What's The Difference

[or honor]

A crazed lawyer who had just lost his case walks into a watch and clock store, unzips his trousers and slaps his cock on the counter. The woman behind the counter doesn't bat an eyelid. She looks him straight in the eye and says "Put that away Sir, this is a clock shop - not a cock shop!" "Well," replies the lawyer, "Why don't you put two hands and a face on it?"

[sowle]

An attorney was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking through the streets, a car was involved in an accident. As expected a large crowd gathered. Going by instinct, the attorney was eager to get to the injured, but he couldn't get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

[linkin]

A crazed lawyer who had just lost his case walks into a watch and clock store, unzips his trousers and slaps his cock on the counter. The woman behind the counter doesn't bat an eyelid. She looks him straight in the eye and says "Put that away Sir, this is a clock shop - not a cock shop!" "Well," replies the lawyer, "Why don't you put two hands and a face on it?"

So f-ing funny!

[cuntcap]

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer are in a train.

The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka in the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukraine. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying that, he opened the window and throws the rest of the bottle through it. All the others were quite impressed.

The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars in the world, nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigars and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack of Havanas through the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed.

At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the lawyer through it.

[Jack Leatherman]

- What happens to a marine when he starts to believe his own B.S.?
- He becomes a lawyer.

[rosebud]

- What happens to a lawyer when he starts to believe his own B.S.?
- He becomes a jackass.

[currency]

A beautiful young woman got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a lawyer already inside who greeted her by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only).

She smiled at him and replied, "@-#-$-%" (letters only)."

He looked at her, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.

She acknowledged his remark again by answering, "@-#-$-%."

The lawyer was trying to be friendly, so he smiled his biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.

The woman smiled back to him and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "@-#-$-%."

The lawyer finally decided to explain things, and this time he said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"

The woman answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

HAHAHA! The best one hands down!

[Verrocchio]

A lawyer and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the lawyer realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am."

The next morning the lawyer woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said ... "It is 5:00am -- wake up."

[Carmelita]

A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him.

One summer he invited a lawyer from Czechoslovakia to visit him. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spent a great deal of time exploring the woods and enjoying the natural setting.

One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were walking through the woods, they were approached by two huge bears -- a male and a female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.

Seeing this, the lawyer ran to his Mercedes and sped for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed a high-powered rifle and they raced back to the berry patch. Luckily, the bears were still there.

"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing at the bear that had consumed his friend. "Quick -- shoot it. Maybe we can still save my friend!"

The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female. His aim was true, and the female bear collapsed to the ground. The startled mail fled into the woods.

"Why did you do that?" demanded the lawyer, "I said he was in the other bear!"

"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?"

[ItalIa]

A lawyer and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the lawyer realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am."

The next morning the lawyer woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said ... "It is 5:00am -- wake up."

A perfect example of "responding in kind," I guess!