It's impossible to not offend anyone? Gimme a break. Or do you mean it's impossible for you to not offend anyone? I don't mean that as an accusation -- I'm asking seriously because your statement was ambiguous.
And you don't even try? Well, why all the disclaimers when you told the joke then? And why get defensive when people suggest that you may have been insensitive and perhaps even offensive, if you don't even try (which implies you don't care)?
And "diatribe"? Holy crap. Friend, I tried to apologize for any abrasiveness on my part. I keep trying to assure you that I'm not offended. Why do you keep trying to offend me?
Don't you know that I love you? Can't we all just get along? Why do you have to hurt me so?
It is very clear what I meant, well, at least to 99.99999999999999999999999999
999999999999999999999999999% of the readers out there. For someone so talented with words and language, you sure miss the forest for the trees. So, let me break it down for you:
1. There is a bleeding heart for every cause/group of people/ideology/etc; to never offend anyone AND try to be funny on a regular basis is nearly impossible. Hell, to try and live your life and not offend some group is practically impossible. I grew up hunting and eating meat which means my lifestyle is somewhat offensive to animal rights groups and vegans. Currently I design Navy ships which are ultimately tasked with making people and things stop existing and I am sure that offends some people too. Do I care? Not a bit. Do I plan to stop eating meat, stop hunting, or stop knowing how to design a better navy ship? Not a chance - thus my: "I don't even try statement." I could go on and on with examples, but perhaps this time you get the point.
2. Why did I make the disclaimer? Well, for one because I had hoped it may keep you from crying about it (note: I am being figurative, not literal, I know the difference, please don't explain to me that you didn't in fact have salty emissions from glands in your eyes), but I was unsuccessful. Also, because I don't really harbor any ill-will towards any sort of mentally, physically, or otherwise handicapped group (turns out my mother was a special ed teacher so your resume doesn't impress me). The statement fit the situation and it was true for me to say that I hadn't made it up; that would be plaigarism and coming from your background, I would gather that may offend you.
3. Since you like to nit-pick on words, it was not "people" who suggested I was being insensitive and offensive, it was a person, namely: you. Stop being inaccurate.
4. I can be insensitive and offensive; it's not something to brag about, but it's me. I'm over it.
5. Diatribe was the correct word to use. www.dictionary.com
6. I am not trying to offend you, nor am I offended (I am insensitive remember). I am, however, trying to share with you my lack of taste for self-righteous internet pontification.