet you.  Who knows how she'll react and what you'll find out, but unless she's a big jerk, there's no reason she'll react badly...Also, you never know if the reason your absent parent hasn't been in contat is b/c he/she doesn't care, or feels guilty/ashamed of themselves.  I'm sure that the fear in not knowing how these people will react will make you guess, second guess and think up all sorts of reasons why not to get in contact. If you do want to contact them, just do it. Whatever the outcome, at the very least you'll get some closure.

Bye the way..I know counseling sounds expensive, but there are family centers/low income counselors who only charge $20/hour.  The cost of a movie and dinner once a week could probably help you get your feelings sorted out. Counselors can really be a great sounding board and give good, unbiased advice. 

Take care and I really hope this works out for you. 

Dangermouse

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Re: Am i psycho?
« Reply #2 on: July 06, 2005, 04:11:31 AM »
Thanks, I guess i'm scared to say who i am. my sister doesn't even know i exist and both her parents are still together and married, she knows about all the other siblings apart from me, i guess i feel like my psrent will hate me once they realize i contacted my sister.
 i don't have a phone number, address, or e-mail address for this parent, only a p.o box.
 i know that dont want contact with me. each letter says they want us to meet but it hasn't happened yet and i know that said parent has been in my area on many occasions. I found out I have another sister that lives in same area as me but she is older, not sure where she lives but somewhere in same town. i dont think she knows about me either.
 i guess maybe i should just leave well alone, i have written parent  5 times and have still not heard back.
 i go to mailbox everyday anxiously, its sad, kinda like waiting for ls letters, only the cycle never ends for me. i'm always hoping, looking, praying and a letter never comes. i think im hurting myself more this way.
 thanks for answering me though, it really hurts sometimes

bluetooth

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Re: Am i psycho?
« Reply #3 on: July 06, 2005, 04:14:38 AM »
It seems to me that you better forget about them. Mind your own business. First, aim to kick ass in law school and be a good lawyer. Second, build dependable and good relationships with friends and significant other. Cultivate your own garden.

Sometimes we have to accept life as it is. Don't blame others, especially your parents. They might have even bigger problems, for example, mental disease untreated for several decades.  ;)

No matter how bad you feel now, remember, time heals all pains.

I agree with dreamer that you should be straightforward if you have to contact and ask.

mxpocc

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Re: Am i psycho?
« Reply #4 on: July 06, 2005, 04:14:46 AM »
Ok here goes I never had a relationship with one of my parents, they were never around. This parent has other children , older and younger than me that I have never met. I have never met this parent but have done some sleuthing and seen a photo of a younger sister. I used to get about 1 letter a year from this parent and haven't heard from them in 2 years.
 I feel abandoned and unworthy, especially as this parent really seems to love this little sister. I now have this sisters e-mail address, she is 20 now. I was planning on e-mailing her as a long lost friend just to find out more about her and our shared parent. I don't think this sister even knows I exist. I know her other parent knows about me but I don't think I have ever been mentioned. I was planning on asking in e-mail if sister had any siblins and seeing what they say.
 Here's the thing I know if they say no, I will be even more hurt than I already am. Should I even bother? How do I gt over the fact that this parent doesn't love me or care about me and has never even met me. Most probably doesn't even know what I look like. How do I get over this. This has been hurting me for a long time and I need to get over it b4 I start law school.
 I don't have money to see a shrink
 Serious advice only please

I actually endured, and am still enduring, a frighteningly similar situation. my dad abandoned my mom while she was pregnant with me, and I didn't talk to him for the first 16yrs of my life. here's the twist: my mom got back with him when I was about 17yrs old.

He, too, had other children from other marriages: 2 older than me and one younger.

I've since developed a strong relationship with the younger (who was his cherished child), but I've never gotten over my resentment toward him (my dad).

I'd like to talk to you about this, seeing as we seem to be quite similar.

mxpocc

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Re: Am i psycho?
« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2005, 04:18:55 AM »


No matter how bad you feel now, remember, time heals all pains.


the rest of your post was true, but this part isn't :)


lsdreamer

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Re: Am i psycho?
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2005, 04:21:39 AM »
Hmmmm.....I know the title of the site, "LAW SCHOOL DISCUSSION" and the title of this board "APPLYING TO LAW SCHOOL" could possbily lead one to believe that this is the place to post their non-law school related musings on their childhood. Still, I think you may have meant to post this question elsewhere....like a self-help board.  Or maybe a psychology or psychiatry advice board.  Or perhaps even a broken family support board.

I don't mean to sound cruel, just logical...you're looking for advice in all the wrong places.  Crazy, OCD, type-A personality, future lawyer types are NOT going to do you much good unless of course the question is how to make your sob story into a worthwile hardship addendum.  

Just my $0.02.


Most the posters on this board ask questions and obsessively post their lsat practice test scores, gpa's, etc...so people will comfort them and sooth their insecurities.  I'd rather give advice to someone with a real need, on their way to law school despite opersonal obstacles, than respond to one of the countless "171 LSAT...should I re-take?" posts on this board.  Those posts kill me.  If you feel it's irrelevant, skip it, just like I do with half the threads...




lsdreamer

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Re: Am i psycho?
« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2005, 04:30:43 AM »
Thanks, I guess i'm scared to say who i am. my sister doesn't even know i exist and both her parents are still together and married, she knows about all the other siblings apart from me, i guess i feel like my psrent will hate me once they realize i contacted my sister.
 i don't have a phone number, address, or e-mail address for this parent, only a p.o box.
 i know that dont want contact with me. each letter says they want us to meet but it hasn't happened yet and i know that said parent has been in my area on many occasions. I found out I have another sister that lives in same area as me but she is older, not sure where she lives but somewhere in same town. i dont think she knows about me either.
 i guess maybe i should just leave well alone, i have written parent  5 times and have still not heard back.
 i go to mailbox everyday anxiously, its sad, kinda like waiting for ls letters, only the cycle never ends for me. i'm always hoping, looking, praying and a letter never comes. i think im hurting myself more this way.
 thanks for answering me though, it really hurts sometimes

I really think you should talk to a counselor. Money doesn't have to be a huge issue, since it can be inexpensive...It's very clear that you have a lot of hurt/anger about this (as anyone would) and it won't just dissapear.  "Forgetting about it" really won't happen.  Time won't erase this if you push it under the rug.   Really, get some support and talk about this.  I'm not saying counseling is the only way to go. Friends and family support is really important...But, those people usually will give very conflicting advice, based on their emotions, own experiences...A counselor (or most) aren't as biased and have a lot of tools to help people with complicated issues...