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Author Topic: Dear Red States  (Read 6019 times)

Paikea

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Dear Red States
« on: July 05, 2005, 11:37:43 PM »
Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've
decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue
States with us.  In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii,
Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all
the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue.
You get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti-war
and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If
you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids
they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and
they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's
caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're
not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce,
92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you
can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90
percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal,
all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven
Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese
Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US
mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99%
of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of
Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed
by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the
death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory,
53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards
believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
We're taking the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow
in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Author Unknown in New California.

"Those who want the Government to regulate matters of the mind and spirit are like men who are so afraid of being murdered that they commit suicide to avoid assassination." - Harry S. Truman

"All bad precedents begin with justifiable measures."  - Julius Caesar

__

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Re: Dear Red States
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2005, 11:42:02 PM »
I'm with you... but no way...

...we're USA they get to get a new name.
sometimes I put hot chinese mustard up my nose to see if I'm still alive

maka nani

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Re: Dear Red States
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2005, 11:43:59 PM »
 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
DON'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL YOU DUMB FUCKS.

gailrules

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Re: Dear Red States
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2005, 11:47:59 PM »
ALL the mosquitos? I thought Michigan was a Blue State....

Paikea

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Re: Dear Red States
« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2005, 11:51:29 PM »
ALL the mosquitos? I thought Michigan was a Blue State....


92% of the mosquitos.   :)
"Those who want the Government to regulate matters of the mind and spirit are like men who are so afraid of being murdered that they commit suicide to avoid assassination." - Harry S. Truman

"All bad precedents begin with justifiable measures."  - Julius Caesar

texas1

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Re: Dear Red States
« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2005, 12:56:26 AM »
That's fine - we'll keep the oil  :)

Paikea

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Re: Dear Red States
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2005, 12:58:16 AM »
That's fine - we'll keep the oil  :)


Don't you mean steal it?   ;)
"Those who want the Government to regulate matters of the mind and spirit are like men who are so afraid of being murdered that they commit suicide to avoid assassination." - Harry S. Truman

"All bad precedents begin with justifiable measures."  - Julius Caesar

Ragnar Danneskjold

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Re: Dear Red States
« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2005, 01:05:36 AM »
Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California and we've
decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue
States with us.  In case you aren't aware that includes Hawaii,
Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all
the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue.
You get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro choice and anti-war
and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If
you need people to fight ask your evangelicals. They have kids
they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose and
they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's
caskets coming home.

We wish you success in Iraq and hope that the WMDs turn up but we're
not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce,
92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you
can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90
percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal,
all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven
Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese
Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US
mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99%
of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of
Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed
by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the
death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory,
53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards
believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
We're taking the good pot too. You can have that dirt weed they grow
in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Author Unknown in New California.


Yes. It's official. The absolute lamest post on LSD. Good going.
I'm an NYC boy, 153/3.3

ATTENDING: Santa Clara w/$$$
Accepted: Marquette($), Villanova, Howard, Univ. San Francisco($) 
Out: Boston College, Temple, Michigan State Univ.
Wait List: Seattle Univ., Univ. Pittsburgh, Rutgers-Newark, Syracuse

Paikea

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Re: Dear Red States
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2005, 01:12:46 AM »
Yes. It's official. The absolute lamest post on LSD. Good going.



"Lamest?"  Are you sure it is the "absolute lamest?"

High school talk is so cute.
"Those who want the Government to regulate matters of the mind and spirit are like men who are so afraid of being murdered that they commit suicide to avoid assassination." - Harry S. Truman

"All bad precedents begin with justifiable measures."  - Julius Caesar

bruin

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Re: Dear Red States
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2005, 02:06:30 AM »
That's fine - we'll keep the oil  :)

That's what alternative energy is all about. Have fun pumping enough oil for all the Hummers and Tahoes.
Attending UVa
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