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Author Topic: Relationship w/ girlfirend, fiance, or wife possible during law school?  (Read 3127 times)

SheasWay22

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I wondered if anybody here has experience or knowledge otherwise into the practicality of having a serious reltationship (Serious girlfriend / fiance / wife) during law school. This person would live in the same city as the school and I are located, but I wonder how realistic it will be to give her adequete time and attention. Afterall, anybody with experience knows, relationships are a lot of work (and she doesent deserve to be treated poorly).

  So does anybody know whether this is a completely absurd idea, or if it is entirely possible? I will be a 1L in the coming term and am especially interested in how the 1L experience will pair with a serious relationship. Thanks-
 
 
 
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SheasWay22

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Re: Relationship w/ girlfirend, fiance, or wife possible during law school?
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2006, 01:24:14 PM »
Wow, lots of views and zero replies. I wonder if people are scared to tell me the hard truth or if nobody has been bold enough to give this type situation a shot.
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unlvsin

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Re: Relationship w/ girlfirend, fiance, or wife possible during law school?
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2006, 01:33:18 PM »
I am a 1L and just finished my first semester.   I came into law school (UNLV - LAS VEGAS) with a girlfriend of about 2 years.  We went to undergrad together in CA.   She lives 8 hours away.   I thought it would be impossible to have a long-distance relationship (especially with me being in Vegas), but law school keeps you so busy (40+ hours a week) that you rarely have time to miss anyone.   She visits about once a month.   

I think it all comes down to what you and your gf/fiance/wife wants and how strong your relationship is / how hard you want to try and make it work.  It is definitely feasible but I would recommend sitting down with her and having a long, realistic talk because you will most likely not be able to give her the attention she wants during the semester.   But like I said, it can work and it is definitely possible ... but it all depends on each of your personalities and situations. 

Hope this helps.   

jacy85

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Re: Relationship w/ girlfirend, fiance, or wife possible during law school?
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2006, 02:37:05 PM »
My fiance and I were long distance for the first semester of law school.  He visited about once a month (would have been more, but flying is expensive), and now he's moved down to Atlanta, and we live together.  It's absolutely doable, but takes a lot of patience, understanding, and communication from both people.

Your SO needs to understand the time commitment of law school, and that there are times when it gets really bad (when memos and briefs are due, when finals roll around, etc.).  They need to know that you have tons of reading, outlining, briefing, drafting, etc. to do, and you can't skimp out on it.  You have responsiblities to her as well.  When you do spend time with her, it has to be quality time.  You need to make sure that you work well and effectively.  Right now I'm committing to having Friday night "date" night, and I'm trying to keep most of Sunday open for him.  He knows that weeks that are ridiculously heavy in terms of work, weekends around due dates, and pretty much the whole month of finals may disrupt this schedule.

Basically, make sure that your SO knows and feels like he/she is a big priority in your life, right behind school and your health.

Jumboshrimps

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Re: Relationship w/ girlfirend, fiance, or wife possible during law school?
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2006, 05:27:32 PM »
I think going to law school is an excellent way to test your relationship's durability. If you can't make it through law school, you certainly won't make it as couple when you're an attorney. There are really two worst-case scenarios:

1) Your SO is high maintanence and you end up miserable becasue he/she needs more attention. This is particularly probable if your SO has an unfulfilling job, no job at all, or is a bored student.

0r...

2) You become completely intollerable as a law student. You're guaranteed to be bad company, at least during 1L. Your relationship could become miserable if you're unable to check this tendency.

Law school is a crucible for relationships, really. I say go for it. The worst that can happen is that an unsustainable relationship is cut short. If you make it through and still want to be together, you've got yourself a life partner.

txaggie99

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Re: Relationship w/ girlfirend, fiance, or wife possible during law school?
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2006, 11:06:04 PM »
It's possible if you allow it to be and she isn't psycho!

I'm newly married and very involved in my church and I still survived my first year with no change in most of my outside relationships. How did I do it? I'm glad you asked...

1) MOST IMPORTANTLY - set aside time for just the two of you
and let her have the final say in what you do together. I promissed my wife that every Saturday at 6pm I would stop whatever I was doing and focus soley on her. The only time law school came up was if she asked me about it (didn't happen). It gets progressively more difficult to keep this promise as the semester progresses (especially finals), but you need to decide what you really want out of life. I have many lawyer friends that left love ones because they got in the way of their plans for corporate domination and now all they have to look at is an empty house. Money is nice to come home to, but it gets real old after a while.

2)"Help" her understand why you are doing what you are doing and what (if any) your goals are for the future. Most women I've met just want their men to be happy when they are out making a living. If you aren't already passionate about a law-related career, you're probably going to end up losing that relationship and flunk out of law school at the same time. Then you're really no where.

3) Don't take the stress out on her...ever! This is just common sense, but I know of at least one divorce caused by the violation of this rule.

4) Reaffirm the relationship - keep her happy and reminder her that you still care/love/like (whatever). I tried to send flowers every 45 days or so and leave notes or text messages with all that mushy stuff women love to hear. it may seem mechanical to you, but I can guarantee you she won't care.

5) She needs to respect your schedule.
- this is closly related to #2, but she needs to understand that study time means DO NOT DISTURB!! I screwed this one up big time and probably as a result droped a letter grade in each class. Over half way through the semester I realized that I couldn't study at home because she wanted to tell me everytime something came to her mind. She didn't mean any harm, but it threw me off at times that I really needed to focus. Now every weeknight I find a quiet corner at school and turn off the phone, IM, e-mail, etc. and study. I let her know when I'll be home and that's it. Now...here's the funny part...my wife got this one, but my friends didn't. I had to remind them that my cell phone is for MY convenience, not theirs.

6) Don't cheat...no brainer! There are tons of hot single women, and some married that don't care. If you care enough to even ask this question, just try not to look...it's distracting. As a side note...don't get in a study group with a bunch of these women (or even one). Not only is it potentially tempting, your SO will not understand and will always think the worst.


alright....I could keep going, but you get the idea. Everyone else on this thread seems on-point too. You're going to screw up, and she'll probably cry, but if you two are meant to be, it's going to work out. As tacky as it may sound, law school is a good test of the relationship. so true Jumbo!

ApproachTheBench

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Re: Relationship w/ girlfirend, fiance, or wife possible during law school?
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2006, 12:37:14 AM »
Of course it is.

I really think if you are studying 40 hours a week you are going way overboard- studying hard, not smart.  I don't know if I study 40 hours a semester (but that's pushing it.)

My wife comes before any school stuff anyways, that's not even a question.

I want to know where this guy in the post above mine is finding all these hot single women.  Maybe I'm at the wrong law school, but were I single I'd definitely be spending much more time with undergrads, townies, anybody but law students.  Women here are more or less busted.
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jd2b06

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Re: Relationship w/ girlfirend, fiance, or wife possible during law school?
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2006, 06:43:31 AM »
I honestly think it depends on the strength of your character.  If you don't know who you are and you don't know what you want out of life personally (because obviously you know what you want to do professionally) your relationship will have as many ups and downs as you have good and bad days.  If you get called on in class and you bomb and look stupid... you come home don't want to talk and really just want to be by yourself.  Or, if you ace your exam you come home, are ecstatic and want to celebrate. 

Before I left home... my bf and I decided to get married and somewhat rushed it... BIG MISTAKE.  We had only known one another for a year and the relationship couldn't possibly withstand the ups, downs and every which ways of the emotional roller coaster that is law school.  We divorced and the divorce was final a few months ago. 

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't have faith in your own relationship enduring and going the distance ... but the LAW STUDENT portion of the relationship... better know for sure they want that relationship no matter what.  They will make time and the extra effort necessary.  Because if the law student doesn't care and puts all other things behind law school it doesn't have a chance.

nonamesleftforme

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Re: Relationship w/ girlfirend, fiance, or wife possible during law school?
« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2006, 01:46:10 PM »
This is a very difficult situation, but I know a lot of people at my school who are married/engaged and they seem to make it work.  As one previous poster said though, during the difficult times of LS particularily the end of the semester, spouses and SOs come second.  I tell my married friend's spouses, "You're going to have to be a widow/widower for a few weeks here."  I mean, it sucks, but I applaud the people that can do it.

On a personal note, my BF of two years lives on the other side of the country.  After this year, I don't know if it's going to work out.  He wants me to transfer or come back and find a job.  Ugh, another relationship bites the dust I think.  >:(

lawgirl21

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Re: Relationship w/ girlfirend, fiance, or wife possible during law school?
« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2006, 08:56:29 PM »
I got married about 4 months before I started law school.  I have to say that I love being married and in law school..  My husband is a constant source of support for me and at the end of the day, it is nice to come home to a supportive loving person.. 

The downside to being married in law school is that your spouse often comes second to school work. As long as your spouse/girlfriend understands that the situation is temporary (really only your first year), then you can definitely make it work!  My husband works full time and with his long hours at work and my long hours at school, the only time I notice the effect of school is on the weekend...

It is possible to do!
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