Reading through your post, I would've flamed you too. Don't try to beat them at their own game. If you want real advice at XO, just cut your post down to 20 words or less, such as:
"all of you biglaw associates seem so miserable. Why? Inquiring 0Ls want to know."
Don't try to sound pretentious. I am sure I'll lose a few reputation points for this, but XO can give useful and meaningul advice. Just ask simple questions and don't mess with the trolls. If you don't give them fodder by insulting them back, they tend to get bored and leave you alone.
By the way: words never to use in a post: essentially, ominous, increasingly apparent, judging by ominous statistics"- you'll learn this in your first legal writing class, but try not to use big vocabulary words when small ones will get the point across much more quickly.
Sorry if I sound mean, but you've probably learned a pretty valuable lesson on xo
And no, not all lawyers are miserable. Some even like what they do for a living. Alcohol and drugs aren't ominous statistics, they're fun!