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Author Topic: Chuck Norris!  (Read 3302 times)

majorporcupine

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #20 on: March 12, 2006, 06:12:03 PM »
I  kicked Chuck Norris's ass.

HandsBurdenTest

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #21 on: March 12, 2006, 07:22:52 PM »
Chuck Norris had sex with Christie Brinkley.

Highway

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #22 on: March 12, 2006, 09:48:11 PM »
kicked Chuck Norris's ass.

Obviously a typo...learn to spell "kissed."

brewha

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #23 on: March 12, 2006, 09:54:12 PM »
kicked Chuck Norris's ass.

Obviously a typo...learn to spell "kissed."

LOL

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
pudding is delightful

forma pauperis

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #24 on: March 13, 2006, 12:03:15 AM »
Chuck Norris uses a live rattlesnake for a condom.

burghblast

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #25 on: March 13, 2006, 01:33:59 AM »
This following is a true story.

When I was 16 I worked at Taco Bell in McKinney, TX, a suburb about 40 minutes north of Dallas.  One day the phone rang and when I picked it up:

"Hi, this is Chuck Norris.  We're filming Walker Texas Ranger nearby and I need to order 500 tacos for my crew."

It was really him.  So we spent the next 2 hours frantically whipping out 500 tacos.  It was my job to supervise the production, count the tacos, and keep them stored in heat cabinets until the producer arrived to pick them up.  The producer came and I supervised the loading of dozens and dozens of boxes of tacos into his SUV.  About two minutes after he pulled out of the parking lot I opened another heat cabinet and realized we had forgotten to give him 100 tacos.  Knowing that we surely faced imminent death if Chuck Norris found out about my costly mistake, my friend Luis loaded the tacos into his car and drove to some spot near McKinney where a friend of a friend had told him they filmed the show.  He found the place and delivered the tacos before Chuck Norris even knew what had happened, and we're all still alive today.  I thought I had gotten away with my mistake, but then one morning the next week....

I looked down in the shower and saw a huge tatoo of Chuck Norris' glaring face taking up my entire chest.  The tatoo was captioned: "I know what you did and I'll be watching you."  My mom took me to the hospital to have the tatoo remvoed by laser surgery, but when the laser hit the tatoo the beam melted along with the entire machine.  I still have the tatoo to this day.

P.S. The first part of this story is actually true.  Chuck sounds like a really nice guy on the phone.

brewha

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #26 on: April 01, 2006, 11:48:33 AM »
There is a 100% chance that Chuck Norris is your father.
pudding is delightful

LoverOfWomen

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #27 on: April 01, 2006, 01:23:13 PM »
Chuck Norris killed Bruce Lee.  :o

And then did a ONE-finger push-up in mockery.

brewha

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #28 on: April 01, 2006, 01:56:53 PM »
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
pudding is delightful

catamount27

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #29 on: April 01, 2006, 02:03:58 PM »
Chuch Norris was appointed to the Supreme Court. He then roundhouse-kicked the other 8 members to death.  Then roundhouse-kicked HIMSELF to death when he desented from his own opinion.