Law School Discussion

Relationships and Choosing a Law School...

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Re: Relationships and Choosing a Law School...
« Reply #10 on: May 20, 2005, 10:04:20 AM »
Thanks for the perspectives everyone.

Pearl, that's a good point about not having pressure both from school and on the homefront.  I could imagine how much living with someone during law school, but not really living with them, could strain a relationship.

You're right Professor.  If it's meant to be it will be.

I haven't made a decision, but this has definitely helped me think through some stuff.

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Re: Relationships and Choosing a Law School...
« Reply #11 on: May 20, 2005, 10:09:10 AM »
Thanks for the perspectives everyone.

Pearl, that's a good point about not having pressure both from school and on the homefront.  I could imagine how much living with someone during law school, but not really living with them, could strain a relationship.

You're right Professor.  If it's meant to be it will be.

I haven't made a decision, but this has definitely helped me think through some stuff.

I almost stayed on the east coast to be with the guy I had been dating for two years, but he was very supportive and insisted that I follow my dream and go to Boalt.  Although it is not really possible to have a relationship when you are on opposite coasts, we keep in touch, talk every day and visit each other as often as we can.  For all of his problems, I am eternally greatful for his selflessness when it came to my decision.  It is entirely possible that we will pick things back up when I go back to the east coast.

Re: Relationships and Choosing a Law School...
« Reply #12 on: May 20, 2005, 10:39:35 AM »
I agree with Pearl and the others. . . Have you actually asked your GF if she will move with you to your LS of choice? If not, give her the fair chance and actually ask her. I never thought my husband would up and move to Texas, so I was afraid to tell him I wanted to go and that I was even considering it. One day I sucked it up and talked to him about my top 5 choices. (Some that involved staying, some that involved moving.) It turns out that he was ready to pick up and move to wherever gave me the best opportunities and would be best for our future (meaning least debt, most flexibility in job after school, and would make me happy). On top of it, he's financially supporting me the whole way through. My point is, be sure to ask her and see what she says. If she can't move now, would she want to move in the future? On what terms?

Also, when people call the SO that won't move selfish because they won't go, it bothers me. I think it's just as selfish to expect someone to give up their life and move for you when there is nothing for them to gain. So it's law school. Yes, it's a big deal to you and everyone on this board, but isn't her career just as big a deal to her? Both of you are making career decisions for your life and it's rational for her not to want to leave a good job, esp. if it is a specialty job. So please, think of her too.

Finally, if she's working retail (or some other equally mobile, non-long term job) and she doesn't want to move and has no other outstanding circumstances, then she really is being selfish and it's okay to move on. But if she's founded her own company, is CEO, is on the rise, or is the lead soprano at the local opera (or something similar), then she's not selfish in wanting to stay and it may benefit you in the future and you two could be the next power couple. The difference between Boalt and UCLA will not keep you from making top money as a lawyer, but it may greatly affect HER earning potential.

Re: Relationships and Choosing a Law School...
« Reply #13 on: May 20, 2005, 11:29:09 AM »
how is it not possible to have a relationship with a person that's on an opposite coast  ???



  Although it is not really possible to have a relationship when you are on opposite coasts, we keep in touch, talk every day and visit each other as often as we can. 

Re: Relationships and Choosing a Law School...
« Reply #14 on: May 20, 2005, 11:38:15 AM »
Scurvy you've given some excellent advice here...  :)

I can attest to the fact that a long distance relationship can work through law school.. it is true that the dynamics will be different but if the two of you are in love you can definitely find ways to sustain the distance...

and as pearl said earlier.. sometimes it is better because it's easier for you to focus on your studies..though the "distraction" would be welcomed..it will be hard to balance the two..

there is nothing wrong with working on your goals individually and coming together in the end..

if she's willing to move with/for you then that's great.but for me personally it's hard to ask someone to do that if you aren't engaged or married..

that can definitely come off as selfish

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Re: Relationships and Choosing a Law School...
« Reply #15 on: May 20, 2005, 12:11:24 PM »
I wouldn't let a relationship (unless I was married/engaged) dictate my choice of law school...law school is stressful a lot of MARRIAGES cann't handle it, so imagine how it comes to relationships. If you guys break up and you didn't go to the school you wanted to go, you'll be mad. The distance isn't that great if you have a strong relationship, it can handle it if both sides are willing to put in the work.  Sometimes a long distance relationship is easier, because you can put in the hours at school without neglecting the homefire on a daily basis.

My husband and I will be living apart during law school (I in Michigan and he in California) because he's still studying, and the cost of his transferring to Michigan instead of continuing at a  UC will add 40k to the price.  This means the difference between us being 40k or 80k in debt for his studies (in addition to my 110-120k).  This is not chump change...

So we looked at it, and we realized that it would be better to spend the time apart.  We can't afford his being in Michigan, and life-wise, we can't afford me NOT being in Michigan (both of us would be wondering "what if" if I didn't go, seeing as the best school I got into in CA is ranked like 99 and Michigan is, well, Michigan...).

So it will be tough, yes, but from what I understand I'll be working and studying so hard that I almost wouldn't really be present (as Pearl has said), and if he's really working toward his studies as an Architect major, he should be spending all of this time building models and stuff...  So really, we'd be paying an extra 40k just to be able to kiss each other good night...

The plan: family plan cell phone with no roaming (check!), webcams for the both of us (check), and talk all we want for free, while we can still study.

See, we know this works because my husband's family lives in South America, so we got them a webcam, too, and we just leave the connection open for hours at a time via MSN messenger.  It's free, and you can do whatever it is you need to do without feeling pressured to talk (like when you're on the phone long distance), and you can still have conversations and talk about stuff when you feel like it... it's really very much like being there... Like they're in the other room or something, not like being a continent away.

Besides, LA and SF really aren't that far away in the scheme of things.  The fact that you can drive there and back in a weekend says a lot, and the fact that sometimes Southwest's fares are even LESS than the cost of driving says even more.  I say, pick the better school--the one that won't leave you wondering "what if"--and then buy yourself a webcam and/or a phone plan (or at least try to be "in" with your calling.)

If it's really meant to be, you'll do just fine.

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Re: Relationships and Choosing a Law School...
« Reply #16 on: May 20, 2005, 01:11:02 PM »
If your gut is telling you to go to the school that's far from your girlfriend, do it.  Otherwise you'll be wondering "what if" sometime down the road.  Sure it would be great to keep living together, but you won't have that much time to spend together anyway because you'll be in law school. 

Personally, I will still be living with my boyfriend during law school, and have mixed feelings about it.  It's nice I don't have to leave him, but law school will put a huge strain on the relationship.  Plus, I'm more likely to be distracted.  So go with your gut, and you and your girl can make it work.  It'll be a good chance to learn how you really feel about each other too (although distance is always hard).

Re: Relationships and Choosing a Law School...
« Reply #17 on: May 20, 2005, 01:23:58 PM »
Scurvy you've given some excellent advice here...  :)

if she's willing to move with/for you then that's great. but for me personally it's hard to ask someone to do that if you aren't engaged or married..

that can definitely come off as selfish

Thanks and I hear you there, Blk. I think that two people need to make the grand committment (whatever that is to them, not always marriage or engagement. . .) before one even begins considering giving up their life (as they know it) for the other. Just like I wouldn't buy a new, mor expensive car because I expect to get a raise; I wouldn't uproot myself just because I was in a nice relationship, I'd have to pretty darn sure.

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Re: Relationships and Choosing a Law School...
« Reply #18 on: May 20, 2005, 01:37:17 PM »
If you plan to stay in California, there's not a huge difference between Boalt and UCLA.  People who plan to work and live in LA often choose it over Boalt and even Stanford to get their networking started.  If you go outside the state of California, you are better off going to the more national school.

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Re: Relationships and Choosing a Law School...
« Reply #19 on: May 20, 2005, 02:03:55 PM »
long distance relationships suck! :-[ but, they can work.