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Author Topic: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...  (Read 5574 times)

ScurvyWench

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #40 on: April 06, 2005, 12:44:35 AM »
I don't plan to have kids, but if that should accidentally happen, Mr. ScurvyWench will be a stay-at-home dad and be the primary care giver. I don't do nurturing--but he's great at it.

towanda03

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #41 on: April 06, 2005, 01:08:49 AM »
My siblings and I were raised by nannies, and we turned out fine. Would it have been nice if my parents had been to more of my ball games? Sure, I guess. But I'm happy with the way my life turned out, and I don't resent them or anything. If I decide to have kids, I will probably follow in my parents' footsteps. I seem to be in the minority here.  ;)

It's really nice to hear someone say this.  When I say "nanny" my stay-at-home-mom looks at me like I'm the anti-christ.  My upbringing was great, but I still think that it can work both ways.  Of course, this doesn't solve the problem of maternity leave.  :)

AubZamZam

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #42 on: April 06, 2005, 07:50:11 AM »
I've thought about this a lot too!  I will be 30 when I graduate law school.  Theoretically b/c of fertility and all that I'd like to have babies in my late 20's or around 30, but I really don't think I'd be ready by then anyway.  So I'm hoping to have my first kid around 33 and then I guess play it by ear for any subsequent ones.  I would like to take a full maternity leave (btw, most biglaw firms actually seem to have good maternity leave programs, I have checked them out) but I don't plan on staying home or working part time or anything.  I just don't see myself that way.  My SO is in a more creative/flexible field so although I don't think he'd stay home full time, he could be at home more than me, and that would be supplemented by the dreaded....nanny!  But who knows what'll happen once I actually have a kid.  I would also consider transitioning into a less-demanding (hourswise) type of law practice.  I'd rather not work part time if I can avoid it; I dread the "mommy track".

jacy85

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #43 on: April 06, 2005, 09:44:40 AM »
I haven't read the entire thread...It's only mildly interesting to me, as my SO and I have pretty much decided we don't want to have children (open for discussion later in life, I'm 23 and he's 26, but for now, it's a strong no from both of us).

I just wanted to add that you all need to do more research into different firms.  Many firms today are becoming what's described as "lifestyle" firms.  My firm doesn't have associates in the office 16 hours a day.  There are many, many women attorneys (both associates and partners) who take maternity leave.  There's a lot of options offered too.  There's the standard 3 month leave, but they also allow you to extend it up to 6 months.  Even after that, my firm will negotiate a decrease in hours.  An attorney I worked for took 6 months off, and then only worked in the office 3 days a week for the next 6 months.

While for many this isn't enough time to spend with a child, but for others, this means that much of the first year will be spent with mom, and then if you have a spouse that's all about staying at home, this seems (to me) like a good time to start.

So it's not ideal, especially for those who want to be hard core stay at home moms, but the options for firms and making partner are getting much more flexible depending on the firm.  If you know you want to take time off, and the firm you get your first job at doesn't allow you to, then you just need to work for a year or two, move on, and look for a firm that matches both your career and personal/family goals.

Good luck to all of you family planners.  It's almost a relief for me to have a SO that's not gung ho on the kids.  One less thing for me to have to plan.  I don't envy your positions, I can say that much!  :-\

desmo

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #44 on: April 06, 2005, 12:07:44 PM »
Sorry, I did not mean to equate 'nanny' and 'daycare'.  I think there's a difference.  Nanny to me says one on one attention (or near it) and a dedication to a specific family.  Daycare means big room, lots of kids, providers stressed to the limit.

My other comment is that women managers (in my experience) are much better to work for than men.  They understand the concept of family (among other things).

Monkey

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #45 on: April 06, 2005, 12:51:24 PM »
I'll be almost 36 when I finish LS - older than a lot of the posters so far.  I always figured I'd get married and have kids, but like most of my friends, here I am at almost-33, still happily single.  This issue has concerned me too, because I don't want to wake up at age 40 really wanting kids and having it be (at least biologically) potentially too late, not to mention more difficult career-wise.  But, I don't know for certain that that will happen, and I know I'm not ready for marriage and/or kids now.  I've basically decided that since the only thing I know for sure NOW is that I want to go to LS, I'm not going to pass that up in case I get married and/or want kids.  I may marry someone who himself works 80-hour weeks. I may marry someone who wants to be a stay-at-home dad.  I may never get married at all - and I may find that lifestyle satisfying, or may decide to have a child on my own at some point.  Who knows.  But things have a way of falling into place, and I know that if I want something badly enough, I'll adjust my priorities when that time comes to make it possible.  I've learned that overplanning can sometimes result in missed opportunities, so I guess I'm just trying not to overthink things, since there's still so much in my life that's to-be-determined.  I'm not sure how else I could possibly handle it at this point in my life!

(Just a side note, on the theme of "you never know": I'm 32 now, and my brother is 30.  My dad remarried 9 years ago, and now, at age 60, is the father of a beautiful, smart, hysterically funny 3-year-old girl!  He never thought he'd have more kids - but ended up wanting a baby so much that he and his wife went through the whole in-vitro process in order to have one.  [His wife was almost 40 when Hannah was born, and it was a super-smooth pregnancy - a fact that gives hope me and many of my other still-single friends my age!] :)  My dad is happier than he's ever been in his life - a true testament to the fact that there doesn't always have to be a schedule for things.  Sometimes just going with your gut and staying open to the possibilities can result in happiness from sources you never would've expected.)
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helendemilo

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #46 on: April 06, 2005, 01:15:47 PM »
I know the title was for people who want kids but, I've never been overly enthused by the whole idea.  It seems like they take a lot of work, cost a lot of money, and then just grow up to hate you.  I can do without that!

I do plan to get married.  My SO wants to have kids, but I don't.  I let him know, and I think he's okay with the idea.  I feel like if I'm in my 40's and I suddenly change my mind on the whole kid issue, I can always adopt one then.  I don't need to have a baby that looks like me. 

dbgirl

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #47 on: April 06, 2005, 01:18:24 PM »
Helen,

Kids are expensive and time consuming but they usually don't actually grow up to hate you.

That said ... I see no reason to try to persuade those who don't want kids to have them anyway.
When you have somebody dying because they are poor and black or poor and white or because of whatever they are ... that erases everything that's great about this country.

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beano

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #48 on: April 06, 2005, 01:36:09 PM »
I think I eventually want to have kids.  I'm 24 now, and have a serious boyfriend of many years who refuses to discuss the issue.   ::)

It seems like there are 2 gender inequalities here -- of course, there's society's expectation that the woman in a heterosexual relationship will be the primary caregiver of children.  But then there's also the biological inequality ... a man can have a biological child basically at any point between puberty and dirty-old-man-hood.  A man could have a full career and wait until after retirement to have kids if he wanted!  Women are at least restricted to between puberty and early 40's, and therefore more likely to worry and stress about career/parenthood issues.  Damn biological clock.  :-\

dbgirl

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #49 on: April 06, 2005, 01:40:33 PM »
There is no reason why a woman can't work and have children.
Also, there is no reason why a man cannot be the primary caregiver of the child. Even if the baby is nursed ... arrangements can be made.


When you have somebody dying because they are poor and black or poor and white or because of whatever they are ... that erases everything that's great about this country.

-TMcGraw

http://www.wm3.org/splash.php