Girlfriend Problems

[dft]

To quote Sonny from Bronx Tale, "She is a selfish broad and he should kick her to the curb."

Great movie.

Your ex boyfriend, and this chick, are both self centered D-bags. Maybe they should find each other.

ha

[professor]

One, everyone is unique.  Two, you can always find better fish in the sea.  Three, if she's acting immature about the situation, drop her.  Never get too attached to anything/anyone if to do so would result in more unneccesary stress in your life.  Yes, law school is very important; more important than a nagging girlfriend.  Your having posted on this site is proof that she's getting to you.  End it or let her end you. 

[giraffe205]

I feel for the girl. Girls can be really neurotic sometimes and men don't understand why. She's a good girl probably and small stuff like this can become big fights b/c men and women don't think alike. In the end, he'll be lonely w/ some trophy wife, who is just as neurotic, has a $10K boob job and tummy tuck that he paid for, two kids, and a demanding job. She'll be w/ another guy, still acting crazy and neurotic but at least her hearts in the right place. (Yes, I get carried away).

Like I said, girls want to feel like they're really special and the only one in the world for you. Right now she feels as if she's not the only one and must compete for your attn against not another woman but law school. (Unfortunately for you, in this case the fantasy where women fight and then make up can't happen). The more you neglect her, the harder she feels that she needs to fight for your attn. She doesn't realize that she's spinning the tires deeper in the mud. A lot of it is probably a security issue. In her mind, if you were to drive two hours, then it would prove that you want to be w/ her. It's a test. You're obviously going to fail. The trick is passing the test that she could never have dreamed of. That's what she really wants. She wants you to do something that even she didn't expect. That's why you should surprise her w/ something outrageous once finals are done.

Also, if she's not in law school, she probably just thinks that you can get by on studying the same amount that you did in college. She doesn't realize that it's a whole 'nother ball game.

[BigPimpinBU]

Aw, that's very idealistic, and largely correct - though I don't know about that trophy wife boob job thing.

[Suen2b]

My girlfriend's annoying me. What should I do?

 Dump and move on. You don't have time for getting annoyed in lawschool. There's enough of other girls around and after lawschool you can soon enough afford to pick from top shelf 99% of the time Like giraffe says, getting the trophy chick is easy then. I would take the 10K boobs, but would prefer her with a natural tummy (just MY preference)..

[BigPimpinBU]

While you are at it, throw in natural boobs that look like 10k.

[professor]

Imagine this: A reversal of roles.  Instead of the girl nagging over the guy not spending enough, the guy complains that the girl is not spending enough time with him and is instead consumed with law school.  Now what do we say?  Can we argue that the guy wants to feel special and unique and needs that attention to know that he is special and unique?  Can we say he is justified in wanting his girlfriend to drive 2 hours to come "watch T.V." with him and spend some quality time?  Or better yet, can we say that this girl should open her eyes or else she might find herself with a demanding job and a trophy husband with a $10K body scupture makeover who will be cheating on her with other women (but at least his heart is in the right place).  Can we say he is warranted in putting his girl through this "test," so that she can pass the test that he has never dreamed of.  Something outrageous?  No.  Thus, this broad is selfish and only thinking of herself.  Dump and move on.  

[giraffe205]

Professor, a similar situation happened to me. See the post above.

Ultimately, after being together w/ him for three years I found myself very unhappy and broke it off. Oddly, I now have a lot of trouble dating guys. Some guys think I'm a maturing trust fund that they could live off of. Other guys try to show me up  as if it were some competittion. Then there's the guys who think that being a lawyer is a piece of cake. You can spot them b/c the first thing that they say is "I should be a lawyer." The alternative is pretty bad. It's hard to find someone who you can really trust likes you for you. (As if girls don't already question whether guys just want them for sex).

I'm just trying to encourage mp to work it out. I don't think he's really that unhappy w/ his gf. He's just temporarily annoyed. Girls get annoying. Guys get annoying. But just b/c things get a little hard every now and then doesn't mean you should throw a good thing away. Relationships are hard. Yes, she's emotionally needy. But I'm sure his sex drive is needy too. (I'm sure guys like it when their girl surprises them ina way that they never expected, e.g., getting home from school to find her....). Plus, he also has emotional needs, like the need of a supportive gf during law school.

The problem isn't a girl who doesn't want her man to suceed in law school. It's the fact that she loves him so much that she wants him to be w/ her at whatever costs (including a terrible performance on finals).

That's just my take. I'm not saying that he should chose to perform terribly. I'm just encouraging him to work it out and do something special for her after finals.

[professor]

Giraffe, I see where you are coming from.  I, however, don't see the situation as "getting a little hard."  I see it as one girl selfishly crying for some attention (as if she doesn't get enough) while the guy is working his ass off trying to survive in law school.  Let's say mp does concede to his girl's wanting attention.  Okay, now what happens?  She presses him for more attention and more attention until he really can't stand her anymore.  It's human nature.  Once people see that they can get what they want, they start pushing to see how much more of it they can get. 

Indeed, both men and women have needs.  But then again, people have different reasons for getting involved in relationships.  I would say maybe it is best to re-evaluate each person's priorities.  If yours are with law school, fantastic.  If the other person's priorities are with attention, great.  It simply means that it is probably not in their best interest to be together since they both want two completely different things.  But whereas the guy is not complaining or forcing the girl to neglect her pursuit of attention, the girl is telling the guy to neglect his priority, namely, law school.  The two don't mix baby. 

I do, however, wish them both the best of luck.  I'm out. 

[aryeal]

After finals and after you've had a chance to unwind, it's time for a serious sit down if the relationship has any hope.  Law school priority isn't going away.  You can't go through this every exam or every research memo.  Plus, imagine the horrors of the bar exam!  And, as a practicing attorney, you won't be available at a moment's notice.

So, this is who you are - a law student and a future lawyer.  You can compromise during downtime, but you absolutely have to be selfish about law school when the chips are down.  She obviously feels insecure about the relationship.  If the insecurity can only be resolved by sacrificing your commitment to law school, then it's over.  If her insecurity is related to other issues, then maybe it can be worked out.

Sorry to be doom and gloom, but a high maintenance partner paired with a law student is not going to work out.