Law School Discussion

State of Black Marriages....

_BP_

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Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2005, 06:11:59 PM »


Scurvy: “I also don't care that you're so sensitive that you must believe that saying whites earn more than blacks becomes someone saying that white men are better than black men”

That is what you said! You made it into a race issue not me. Hey, if you just said that black families are having problems staying together because of financial problems I wouldn’t have had a problem with it. Period. But, there was NO REASON for you to talk about your family member who is married to a white man and as a result they are happily married unlike the other family member who married black men and are broke and divorced. That is very insulting.


I agree HBCU, that's the first thing that jumped out when I read that.  WTF, I don't know how you cannot see this Scurvy.  As for that article, I don't buy a lot of things that it says, but it would take too long for me to pick it apart (as I'm tempted to do), but I'm busy...

HBCU.EDU

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2005, 06:12:49 PM »
The problem with black marriages today is the fact that the mentalities have changed of both women and men.. honestly I believe that a lot of people sabotage their marriages early on.. but I’ll get to that point in a second..

Money isn’t everything.. that’s truth.. but it is a huge factor because people let the financial status of what they see on tv or what the “jones’ “ are doing dictate the lifestyle that they want.. no one wants to struggle… but what happened to supporting one another through goals and endeavors?? If that means that the woman has to take a “leadership” role (financially based alone) for a short time period so that the man can do what he feels needs to be done (of course this is a decision that both parties should make together)  to carry the family to a better financial situation then so be it.. Women need to step up to the plate.. 

the problem is that a lot of times when women tell their men that they’ll support them- they’re the same women who will throw in that man’s face that they’re making more money at the time….

Here’s the thing.. we believe that in spite of all of our faults and problems that men just have to deal with it without any say.. but let the man do the same thing that we’ve done.. or talk to us in a manner that we’ve talked to them- they’re labeled as bad men..

We have double standards too women.. let’s not forget that…

it’s alright for us to be teachers for example.. but if the man is a teacher we aren’t even interested in entertaining him as a possible option for marriage..

All of this actually started in my opinion when we went to college… a lot of “good girls” were interested in getting involved with men who don’t necessarily have the values that we desire in a man but they’re attractive.. and they’re good for a thrill..

So in turn we’ve settled for less than what we’re worth and it’s hard to break out of that stigma… dating the “thugs” the “pretty boys” who are attractive with no substance etc..men who cared about themselves or their element more than they cared about the woman or the core values that I’ve talked about in the ask a black girl thread…

Someone told us that it’s okay to be with a man

who’s cheated on us..

who’s still at home letting mama take care of him..

who has kids that he doesn’t take care of

who does drugs

who dresses like a buffoon

who doesn’t respect us as women

who doesn’t know where he came from

who has no goals other than becoming a rap artist (sorry bruh if it hasn’t happened by now the probability is slim to none)

well look.. it’s not alright..

CHILVARY IS NOT DEAD!

and the reason that men are getting away with these things is because we let them.. RBG said something to that effect a while ago and damn near got smacked down for even alluding to it…

the difference between our grandparents and us is that women back then knew how to step up to the plate.. . they knew how to make the best out of every situation and they demanded the respect .. love and compassion that they deserved from men…


No disrespect, but this sounds good and all, but you're really not saying anything. Or I should say, the things that you are saying are common sense amongst us sistas and brothas on this board. But do you talk to the young girl on the street and tell her these things? You're explaining one part of the problem- and with it sounding very unsupportive of your fellow sistas, but you're not explaining the solution. Yes a lot of black women do need to step it up, and yes a lot of black men need to step t up, but how and in what sense are you referring too? Of course our grandmothers and greatmothers and great-great grandmothers held it down, but that was also n a very different time and place, how do sistas in today's age do what you have put forth and balance that?

I will always be the #1 instigator on this bi-atch!  ;)

Lady- Blk listed a lot of *&^% man:

Someone told us that it’s okay to be with a man

who’s cheated on us..

who’s still at home letting mama take care of him..

who has kids that he doesn’t take care of

who does drugs

who dresses like a buffoon

who doesn’t respect us as women

who doesn’t know where he came from

who has no goals other than becoming a rap artist (sorry bruh if it hasn’t happened by now the probability is slim to none)

well look.. it’s not alright..

That is how sistas need to step it up. That is what she is talking about. I'ts not common sense to women. I don't know why you think that because black women date guys like this all the time.

Ladyday

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Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #12 on: May 29, 2005, 06:15:18 PM »
Common sense is uncommon...if more brothers/sisters thought what Reign was saying, there wouldn't be soo many articles on the state of the black family

I understand that. That's why I'm asking how many times *we* as the future leaders of the black community talk to the brothas and sistas who really need to hear what she's saying. For the most part, the majority of us are going to be alright, it's the sistas walking down the block with baby carriages at age 14 that truly need our help. I'm sure the majority of us on this board have heard these sage words before, either through our parents, other family members, friends, or mass e-mails.

HolyDung

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2005, 06:16:41 PM »
That article is way too true. I can even see it in my family. Of my mom and her five sisters, all of the women who married black men, had lower incomes and wound up divorced. The one who married a white man has a much higher household income and they've been happily married for nearly forty years.

I think that the financial struggle puts so much strain on relationships that it's difficult to make it through the rough times. Money should not be everything, but when every day is a struggle to survive, it just can't be ignored. Simple problems can that can be solved by money aren't in many black families because of finances. For example, both parents working long days. They need extended hours daycare but can't afford it. Husband doesn't get out of work in time to pick the kid up, wife can't make it home on the train to pick the kid up, argument and blame ensues and the rift begins. All because of the inability to afford extended hours childcare.


What you said is bull. So, I guess black women should just have sex with white men huh? That would definitely solve the problem between "black men AND black women". Sisters on this board are trying to marry brothers. Sucking white cock aint the answer to everything. Did you read the article?

"In 1963 when Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave his "I Have a Dream" speech, more than 70 percent of all Black families were headed by married couples. In 2002 that number was 48 percent."

We were getting our ass kicked by the white man back in 63. We had less education and a lot less money. Would you agree with this? Yet.....we were married at a higher rate! Basically, what you just said is bull.

Finances don't have 1/2 as much to do with it as the changing roles of black families. Black Men and Women are getting more education and making more money. We are waiting longer to get married these days because of other pursuits. It's not like we are getting married at 16 and having 20 kids in order to have enough cotton pickers on our farm. Black people got sh*t to do these days. This whole bull about "the one who married a white man has a much higher household income and they've been happily married for nearly forty years" is bull. My grandmother was dirt poor with a 3rd grade education and she was married for over 40 yrs. Also, she had 14 kids so wtf?   

You know, I’ll put money on the fact that you are either dating a white man right now or you have in the past. I’ve heard people talk like you so many times. “I date white men because they don’t do this that and the other”…..Listen…..if you want to date white men for the rest of your life I say be my guest. Really…who gives a #@!*? However, don’t come in here trying to put these white boys over black men just because they make more money than us. You know what………money aint everything and it’s not going to keep you married. Money has nothing to do with staying married….look at Hollywood or just turn on ET or something. 


HBCU.EDU your post is illustrative of the root causes.. failing to engage in a civil dialogue is a big factor in divorces.

HTH

HBCU.EDU

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2005, 06:17:53 PM »
We do need to hear these things lady. Everybody on tihs board doesn't have common sense just because we are going to law school and are going to be "aight". I know girls that were in law school that dated stupid n-word with no education and no goals. For example....look at Ruskie. Sorry but it's true.

 

Common sense is uncommon...if more brothers/sisters thought what Reign was saying, there wouldn't be soo many articles on the state of the black family

I understand that. That's why I'm asking how many times *we* as the future leaders of the black community talk to the brothas and sistas who really need to hear what she's saying. For the most part, the majority of us are going to be alright, it's the sistas walking down the block with baby carriages at age 14 that truly need our help. I'm sure the majority of us on this board have heard these sage words before, either through our parents, other family members, friends, or mass e-mails.

HBCU.EDU

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #15 on: May 29, 2005, 06:19:02 PM »
That article is way too true. I can even see it in my family. Of my mom and her five sisters, all of the women who married black men, had lower incomes and wound up divorced. The one who married a white man has a much higher household income and they've been happily married for nearly forty years.

I think that the financial struggle puts so much strain on relationships that it's difficult to make it through the rough times. Money should not be everything, but when every day is a struggle to survive, it just can't be ignored. Simple problems can that can be solved by money aren't in many black families because of finances. For example, both parents working long days. They need extended hours daycare but can't afford it. Husband doesn't get out of work in time to pick the kid up, wife can't make it home on the train to pick the kid up, argument and blame ensues and the rift begins. All because of the inability to afford extended hours childcare.


What you said is bull. So, I guess black women should just have sex with white men huh? That would definitely solve the problem between "black men AND black women". Sisters on this board are trying to marry brothers. Sucking white cock aint the answer to everything. Did you read the article?

"In 1963 when Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave his "I Have a Dream" speech, more than 70 percent of all Black families were headed by married couples. In 2002 that number was 48 percent."

We were getting our ass kicked by the white man back in 63. We had less education and a lot less money. Would you agree with this? Yet.....we were married at a higher rate! Basically, what you just said is bull.

Finances don't have 1/2 as much to do with it as the changing roles of black families. Black Men and Women are getting more education and making more money. We are waiting longer to get married these days because of other pursuits. It's not like we are getting married at 16 and having 20 kids in order to have enough cotton pickers on our farm. Black people got sh*t to do these days. This whole bull about "the one who married a white man has a much higher household income and they've been happily married for nearly forty years" is bull. My grandmother was dirt poor with a 3rd grade education and she was married for over 40 yrs. Also, she had 14 kids so wtf?   

You know, I’ll put money on the fact that you are either dating a white man right now or you have in the past. I’ve heard people talk like you so many times. “I date white men because they don’t do this that and the other”…..Listen…..if you want to date white men for the rest of your life I say be my guest. Really…who gives a #@!*? However, don’t come in here trying to put these white boys over black men just because they make more money than us. You know what………money aint everything and it’s not going to keep you married. Money has nothing to do with staying married….look at Hollywood or just turn on ET or something. 


HBCU.EDU your post is illustrative of the root causes.. failing to engage in a civil dialogue is a big factor in divorces.

HTH

Go suck a black male private part!

HTH

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #16 on: May 29, 2005, 06:20:14 PM »
You know I don’t feel disrespected by you ladyday because u aren’t coming from a place of malicious intent…

Of course I talk to the young girl on the street about these issues…I’m involved with various organizations that are dedicated to helping build up young women.. and I have done motivational speaking for yrs now…  now I will say that I disagree with you about this being common sense.. you’d be surprised by how many women in our age group that are established to some degree who still settle for less than what they are worth as women .. what I have done in my previous post is state some of the things that women as a whole allow to happen (and how it’s not cool to do so)… if you demand more out of a man then you will receive more.. it is just that simple..

I don’t think that I’ve forsaken my sistas with my post at all quite honestly.. I’m not talking down to anyone… I’m just saying what we need to do (in my opinion ) as a whole…

The phrase you can tell the measure of a man by the woman standing beside him …couldn’t be more true..

I just believe that if we step up our game as women … the men will follow




No disrespect, but this sounds good and all, but you're really not saying anything. Or I should say, the things that you are saying are common sense amongst us sistas and brothas on this board. But do you talk to the young girl on the street and tell her these things? You're explaining one part of the problem- and with it sounding very unsupportive of your fellow sistas, but you're not explaining the solution. Yes a lot of black women do need to step it up, and yes a lot of black men need to step t up, but how and in what sense are you referring too? Of course our grandmothers and greatmothers and great-great grandmothers held it down, but that was also n a very different time and place, how do sistas in today's age do what you have put forth and balance that?

I will always be the #1 instigator on this bi-atch!  ;)

Ladyday

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Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #17 on: May 29, 2005, 06:20:29 PM »
I'ts not common sense to women. I don't know why you think that because black women date guys like this all the time.


Alright, but it's posted on a internet message board. How many of the sistas who need to be counseled and loved and supported by fellow sistas are on hear reading this? And I'm not saying that there isn't truth to what she's saying. But then, alright HBCU, if sistas were to really stop doing all the things that has been put forth, there's your increase in interracial dating. All I'm saying is that the problem is more complex than "sistas need to step it up". That's insulting to all the sistas out here doing just that.

Ladyday

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Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #18 on: May 29, 2005, 06:22:25 PM »
We do need to hear these things lady. Everybody on tihs board doesn't have common sense just because we are going to law school and are going to be "aight". I know girls that were in law school that dated stupid n-word with no education and no goals. For example....look at Ruskie. Sorry but it's true.

 

Common sense is uncommon...if more brothers/sisters thought what Reign was saying, there wouldn't be soo many articles on the state of the black family

I understand that. That's why I'm asking how many times *we* as the future leaders of the black community talk to the brothas and sistas who really need to hear what she's saying. For the most part, the majority of us are going to be alright, it's the sistas walking down the block with baby carriages at age 14 that truly need our help. I'm sure the majority of us on this board have heard these sage words before, either through our parents, other family members, friends, or mass e-mails.

Refer to what I've just posted, you just went off on a sista here who's husband is white. If sistas just give up on black men, then there's your increase in interracial dating.

As far as Ruskie's situation, she's not black, so she can't be included in this discussion.

HBCU.EDU

Re: State of Black Marriages....
« Reply #19 on: May 29, 2005, 06:23:35 PM »
I'ts not common sense to women. I don't know why you think that because black women date guys like this all the time.


Alright, but it's posted on a internet message board. How many of the sistas who need to be counseled and loved and supported by fellow sistas are on hear reading this? And I'm not saying that there isn't truth to what she's saying. But then, alright HBCU, if sistas were to really stop doing all the things that has been put forth, there's your increase in interracial dating. All I'm saying is that the problem is more complex than "sistas need to step it up". That's insulting to all the sistas out here doing just that.

blk said that if sistas step it up the men will follow. It's actually empowering to black women because black women are the leaders in our community. Black women are leaders and that is a fact. If you guys step it up we will "follow".