I posted this on another thread, and here it goes again...
Have you checked out the website EssayEdge.com? You can look through their many successful application essays for free. If you decide to use their editing service, you'll need to pay a fee though. But with the 10% discount coupon code ("1018119302"), the price is actually quite reasonable, plus their editing expertise is top-notch.
Also I found this customers poll on their site:
1. Were you a college, professional school, or graduate school applicant?
33% college applicants, 43% professional school applicants, 19% graduate school applicants, 5% other applicants
2. On a scale of 1 - 10, how much did your editor improve your essay? Select "10" for "tremendous improvement"; select "1" for "absolutely no improvement."
9.1
3. To what extent will you incorporate EssayEdge edits into the final version of your essay. Select "10" for "accept every edit"; select "1" for "reject every edit."
8.7
4. Were you satisfied with EssayEdge?
99+ percent "YES"
5. Did you find the critique helpful?
93 percent "YES"
6. On a letter grade scale of F to A+, please rate the overall quality or EssayEdge editing?
A
7. Did you get into one of the top three schools on your initial list? Did you get into the top school?
At least one of top three: 94 percent yes. Top school: 66 percent yes
8. Do you think EssayEdge editing improved your chances of admission?
96 percent yes
9. Would you recommend EssayEdge to a friend?
98 percent yes