A crazed lawyer who had just lost his case walks into a watch and clock store, unzips his trousers and slaps his cock on the counter. The woman behind the counter doesn't bat an eyelid. She looks him straight in the eye and says "Put that away Sir, this is a clock shop - not a cock shop!" "Well," replies the lawyer, "Why don't you put two hands and a face on it?"
A beautiful young woman got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a lawyer already inside who greeted her by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only). She smiled at him and replied, "@-#-$-%" (letters only)." He looked at her, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again. She acknowledged his remark again by answering, "@-#-$-%." The lawyer was trying to be friendly, so he smiled his biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time. The woman smiled back to him and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "@-#-$-%." The lawyer finally decided to explain things, and this time he said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?" The woman answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
A lawyer and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the lawyer realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am." The next morning the lawyer woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said ... "It is 5:00am -- wake up."