Law School Discussion

"Waitlist" - status of significant other

"Waitlist" - status of significant other
« on: March 31, 2005, 02:27:11 PM »
Anyone else dealing with a situation where they will probably be leaving a significant other behind to attend school? I have applied to all the schools that are close enough to commute to but I have not heard anything back regarding status of my application.

Is it worth trying to maintain long distance relationship while dealing with all of the stress of school - or - is it better to "waitlist" them until you have had a chance to review the entire pool of other applicants. Just kidding (in case she is reading) - she claims that she supports me 100% and if I have to move for school - then I have to move for school and we will deal with it. She has an elected position as County Clerk so I would never ask her to move.

Not looking for flame - just honest dialogue.

Re: "Waitlist" - status of significant other
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2005, 02:30:15 PM »
In the same crappy boat over here...

Re: "Waitlist" - status of significant other
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2005, 02:45:29 PM »
Funny.. I'm from Miami and asked my SO to look for jobs in the cities where I was applyign to (NYC and DC).. so he started looking for jobs, and is in the middle of interviews with them..

I on the other hand, have decided to probably stay home .. so now after pushing to move.. I may stay here and there is a slight possibility he may go..

sucks.. but we agreed that our careers come first and that we'll find some way to work things out between us...that we shouldnt make decisions we may possibly regret later.. so we're very supportive of each other..  if not, c'est la vie..

BLAH!!

manserunt

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Re: "Waitlist" - status of significant other
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2005, 03:03:31 PM »
trying to get my boyfriend to move with me to NYC.  it sucks, because he definitely wants to be in New York, and he definitely wants to be with me, but the timing may be off for him career-wise.

underwhelm

Re: "Waitlist" - status of significant other
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2005, 03:05:32 PM »
My girlfriend also managed to find a job in one of my cities, but I might stay put to go to school.

Whoops!

Re: "Waitlist" - status of significant other
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2005, 03:19:23 PM »
My boyfriend has been planning to move with me as well. As of tonight, he will be coming over to look for jobs in Ithaca to see what he could do. He works for Mercedes though and there is only one mercedes dealership that is over an hour away from there, so if he cannot get a job there, then it would be an obstacle.

Personally, I could not see me breaking up with him- especially when nothing is wrong just because of distance. I understand that if it was too far and we saw eachother too seldom, then things could change and get hairy later on, but I would need to let them get to that point before I took action and not in anticipation of something that may never come to pass. That being said, if he cannot get a job and come with me, he will either attempt to get somewhat closer, or else stay where we currently are (around Philly area) and make the drive up on weekends to spend time with me (about 4 hours away). I do think it would be worth it to see him on the weekends only, especially if the alternative is seeing him never, but that is just me.

I think what the decision comes down to is how attached and committed you are to eachother rather than how much you love eachother. In my case, we call eachother like 2-3 times throughout the day and are the kinda people who after 2 years still hold hands the whole time we are driving in the car together, so it would be hard to imagine not calling him and having him share in the future. I know I could do it if I had to, but I dont want to... Where are you looking at for school? And based on your own personal inclinations, what would you think would be the best path for you both to pursue?

manserunt

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Re: "Waitlist" - status of significant other
« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2005, 03:39:32 PM »
I know what you mean.  It'd be very strange for us if he didn't come because we're the kind of couple that, after a year, still can't go longer than a couple of days without seeing each other.  If we were suddenly on opposite sides of the country (me in NYC, him in LA) without much money or time to visit each other, I think that would be a really terrible scenario.  Because I agree with you - I don't want to end things just because I'm going to law school - everything else is great.  But, he'd have to move for things to really work, so I have all fingers and toes crossed at this point.

Re: "Waitlist" - status of significant other
« Reply #7 on: March 31, 2005, 03:48:52 PM »
I know what you mean. It'd be very strange for us if he didn't come because we're the kind of couple that, after a year, still can't go longer than a couple of days without seeing each other. If we were suddenly on opposite sides of the country (me in NYC, him in LA) without much money or time to visit each other, I think that would be a really terrible scenario. Because I agree with you - I don't want to end things just because I'm going to law school - everything else is great. But, he'd have to move for things to really work, so I have all fingers and toes crossed at this point.



When do you think your boyfriend would be ready to move career-wise? If he thinks it might just take several more months to a year, then I do really think that you could still make things "really work". I did study abroad and that was hell for the both of us. Being apart wasn't necessarily the end of the world, but the thing that sucks sooo much when it is super-long distance, is that when things get bad and you do need to see eachother if only for a day or so to get things back on track, you cant. There was no way he coulda flown to australia to see me (it was like 40 hours travel time one way and several thousand dollars!), so that makes it harder than say, if i had even gone to london where I know he woulda flown out and spent the weekend with me despite how far it may seem to some. I think as long as there is a "light at the end of the tunnel" in that you know that soon you will be back together, you can get through it, but if it was seemingly unending (like im in ny 3 years and then i may have to work in ny and you may have to stay in la and theres never any indication that your paths are going to intersect), then i agree with you that there would really have to be the effort to make sure he moves with you in order to make sure things work. Are you looking at NYU? What does your boyfriend do? I really hope things work out for you...Your case is definately tougher than mine being across the country rather than a couple hour drive away, so i hope you guys pull through  :)

manserunt

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Re: "Waitlist" - status of significant other
« Reply #8 on: March 31, 2005, 04:05:26 PM »
I will probably be at Fordham.  The thing is, his career is struggling right now.  He moved to LA to write (like everyone else) and since that's the only thing he really wants to do, he doesn't really want to leave until he finds representation of some sort.  That could be tomorrow, two years from now, or never.  So even though he's not doing a lot (temping at studios and such) he is reluctant to leave without something concrete to show for his years in LA.  And I see his situation and want him to do what's best for him, but deep down he wants to be in New York.  His parents are from NY and now live in CT.  He has uncles, aunts and grandmas there, and has always wanted to live in New York.  I know his goal is to be living in New York within the next year or so, but it all depends on whether or not he'll feel ready to go when I do.

I hate the long distance thing, but since he does sincerely want to be there eventually, I might be inclined to make it work.  I just don't really want to put myself through that since it doesn't really seem quite necessary, you know?  But, it's his career and I want to be supportive...

SillyMia

Re: "Waitlist" - status of significant other
« Reply #9 on: March 31, 2005, 06:57:06 PM »
Anyone else dealing with a situation where they will probably be leaving a significant other behind to attend school? I have applied to all the schools that are close enough to commute to but I have not heard anything back regarding status of my application.

Is it worth trying to maintain long distance relationship while dealing with all of the stress of school - or - is it better to "waitlist" them until you have had a chance to review the entire pool of other applicants. Just kidding (in case she is reading) - she claims that she supports me 100% and if I have to move for school - then I have to move for school and we will deal with it. She has an elected position as County Clerk so I would never ask her to move.

Not looking for flame - just honest dialogue.

RJ:

Maybe taking a break unofficially will be good for you the first year.  During that year, you will be swamped and studying all the time.  The trick is if you trust her enough not to feel like you have to know where she is all the time (and vice versa).  Do you think if you leave that you guys can pull of talking to each other briefly instead of every waking moment?

If so, then after a year, one of you will want to be closer and will look for a way to work it out.  Maybe she'll decide she really hates her job or you'll decide x school is not for you and will try transferring a little closer.

I love my SO, but we do have a deal.  I leave if I have to in August.  He has to stay for work reasons one more year.  I'll try to defer but no guarantees.  In one year, he'll come too.

We're comfortable with this because I know that it will work out either way.  Although I know I'll miss him, I don't have any problems with being alone and getting my stuff done.  Are you two strong enough to handle that?