Well it's something to do with the stats. To get stats, the server has to process the log files. The log files are huge and can't ever seem to be processed without crashing the server (which is a dual Xeon if anyone is wondering). I thought stats were finally just disabled, but it seems they were just set not to process for a long time (until today). So now they're trying to process and the site keeps crashing.
I expect the problems to be resolved in the next couple hours.