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Author Topic: What's The Difference  (Read 7224 times)

K9

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Re: What's The Difference
« Reply #10 on: June 01, 2006, 09:45:58 PM »
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. A lawyer sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but his attention is galvanized when he hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lawyer indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our s e x lives in public."

"Hey, coola down atty" said the man. "Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

tempfiles

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Re: What's The Difference
« Reply #11 on: June 01, 2006, 10:16:24 PM »
A woman told her physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure that it was a good idea.
The doctor asked: "Do you enjoy it?"
She said that she loves it.
He asked: "Does it hurt?"
She said that it feels wonderful.
The doctor then told her: "Well, then there's no reason that you shouldn't have anal sex, just take care not to get pregnant."
The surprised woman asked: "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"
The doctor replied: "Sure. Where do you think lawyers come from."

man

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Re: What's The Difference
« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2006, 07:09:17 AM »
A group of Arab terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. More than a hundred attorneys were taken as hostages.

The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one attorney every hour.

yl

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Re: What's The Difference
« Reply #13 on: June 04, 2006, 10:15:18 PM »
After years of hard work, Angie took her first vacation on a luxury cruise ship. While sitting in a deck chair, she recognized a former high school classmate, a long-lost friend from her old hometown.

She crossed the deck and shook hands with her friend and said: "Hello, Angela. I haven't seen you in years. What are you doing these days?"

"I'm practicing law," whispered Angela. "But don't tell my mother. She still thinks I'm a prostitute."

yantra

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Re: What's The Difference
« Reply #14 on: June 05, 2006, 07:26:56 AM »
When one of the columnists of a newspaper made a very bad joke concerning the lawyer who was shot by a disgruntled client the lawyers hit their typewriters and sent letters to the editor quicker than you could say "billable hour."

And they had a point.

The joke was about a real lawyer who was almost shot because the obviously troubled man did not like something he had done in a court case.

We've all heard the jokes. What's the difference between a snake smushed in the middle of the road and a lawyer in the middle of road? The snake has skid marks in front of it. Sounds funny when you and your buddies are sitting in a bar. But, is it really funny?

It depends.

After listening to the response from the legal community, I formed a new opinion about lawyer jokes in general. My lawyer acquaintances, almost unanimously, said the same thing. "It's one thing to make jokes in a bar, it's another thing entirely when the joke is about real people." I used to think like that, too. Now, after thinking about it and studying the video of the deranged man shooting the lawyer from the other side of a tree, I think joking about killing people is just wrong under any circumstances.

Call it political correctness if you will, but using humor to demean a whole class of people leads to an erosion of respect for them. Every time a lawyer tells one of those jokes they aid in that erosion. It doesn't matter if you are telling a blonde joke or a Polish joke, you are sending a message that the people you are joking about people who deserve to be demeaned in some way. Jokes lead to hate. It's as simple as that.
AMERICANS HAVE THE MONEY, THE BOMBS, THE SEX APPEAL. IT'S LIKE THE "VIP" GUY IN THE CLUB, YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO BE HIM, BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE'S A SOULLESS a-hole, BUT YOU WOULDN'T MIND RIDING AROUND IN HIS LIMO EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, REAPING THE BENEFITS OF HIS FRIENDSHIP. THIS IS HUMAN NATURE.

amber

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Re: What's The Difference
« Reply #15 on: June 05, 2006, 07:32:51 AM »

Call it political correctness if you will, but using humor to demean a whole class of people leads to an erosion of respect for them. Every time a lawyer tells one of those jokes they aid in that erosion. It doesn't matter if you are telling a blonde joke or a Polish joke, you are sending a message that the people you are joking about people who deserve to be demeaned in some way. Jokes lead to hate. It's as simple as that.


Hey, don't take these jokes all too seriously! My mother, e.g., married a lawyer, and thank God, she can take a joke!

notabiggie

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Re: What's The Difference
« Reply #16 on: June 05, 2006, 07:40:06 AM »
An attorney noticed a boy kneeling in the dirt playing with a pile of * & ^ %. The lawyer asked, "What are you doing there?" The boy replied, "Makin' people." "So who's that?" asked the lawyer, pointing to a pile. "That's a banker," came the reply. "Can you make a lawyer?" the attorney asked. The boy shot back, "Nope, not enough * & ^ %."

versus

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Re: What's The Difference
« Reply #17 on: June 06, 2006, 08:00:36 AM »
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. 'Tim, you be first,' she said. 'What does your mother do all day?' Tim stood up and proudly said, 'She's a doctor.'
'That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?' Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, 'My father is a mailman.'

'Thank you, Amie,' said the teacher. 'What about your father, Billy?'

Billy proudly stood up and announced, 'My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.'

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Billy's father said, 'I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven- year-old?'

daphne

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Re: What's The Difference
« Reply #18 on: June 07, 2006, 12:48:33 PM »
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

mellanie

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Re: What's The Difference
« Reply #19 on: June 08, 2006, 11:06:34 PM »
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do Godís work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.