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Author Topic: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...  (Read 5530 times)

zakrob

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #20 on: April 05, 2005, 11:17:13 AM »
I am glad to see this topic, because it has definitely been on my mind.
I'll be almost 31 when I graduate, and I'd really like to work for at least 2-3 years before having a baby, but I don't want to wait much longer than that.
My husband will be a nurse, which hopefully will allow more flexibility in terms of hours, and he has actually talked about working part time when we have kids which is totally fine by me.
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a123

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #21 on: April 05, 2005, 11:25:43 AM »
I'll be 31 when I graduate. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for the last year now. I'm not going to stop trying during LS. I'll just let things happen and hope for the best. I do have fears though that I'll end up with a due date in the middle of exams!

sejul

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #22 on: April 05, 2005, 11:30:14 AM »
I am glad this came up as well. I've thought a lot about how kids are going to fit into the big picture--and at this point I have no answer.  Lately I've been wondering if I'm going to be able to do both, because as we will soon find out, firm life is not an average job.  I am not married yet, so this isn't a decision that has to be made today, but more and more, I worry that I'm going to be $150k in debt, and regardless of how much I want to have a child, I'm not going to be able to justify quitting work (even for a short period), given the enormous financial burden of law school. 

towanda03

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #23 on: April 05, 2005, 11:34:44 AM »
I'll be 27 when I finish, with a hefty, hefty law school bill.  My SO will also be 27 when he finishes med school.  I know that I want kids, and was relieved to see this thread.  BUT, I don't want them raised entirely by a nanny, and I don't want to be the sole caregiver while my SO is in his residency.  So, it looks like mid-30's for me.  Hope we can afford fertility treatments.  :)

Boston24

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #24 on: April 05, 2005, 11:39:47 AM »
I stress about this, too.  I will be 28 when I graduate.  I want to do big law for a bit, then I don't know.  3 years of Biglaw will leave me at age 31.  I guess have a few babies through my 30s while working part time?  How amenable are firms to part time female lawyers - I feel like not very.  Probably I will never make partner anywhere, but that's the price I have to pay, because I do want to be an involved mother and never miss a sports game, etc.  It's confusing. 

Whoa - I just counted and I will actually be 27 when I graduate.  I don't know where I got 28.  Whew, that takes some pressure off of my personal timeframe...
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JoAnna

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #25 on: April 05, 2005, 12:01:05 PM »
How amenable are firms to part time female lawyers - I feel like not very.  Probably I will never make partner anywhere, but that's the price I have to pay, because I do want to be an involved mother and never miss a sports game, etc.  

This, to me, is one of the most important issues we have to address as women. How important is making partner? How important is family? I worked for a very intense sales organization for ten years, and I witnessed an array of different attitudes toward work and family among the top-ranking women there. The women who were brave enough to have kids either a) were absebtee moms with VP titles and high salaries, or b) had a much lower title, and had a lot of flexibility with their schedule (I was married with no kids so I got a VP title and a high salary). I assume that the choices will be similar for us as attorneys.

I believe that we can truly create the life we want, but you kind of have to know what you want. Having been in the working world for more than a decade, I've done the whole climb-the-corporate-ladder thing, so I don't have that need to do it again. To me, I'll be happy making $50k per year as long as I can have a life - I'm not in this thing for the cash nor the prestige; I just want to be a darn-good lawyer, and when I have kids, a darn-good mom. But as Boston24 said, that means sacraficing partnership (that is, until I start my own firm in my mid-40s!) I'm one with that scenario. I'm sure my focus would have been a lot different had I gone to law school right out of college.

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Oneof2

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #26 on: April 05, 2005, 12:54:22 PM »
I like this thread.  Like many others on this board I had been thinking about how babies will fit into my life plan. I'll be 27 when I graduate law school.  I want to be married without children for a couple years and I want to have my kids before I'm 30. For those of you who may not know...having children before 30 can seriously reduce your risk of breast cancer.  I am already at hish risk so I feel that starting early is essential. 

Anyway, my plan for now is to get engaged sometime after after 1L and then get married soon after that.  Once I graduate I will work for a couple years and then start my family.  I have no clue what I'll do once I actually have kids.  I would like to stay home but I would also like to be able to work.  In my probably naive mind I think that I will be able to do both.  Maybe I could continue to work fulltime but work from home part of the time or something...




HippieLawChick

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #27 on: April 05, 2005, 01:13:30 PM »
Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans...

The one thing I have learned is that life is more difficult to plan out than you might think and that planning your life rarely brings happiness.

I will be 36 when I am done with law school.  I don't want to have to deal with an infant/young child during law school because they require a TON of attention.  (You can't expect your 1 year old to play quietly when you need to study). My sister managed to finish a nursing degree after she had my nephew, but it was VERY difficult and she doesn't recommend it. 

I also don't see myself putting my law career on hold for another year after law school.  If I work for a year or two after, I will be 38-39....I consider having a child at that age to be fairly risky (birth defects).  I have always thought I would adopt a child and I assume that's what's going to end up happening, but my SO wants at least one "natural" child.  (Maybe if men can get pregnant that will happen) ;D

but then again, you never know what life will throw at you.

desmo

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #28 on: April 05, 2005, 01:23:00 PM »
We had our kids first, then she went back, then I'm going back to school.  Yes I would have liked to done the law school thing 5 or 10 years ago, but I would not trade having the wife stay home FT with the kids for the first years (until they hit school FT).  I don't care what people say - you can notice the difference in kids who spend all their time in daycare versus those who were raised by a parent.  I agree with some of the other posters, there is no right time, both of you will never feel ready enough, and yes you will be in over your heads with the first one.

djladyjo

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Re: To Ladies who (eventually) want to have babies...
« Reply #29 on: April 05, 2005, 04:44:35 PM »
Yay!! Liek has been said a million times already.. i thought I was the only one that had recently made choices due to future possible kiddies..

I was lall into going to Big Law.. kicking ass.. working my ass off.. making partner.. and then about a month ago, i realized (out of nowhere) that there is NO way I was gonna do that if I was going to have kids (i'll be 29 when i graduate).. It really came as a shock..

So i've researched jobs.. some government jobs seem to pay reasonably well and of course have the best benefits.. then after osme experience, if you know the right people and live in the right area, you can start your own law firm.. its funny in the last month or so its all i thought about..

i wish i woulda done this sooner... actually not really.. at the orientations I've been too.. most kids right outta college seem to have these naive ideas about the real world.. I remember thinking that I was the same way when I graduated college.. but now that i've worked for four years.. i see how cruel and unjust working for companies can be.. i came in all nice and sweet, and now i'm one of the toughest managers here.. ya gotta be to not be taken advantage of.. so knowing that, i'm going into law school with a completely different mentality..

anyhow, i digress.. yeah.. kids.. want them.. so no more big corporate law dreams for me..(which may actually be good..or any of that nice and sweet of me that I may have left will completely dissappear)