Law School Discussion

things actually said in court

things actually said in court
« on: August 14, 2005, 11:40:26 AM »
One of my friends who is getting his MBA sent me this in an email.

>>> Excerpts from Court Reporters
>>>These are from a book called Disorder in the American
>>>Courts, and are things people actually said in court,
>>>word for word, taken down and now published by court
>>>reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
>>>these exchanges were actually taking place.
>>>Q: Are you sexually active?
>>>A: No, I just lie there.
>>>_____________________________ __
>>>Q: What is your date of birth?
>>>A: July 15.
>>>Q: What year?
>>>A: Every year.
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>>>A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: This condition you have... does it affect your
>>>memory at all?
>>>A: Yes.
>>>Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>>>A: I forget.
>>>Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
>>>that you've forgotten?
>>>_____________________________ ________
>>>Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>>>A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
>>>Q: How long has he lived with you?
>>>A: Forty-five years.
>>>_____________________________ ________
>>>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
>>>when he woke up that morning?
>>>A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>>>Q: And why did that upset you?
>>>A: My name is Susan.
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
>>>in voodoo or the occult?
>>>A: We both do.
>>>Q: Voodoo?
>>>A: We do.
>>>Q: You do?
>>>A: Yes, voodoo.
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
>>>in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
>>>A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>>>_____________________________ ______
>>>Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
>>>_____________________________ ________
>>>Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
>>>A: Yes.
>>>Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: She had three children, right?
>>>A: Yes.
>>>Q: How many were boys?
>>>A: None.
>>>Q: Were there any girls?
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>>>A:! By death.
>>>Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: Can you describe the individual?
>>>A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>>>Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>>>deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>>>A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
>>>dead people?
>>>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
>>>did you go to?
>>>A: Oral.
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>>>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>>>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>>>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
>>>doing an autopsy.
>>>_____________________________ _________
>>>Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>>>____ _____________________________ _____
>>>Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
>>>check for a pulse?
>>>A: No.
>>>Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>>>A: No.
>>>Q: Did you check for breathing?!
>>>A: No.
>>>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
>>>when you began the autopsy?
>>>A: No.
>>>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>>>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>>>Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
>>>A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
>>>and practicing law somewhere.


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Re: things actually said in court
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2005, 05:37:36 PM »
this is hilarious.  thanks!