it makes me nervous to sit in the crowded lecture hall. it wasn't always that way. when i first got here, there was no shame. there was only the competition. i was on my mark. i was ready to shine. and i did shine. i said something once that made 60 plus people simultaneously swivel their domes in my direction like a scene out of invasion of the body snatchers. the prof rewarded my observation with a verbal clap on the back, and i trotted away with this biscuit in my mouth like a sassy fancy poodle with painted toenails. a swaggering man-female dog. i peacocked in the elevators for a few days. fanned my tail.
yet, less than a week later, i was the subject of the most uproarious laughter. i had the entire class laughing at my ass. laughing at, not laughing with. everybody except the prof, who'd no doubt witnessed this classic turnabout innumerable times, every year he'd been teaching. he smiled openly, but the scene wasn't funny enough to make him laugh out loud. i was the shaved billygoat hee-hawing in the middle of the drum circle. wearing diapers. he'd seen it a million f-ing times, no doubt. he'd probably placed a mental bet on the date i'd show my assness, lol. yet, check this: so ignorant was i of the sheer idiocy of my mulish assbray, that it took me a few minutes to even figure out why mugs were suddenly laughing at me, lol...
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