I am, by far, the Emperor of annoying classmates. I wear a three-piece suit to class, soak myself in cologne, raise my hand to answer every question, stutter through my eloquent replies, praise the Lord at random intervals, open every speech with a laundary list of my not-particularly-impressive accomplishments ("first place in the second-grade toy boat race"), answer my cell phone with a loud, proud Valley girl accent (even though I'm a guy), run guilt trips with sob stories about the poor kids who manufacture styrofoam, wheeze and sneeze, show off my fetus and my collection of mixed race kids, sing peppy songs, talk about the oppression of white people, toss out remarks like "I have black friends who...", try to roll up stairs in my wheelchair, discourse about fairness, and much, much, much more. I have made you miserable all this time and I will continue to do so. i will even pull some p.?@ost(m)oDern crap while defending Traditionalism and the Imperial I. I am a legend in my own time. I'm a gunner, a slacker, a slut, a virgin, a white man in blackface and a black man playing white. I am the kingpin of queerdom.
Bow before me.