Law School Discussion

State of Black Marriages....

smujd2007

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Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #40 on: May 29, 2005, 07:41:25 PM »
ok..so, would you ladies date a man that doesn't have a college degree? let's say he got into a 4yr school and you already have your sh*t. will you date him while he is in undergrad?

If I were single I'd have to say it depends. I know a couple of guys in my church who run their own business but didn't graduate college. It all depends on the guy. You can have a lot of drive, intelligence, etc. but just not do well in an academic setting. If he'd done well in his life up till that point and decided later that he wanted to get a college degree for whatever reason that would be fine.

I would date a guy in undergrad if he has himself together. Education isn't always for everyone, and education may not be for everyone at a certain point in life.  I don't necessarily have to date a doctor or a lawyer, but I do have to date someone that is doing something for himself in anticipation of having a stable future. That is required.

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Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #41 on: May 29, 2005, 08:20:36 PM »
ok..so, would you ladies date a man that doesn't have a college degree? let's say he got into a 4yr school and you already have your sh*t. will you date him while he is in undergrad?

If I were single I'd have to say it depends. I know a couple of guys in my church who run their own business but didn't graduate college. It all depends on the guy. You can have a lot of drive, intelligence, etc. but just not do well in an academic setting. If he'd done well in his life up till that point and decided later that he wanted to get a college degree for whatever reason that would be fine.

I would date a guy in undergrad if he has himself together. Education isn't always for everyone, and education may not be for everyone at a certain point in life.  I don't necessarily have to date a doctor or a lawyer, but I do have to date someone that is doing something for himself in anticipation of having a stable future. That is required.

Agreed.  I don't even have to date a college educated sister.  Maybe while we worrying about college loans and studying european history, she was starting a hair braiding business or a book store.  I'm serious about this, I definitely don't have that "my partner has to be college educated" mentality.  Maybe she will be more open-minded for not going.  Who knows?  Just show me a sister who is trying to make it, mentally stimulating, NOT CRAZY, as drama free as possible, cool to chill with and talk to, and I'm golden.
 

1lwhit

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #42 on: May 29, 2005, 08:57:41 PM »
I suggest that everyone read "Trophy Man - The Surprising Secrets of Black Women Who Marry Well" by Joy McElroy.

Just my two cents...

Fabyahluss

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #43 on: May 29, 2005, 10:27:21 PM »


Dr. Hare adds that while many couples work on creating drama in their relationships, they often won't seek help in quashing the drama when their marriage is in trouble. "You have to work at a marriage," she says. "We will work hard to get the latest Manolo Blahnik shoes. We're too quick to give up [on marriage]."


While most of the article was definitely on point, I feel as though this little paragraph could have been left out. Black couples aren't any less willing to work at a marriage than white couples. Although white couples often have the economic ability to see a marriage counselor, poor Blacks, for example, seldom have that opportunity.  So it's not necessarily a matter of merely wanting to improve a relationship, but moreso a question of whether it's economically feasile, which for many Blacks it's not.


elegantpearl01

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #44 on: May 30, 2005, 05:18:18 AM »
I suggest that everyone read "Trophy Man - The Surprising Secrets of Black Women Who Marry Well" by Joy McElroy.

Just my two cents...

That book was good, but it was a boring read....there are a number of books out there on the subject that are better.....

elegantpearl01

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #45 on: May 30, 2005, 05:22:48 AM »
ok..so, would you ladies date a man that doesn't have a college degree? let's say he got into a 4yr school and you already have your sh*t. will you date him while he is in undergrad?

Not if he was in undergrad, I'm 30, I assuming he'll be a little too young for me....i could date someone in law/med school though

what if he is 30 and in undergrad?

That really would depend on a  number of situations....perhaps if had been in the military for a minute and then went to college that might be acceptable. But in my path, I don't typically cross 30 year olds in undergrad.  I have met a couple in law school who are great guys---I just don't want to date a 22 year old.

What do find is that there are a lot of "good guys" with a child and I am finding I am having to relax that rule on on no kids...there are dudes in my age group with 12, 13 year old kids.  I guess it's one thing to have had one kid when you were 18 (and taking care of it) and another to be a seed dropper...with kids allover town. 

HBCU.EDU

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #46 on: May 30, 2005, 07:40:59 AM »
Elegant-

I feel you but it's not the kid that's the problem. It's the baby mamma/daddy. I mean, I don't want my girl's baby daddy calling the house looking for my wife or coming over. He will ALWAYS be a part of her life in a very big way you know? They will always have that connection. And you canít do a DAYUM THANG ABOUT IT. Dude has a right to call and come over at times.  Hell,  my wife would even have to call her X and go over his house from time to time to drop off the kids or something. OMG!  It's hard enough to get your man/woman to stop talking to an X when you are in a serious relationship with them. I guess I understand the reason why girls (because they are emotional and they hold on to memories and sh*t)keep and X around but that sh*t has to end at some point if the current serious relationship is to go forward. However, a baby daddy is ALWAYS going to be there and he may even get to f*uck a few times while the current husband is away  or something.  Itís not like you can tell that fool that he canít come to the childís birthday party right?

Hell, I feel the same way about a girl that has an X husband. He is always going to have a connection with her is hard to break. Girls hold on to sh*t a lot longer than men do. A man can break up with an X and forget about that sh*t. He can have sex with another woman the very same night. Girls are not like that at all. See the problem with baby daddy be around is that you guys have beautiful memories of experiences you had together. Hell, all he has to do while you are talking about a schedule to pick up the kids from school is this: ďOk, Iíll pick up the kidsÖ..hey, you remember that time I met you at school and we went to see 'beat street'?  We had a good time didnít we? hey, remember our song 'make it last forever' by keith sweat?" When you have been with someone for many years, it is obvious that that person was at some point quite special to you. So one would be foolish to think that you can just some years later communicate with that person and have it be so detached that it really is an "innocent" encounter. 4,5,8 year relationships with struggle, memories, kids, divorces or something like that. People who have those long relationships and have kids or get divorced etc have a lot of experiences with each other elegant. It crazy to think that they donítí talk about the past at least some point in their conversations together. It will ALWAYS happen and emotions will develop and before you know it she is in love with the brotha again and she is asking for one more chance. Guys do stupid sh*t and he may just let old girl give him one last Bj for the road. I am the kind of person that if it is over and I am with someone else, I am not going to call you and you do not need to call me for friendly chatter. That's just me. But women love to do sh*t like that to test us and see if we are jealous and all of that. If a woman has a baby daddy all he has to say is ďremember the time we were in the delivery room and we had our first childÖ.it was beautifulÖyou  were beautiful babyĒ awww sh*t. I donít trust baby daddies man.


Hey, before you know it baby daddy/mamma, or the X husband, or just the X even is going to be in that ass before the night is over with. A man has more control telling his woman that she will not talk to an X anymore. He has a right to do that. However, he canít say that sh*t about baby daddy. There is no control. I guess the rule to follow is this: If a girl/guy canít end a connection with an X/baby daddy/mamma X husband/wife just leave his/her ass alone. Hey, when we get into serious relationship we all have  the people in our past that were important to us that we have to let go. It can be hard at times and some people handle it in different ways than others but there is no getting rid of a baby daddy! Before you know it dude will be sitting on your couch drinking a beer and talking about how he use to tap your wifeís ass every night.  Not good!

elegantpearl01

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #47 on: May 30, 2005, 07:53:05 AM »
Oh I do believe you have to be careful when dealing with a person with a baby/mama daddy or ex-wife/husband. My parents divorced when I was 6 and my mother remarried when I was 8. My father hasn't been to our house since they divorced and really never called the house at all. He's remarried and has his own life. I think its a difference when folks can move on and let go, and others always have some ties.

Everyone's situation is different, if someone got preganant at 18 and they are now 32, chances are they have moved on with their life and done something different. It's all in who you deal with...my PREFERENCE is to deal with a man with no children. I don't have any kids, so therefore I would want my mate not to have any. BUT if I had a kid, I wouldn't want folks to automatically discount me either...catch 22 I suppose.

HBCU.EDU

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #48 on: May 30, 2005, 08:06:49 AM »
Oh I do believe you have to be careful when dealing with a person with a baby/mama daddy or ex-wife/husband. My parents divorced when I was 6 and my mother remarried when I was 8. My father hasn't been to our house since they divorced and really never called the house at all. He's remarried and has his own life. I think its a difference when folks can move on and let go, and others always have some ties.

Everyone's situation is different, if someone got preganant at 18 and they are now 32, chances are they have moved on with their life and done something different. It's all in who you deal with...my PREFERENCE is to deal with a man with no children. I don't have any kids, so therefore I would want my mate not to have any. BUT if I had a kid, I wouldn't want folks to automatically discount me either...catch 22 I suppose.



I feel you elegant and I agree that one should prefer to date someone with no kids or an x husband/wife. 50% of marriages fail you know. They fail for many reasons and Iíve got to think that having X lovers around has to be one of them. The relationship can NEVER work  if your SO has occasional contact with an X lover. Period. The state of black marriages will continue to struggle. Hey, one will say ďwell, you need to trust your mate. He/she aint gonna do anythingĒ Itís not about your SOÖitís about the pressure that the X/X husband/babby daddy mamma will put on him/her to make the relationship work again or to have one last kiss, or to take a trip down memory lane. It happens all the times. Iíve seen it over and over again. 

I use to watch ďAll of UsĒ on UPN all the time and be like dayum! This relationship is just too stressful. The new wife has to put up with sh*t that is unnecessary from her husbands X . All the bickering and being paranoid. Why put up with it if you donít have to?
     
If you had a kid elegant you would be cool if you didn't talk to your baby daddy. I would be like "so, when was the last time you talked to the child's father?" if you are like "oh yeah...we talk all the time...he is a good guy...he is going to come over for dinner and you can meet him"...I'm like Peace! 2 fingers! You can't have that brotha man! Also, you want to know the kinda man your wifes X lover is. I know a girl that has a baby daddy that just got out of jail for selling drugs. Some liberal guys will be like "hey, no worries...keep the X around. we will all have a great time together. does he know how to play card games?!" I'm different though. I mean...who would want to marry a girl that is in contact with a felon? If you don't respect the X you can't allow her to contact that fool.

elegantpearl01

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #49 on: May 30, 2005, 08:31:31 AM »
I feel ya (I don't have kids by the way)

The mother/father only need to have contact regarding issues relating to the child's upbringing, there's no need for them to be "tight" friends...there has to be boundaries.Child support is handled through the courts, so that's a big thing, you only need to be civil with regards to visitation/phone calls...no need to be all up in each other's business.

That show all of us was soo unbelievable. Something tells me that Jada/Will/Sheree's relationship isn't like that...I think Jada runs the whole show.