croquetdc: "even the kid with the babylon five t-shirt got a hand job" and who can forget the "they say she's retarded but those titties ain't retarded..."
I hope that you're female, because I think I love you.
Another of my personal favorites is "If I had a parrot, I wouldn't just teach it dirty words or people's names. I'd treat it more like my palm pilot, I'd teach it recipes or phone numbers. Better
yet, I'd treat it more like my personal alarm system. BWAAAKKK!!! (the sound of a parrot squawking) There's an earthquake, get under the door. Or BWAAAKKKK!!! No one has freckles on their ass, use a condom. BWAAAKKKK!!!! She's a he! She's a he!!!!"
I also enjoy....
"You know what the most abused drug is in America...Aspirin. Why? Cause it works. It takes away the arthiritis or the headache from the hangover. But there is one thing thing asprin won't do...Asprin will not bring the hooker back to life...so stop tyring. BWAAKKKK!!! Roll her up in the carpet. Thanks parrot, here's a grape.