Cover letters - Is it OK to write them in the third person?

[Alamo79]

Here's what I've got so far:

"Yo yo,

Alamo wants you to know that he’s going to be a star, flyin' high in the realm of the legal eagles.  Alamo has been checkin' out your phatty firm, and Alamo likes what he sees.  Alamo wants to give you first shot at his supreme services.  Alamo likes your town, cuz Alamo thinks it would be a chill place to work some memo-rific magic.  As you can see from his righteous resume, Alamo has nothing but the first-class finest education and experiences, so you know Alamo is gonna have all the big firms fightin' over who gets him on their A-team.  You get back with Alamo first, it just might be you.  Hit Alamo up on his beeper and he'll make it happen for ya."

Obviously I'm not done yet, but what do you think?  It's got potential, right - it'll separate me from the crowd of nameless, faceless automatons?  Do I exude a healthy balance of high self-esteem and confidence in my abilities?

[dsnutter]

Wow, can you write me one too?

[RenaldoBalkman]

You'll get in everywhere you apply!

[johns259]

I would slip a couple F-bombs in there just for good measure. Just to make sure they give you the callback right up front.

[Jumboshrimps]

The font is completely inappropriate.

[longislandlawschool]

Instead of writing "chill place," I would write "sexy firm."  Perhaps this is personal opinion.

[Dr. Balsenschaft]

I would throw "bustin a nut" somewhere in there too.