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Author Topic: Chuck Norris!  (Read 3301 times)

majorporcupine

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #10 on: March 07, 2006, 10:15:46 PM »
He counted to infinity-twice :o

This is within mortal power, considering that some sets are countably infinite. 

I want Chuck Norris to marry the Overstock.Com Lady.  Their kid would be awesome and worshipped the world over.

brewha

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #11 on: March 08, 2006, 06:27:37 AM »
Last November, Chuck Norris showed up to vote. Upon learning that his name was not on the ballot, Chuck became enraged. An elderly woman standing nearby informed Chuck that he could not vote for someone who was not on the ballot. Chuck replied "Well, it seems you just cast your vote for a roundhouse kick." Chuck roundhoused the woman, killing her instantly. No one tells Chuck how to vote
pudding is delightful

MrSmittie

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #12 on: March 08, 2006, 07:33:43 AM »
This summer I shall apply for a transfer to Harvard Law School.  In the correspondence, I shall include only a blank application along with a picture of Chuck Norris entitled "Do you know who my father is?"  According to my calculations, I will receive a prompt acceptance along with a full scholarship.

I actually tried this last year. WARNING: IT DID NOT WORK! I receieved a somewhat intimidating telephone call from ttheir admissions rep. He said,"Listen, I"ve met Chuck Norris. I know Chuck Norris, he's a friend of mine. You sir, are NO Chuck Norris!" I wet my pants and hung up the phone without another word.
1L Boyd Law - UNLV
I'm so old - I went to preschool with God.

brewha

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #13 on: March 08, 2006, 08:01:10 AM »
This summer I shall apply for a transfer to Harvard Law School.  In the correspondence, I shall include only a blank application along with a picture of Chuck Norris entitled "Do you know who my father is?"  According to my calculations, I will receive a prompt acceptance along with a full scholarship.

I actually tried this last year. WARNING: IT DID NOT WORK! I receieved a somewhat intimidating telephone call from ttheir admissions rep. He said,"Listen, I"ve met Chuck Norris. I know Chuck Norris, he's a friend of mine. You sir, are NO Chuck Norris!" I wet my pants and hung up the phone without another word.

You better thank the good lord that the ad comm didnt tell Chuck Norris about that little fraud... a roundhouse to the face would have been in your future.
pudding is delightful

wardwilliams

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #14 on: March 08, 2006, 12:57:05 PM »
When Chuck Norris has to pay taxes, he simply sends in the blank forms along with a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack...Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever

burghblast

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #15 on: March 08, 2006, 01:33:46 PM »
Chuck Norris uses Viagra eye drops so he can look hard.

brewha

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #16 on: March 08, 2006, 08:43:18 PM »
Common relief for a hang over is to have another drink. Too bad the same logic can't be applied to a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. That would be certain death.
pudding is delightful

bulletproof

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #17 on: March 10, 2006, 09:19:35 AM »
Chuck Norris can't swim.

But water's too scared to do anything about it.

Brower

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #18 on: March 10, 2006, 03:40:51 PM »
What's the difference between Chuck Norris and Jesus?

It took Jesus days to resurrect from the dead.

brewha

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Re: Chuck Norris!
« Reply #19 on: March 11, 2006, 12:51:59 AM »
When a Jehovah's witness shows up at Chuck Norris' door they leave with three things: a DVD copy of Delta Force, a deep, religious devotion to their one new God in Chuck Norris, and freshly soiled pants.
pudding is delightful