Annoying classmates

[clicquot]

Are any of you feeling my pain? I am becoming more annoyed with my classmates every day. My class has a handful of "hand raisers," you know, the ones who feel that they have to say something every time the professor makes a point. How do I get these people to SHUT THE @#!* UP, so that I can learn something useful? I don't care about these people's opinions or comments. Plus, I resent the classroom being used as a platform to try to convince everyone that they are smart or legally gifted. How do I muzzle these people? I was thinking about using a tranquilizer dart or a rag and some duct tape, but I don't want to be charged with assault and battery. Does anyone have any suggestions???
Also, my 1L ABA reps are two complete morons who are on a power trip, screaming at everyone at the beginning of class, so that they can announce the school bake sale or some stupid *&^% like that. They were only appointed because no one else ran against them. Now, I feel like they must be dealt with in a violent manner. One of them is like, 16 years old, and believes that she is a "communicator" because she works as a teller at a bank. The other one is like, 50 years old, and is currently unemployed. What the @#!*

[DOWNY]

I have a few to add as well:


To Smelly Girl in Con Law:

Take a f**cking shower. You attend a highly regarded law school so I fail to believe that you are too f**cking stupid to know the basic methods of common hygiene. Showers/soap/shampoo are not new inventions. Seriously, you smell like *&^%, and I hate you. When I get to Con Law each day I can't stop myself from hoping you got in a car accident and won't be there that day. The first time you sat next to me I noticed the pungent, acidic stench of rotten BO mixed nicely with something I couldn't identify- semen, vomit, herpes? It's anyone's guess, really. You f**cking reek and I hate it. Clean yourself off, there are pigs that roll around in shitpiles all day that smell better than you. Even if you graduate from law school you will still smell like *&^% and no one will hire you- what employer wants to hire Smelly Girl? You will bomb in every interview, even if you are top in the class.

Also, learn how to sit in a chair properly. This means not floundering around like a beached whale in death throes, as it shakes the entire table and jostles everyone else. I understand that you're horribly obese and your ass probably doesn't fit in normal chairs, but that really isn't an excuse to thrash around spasmically- I am surprised your fat ass hasn't injured someone yet. You can bet I'm suing you if the table breaks and injures me. Finally, learn how to sit up like a normal human being. I am so f**cking tired of when your elbow touches my shirt. I don't care that the tables are slightly cramped. Type with your face if you have to, I don't care. Just don't f**cking touch me, you smelly female dog. Also be sure not to let your laptop powercord touch mine, because yours is probably smelly and dirty and mine is immaculate and beautiful. Keep it away, stinky.

And to the f**cker that always talks to her- what is wrong with you? Don't you know she smells like *&^%? Are you f**cking stupid? Yes, you are, thanks for playing.

To feminine hygiene product Bag in Torts:

Shut the f**ck up loser. No one likes you. When you walk by girls make a vomiting motion and we laugh- yes, this really happens. I am so sick of seeing your hand pop up every 5 minutes- you never have anything of value to say. Why do you have such an insatiable need to hear yourself talk? I f**cking hate you and so does everyone else. I hope you fail out of law school, then I will laugh at you even more, jackass. If you do stay, that's fine, because no one likes you anyway. You always sit alone at lunch and pretend to read a casebook, but obviously you just stare at the pages because during class you are too f**cking dumb to get a single answer right. Stop raising you hand, you only make yourself look stupid.

To Dumb Girl #1 and Dumb Girl #2 in Civ Pro:

Dumb Girl #1 and Dumb Girl #2 are best friends. They sit next to each other and talk about insipid topics such as pedicures or their loserf**cker boyfriends. Then class begins, and Dumb Girl #1 raises her hand at the first opportunity. IT IS CIVIL PROCEDURE. IT IS NOT CRIM. We do not care that you majored in criminal justice at a T.T.T. Shut the f**ck up. Great work knowing what "evidence" is, too bad it's irrelevant to personal jurisdiction. Nice work keeping up on Law and Order and Judge Judy.

Later, Dumb Girl #2 will raise her hand to say something brilliant such as, "Well, um, I sort of get it, but like what will happen if a meteor lands on the defendant, or if Godzilla invades?" You will fail out of law school, you dumb female dog- that's what will f**cking happen.

You will both make fine additions to a law firm someday, making coffee and giving blowjobs.


To Loserf**cker Old Man in Torts:

You piss me off more than anyone besides Smelly Girl. I thought you would be smart, given that you're 43 years old. Nope, I was seriously wrong. You are a f**cking idiot and your wife must hate sleeping with you. Why do you raise you hand constantly- you are a moron. Don't speak up in class to say things like, "This reminds me of what we were talking about on Friday!!" No *&^%, dumbass, we were covering the same topic on Friday. You are a loser and you should do us all a favor by throwing yourself off a bridge.

[DOWNY]

This is officially the best thread ever created in this students/graduates forum.

I have more hatred about law students:


1. f**ck you, Suitcase Girl.

Ok, so this one girl in my class pulls this f**ckING ENORMOUS suitcase with her wherever she goes. We have tiled floors in the hall which makes this rolling monstrosity ridiculously loud whenever she walks. 'Wtf is that? Is an airplane about to land on the roof?' No, that's just suitcase girl, pulling all of her worldly belongings to class with her, like those homeless people who put everything they have in shopping carts.

Suitcase Girl, what the f**ck is in there? You're going to CLASS, not to scale Mt. Kilimanjaro. Learn how to not be a f**cking retard, do they offer that as a class to 1Ls? They should.

And to the guy who uses a rolling backpack- you are a f**cking loser, pull your testicles out of your ass and learn how not to be a dipshit. Also never talk to me because I hate you and think you're a loser and a nerd. In your spare time, why don't you learn how to piss standing up.

[DOWNY]

@#!* you too, Big Mouth Laughing Girl:

All of us have her in at least one class. She's the moronic toolbox female dog who must laugh as loudly as possible no matter how inane a professor's joke is. "Knock knock, who's there? A tort." AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Yeah, she's that one- mouth opened to the limits of human physiology, wild eyed, looking as though she is about to give head to the universe. I f-ing hate you, Big Mouth Laughing Girl. Did it ever occur to you that laughing like a hyena on crack will not get you a good grade on the exam? Do you know what "anonymous" means? Are you f-ing stupid?

Hey, I have a great idea- why don't you raise your hand and propose a "hypothetical" that is a mirror-image replica of the other case we were supposed to read for that day? Pass it off as if you thought of that brilliant exception all by yourself. Then, when 100 other students start laughing at you, pretend that it's because you're so f-ing smart and funny. Yes, this happened.

I hate you, Big Mouthed Laughing Girl. Here's a joke: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: GO @#!* YOURSELF female dog.

haha. That's a good one, isn't it?

[clicquot]

To those Typhoid Mary's out there,

      Stay f**cking home! You know who you are. You are the germ infested bastard that comes to class with a snot rag hanging out of your nose and then places  it on the table for some unsuspecting student in the next class to catch your tuberculosis, hepatitis, scabies, etc. You always cough and hack up phlegm during class and don't have the common decency to excuse yourself. When you sneeze, your nose spray, filled with disease, is propelled toward innocent bystanders. You are constantly attempting to drain your nose by sniffing as hard as you can so that you can swallow your own mucus. Everyone is repulsed by your sounds, but you selfishly refuse to stay home. You are a contagious dipshit and obviously have not heard the news that there is a severe flu shot shortage in the U.S. Therefore, your classmates are subject to your sickness and you don't care. I know that your disgusting and revolting appearance has left you with no one to get notes from. However, exercise some common courtesy towards the healthy and do not contaminate the rest of us. I would appreciate not having to spend the rest of the semester carrying vitamin C lozenges around with me in my bag to protect myself from you, like a priest wearing garlic around his neck for protection from vampires. Guess what? You ARE the f**cking class vampire! Find a f-ing leper colony and stay there until the CDC has come up with a cure for whatever disease you are spreading! If you fail to heed my advice, I will personally shove that package of pocket Kleenex up your ass, along with a bottle of Lysol disinfectant!

[DOWNY]

f**ck you, Eating Kid:

You know who you are, f**cker- you're the kid who's always eating something. I am so sick of seing you bite into an apple and then set it down on the desk- first, that is unhygenic for you, hopefully you will get AIDS from this someday. Second, it is unhygenic and disgusting for the rest of us- I really don't want to set my laptop down in your spittle, you dumbshit.

Why are you always eating? If you have some medical condition, then it's somehwat tolerable, but f**ck you nonetheless. No, actually f**ck you even more because if you've had this condition your entire life and still cannot manage a modicum of decency in your eating habits, then you are a retard and DOWNY hates you.

Stop eating all the time, f**cker!

[Dicta]

Wow, it's good to know Third Tier Toilets like mine don't have the exclusive on annoying classmates. I can't imagine paying $33,000 a year to sit next to someone who stinks, laughs loudly, eats, snorts snot, sneezes, asks questions or generally acts like a human being.
That must really suck......

Downy, sweetie, obviously you are really missing your bong. I had no idea you were so full of vitriol and spew. I thought pot made people mellow and I thought people for peace were peaceful.
Y'all need to masturbate more or shell out some of daddy's money for a prostitute....
Maybe sign up to go kill people in Iraq....or just lift some weights?
My humble opinion. I wouldn't s#it you guys, you're my favorite turds!
 

[DOWNY]

Wow, it's good to know Third Tier Toilets like mine don't have the exclusive on annoying classmates. I can't imagine paying $33,000 a year to sit next to someone who stinks, laughs loudly, eats, snorts snot, sneezes, asks questions or generally acts like a human being.
That must really suck......

Yeah, sad to say that Third Tier Toilets are not the only schools that have disgusting people. DOWNY hates most people and finds them useless. I wish law school only cost $33K per year. The estimated cost of attendance provided by the school is $42K. A school I turned down had an estimated cost of attendance of $52K per year. And that's before you factor in things like hookers and coke.

Downy, sweetie, obviously you are really missing your bong. I had no idea you were so full of vitriol and spew.

Yes, DOWNY is a spiteful fucker. Weed cannot solve my underlying disgust with humanity.

Y'all need to masturbate more or shell out some of daddy's money for a prostitute....

What makes you assume that I have "daddy's money" to spend? And what's wrong with that, anyway?

[Dicta]

Downy, honey, please don't get upset with me. I did not say anything was wrong with spending Daddy's money. I have spent much of it. That's what Daddy's are for.
Maybe you could work out a "buy in bulk" arrangement for the hookers and coke. Or, like, get a discount for paying in advance?
I used to hate most people too. I don't anymore. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just old and tired?
I am anxiously awaiting a new picture of you.......
Susan

[dgatl]

This is to YOU, Mr. Popped Collar Pink Shirt -

I rode the shuttle with you today.  The guys were checking you out.  Not the girls.  Did you give them your number?  I'll bet you tried to get the number of the cute hispanic girl, but then again, she denied you like every other girl at the law school.  Do you think it has anything to do with your pink popped collar shirt?  Do you know how distracting it is to see that, especially when I sit behind you in class?  Do you know how disturbed I am by this whole phenomenon?  By the way, shut your f-ing mouth.  You're not a pimp.  You will never be as great as me.  And when my fist accidently connects with your jaw, I won't be sorry.