Law School Discussion

Dating question

txgirl

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Dating question
« on: March 22, 2005, 02:13:43 PM »
Girl meets boy.  Girl dates boy.  Boy starts sending out mix messages, not being able to make concrete plans, etc, so girl stops seeing boy.  Girl starts booty calling boy.  Girl and boy hook up, and booty calls continue for a few months, but on girls terms (meaning, girl does the calling).  Girl realizes she doesn't want to have meaningless encounters, so girl tells boy she will try not to initiate contact but for boy to refrain from returning calls if calls are made.  A month later girl slips up and contacts boy.  Boy does not uphold his end of the bargain and returns messages.  Luckily girl passed out and did not received calls.  Boy calls after that but girl avoids calls.  A couple of months pass and girl and boy bump into each other.  Boy tells girl the rule is unfair.  Girl tells boy how situation wasn't good for girl.  Boy says they should hang out with no alcohol involve, dinner maybe.  So is boy now interested in something serious, or is he just wanting booty but willing to compromise....????

Re: Dating question
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2005, 02:20:59 PM »
any answer you get here will be more indicative of the answerer's predilictions than anything else.

you are closest to the situation, you have all the info.  We are just bored internet strangers.

so, who knows?  but if ya like the guy, try it out.  if ya get burnt again, well, that's part of life.  ya learn some lessons harder than others, but they are all valuable.  On the other hand, you could just as easily chill...  it's the only way you can guarantee yourself a pain-free situation...  but there'll always be the next boy that makes it or breaks it for you.

I guess what I'm saying is that you gotta find the balance between bangin your head against the wall - making the same mistakes with the same guy - and the alternative - taking more chances/higher risks - with the corresponding higher potential returns/losses...

txgirl

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2005, 02:26:58 PM »
Very wise answer, Mike, but that doesn't clear it up for me any.

jacy85

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2005, 02:35:24 PM »
Eh, I say have dinner with boy.  If it turns out boy really only wants sex, you'll probably be able to figure it out.  Or else make a rule to yourself that you'll have dinner, but you WILL NOT go home with the guy.

Maybe you'll both have a lot of fun, and he really is interested again.  The only way to really tell is to not have sex with him, and see if he still calls.

_EKC_

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2005, 02:38:05 PM »
yup, and at the very least, you get a free dinner  ;) just make him take you somewhere nice!!

lp4law

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2005, 04:03:58 PM »
Girl meets boy.  Girl dates boy.  Boy starts sending out mix messages, not being able to make concrete plans, etc, so girl stops seeing boy.  Girl starts booty calling boy.  Girl and boy hook up, and booty calls continue for a few months, but on girls terms (meaning, girl does the calling).  Girl realizes she doesn't want to have meaningless encounters, so girl tells boy she will try not to initiate contact but for boy to refrain from returning calls if calls are made.  A month later girl slips up and contacts boy.  Boy does not uphold his end of the bargain and returns messages.  Luckily girl passed out and did not received calls.  Boy calls after that but girl avoids calls.  A couple of months pass and girl and boy bump into each other.  Boy tells girl the rule is unfair.  Girl tells boy how situation wasn't good for girl.  Boy says they should hang out with no alcohol involve, dinner maybe.  So is boy now interested in something serious, or is he just wanting booty but willing to compromise....????

I'm not sure that a girl actually "booty calls" in a hetero situation.  You ain't callin' booty; you're offering booty. There might be another term for that, but unless this guy's a little more adventurous than I am, booty call probably ain't the best term.  I could be wrong. ;D

That said, why do women so frequently consider good sex by itself to be a "meaningless encounter"?  Is the experience of going to a museum and enjoying the sight of a beautiful painting meaningless, just because you don't get to take it home with you to keep forever? Please, 'splain to me.

From your story it seems like you're doing what so many women tend to do, ration out or withhold sex as positive or negative reinforcement to train the guy to parrot certain select lines or behaviors.  Then you turn around and actually believe that those things you've trained him to do and say in exchange for sex come from his own heart.  Then you get pissed off when the relationship ends because he was really just reading the script that you gave him. 

If he wants to spend the rest of his life with you (or evening, for that matter), let him come to that conclusion on his own.  In the meantime, go out and enjoy the one thing you know is fo' real.

txgirl

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2005, 06:12:36 AM »
Yes, girls can initiate the call and have the call still be called booty call.  Booty call doesn't literally have to involve 'booty' action....

Quote
From your story it seems like you're doing what so many women tend to do, ration out or withhold sex as positive or negative reinforcement to train the guy to parrot certain select lines or behaviors.  Then you turn around and actually believe that those things you've trained him to do and say in exchange for sex come from his own heart.  Then you get pissed off when the relationship ends because he was really just reading the script that you gave him.

No, I don't think that's the case here.

txgirl

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #7 on: March 23, 2005, 06:23:02 AM »
Quote
Quote
From your story it seems like you're doing what so many women tend to do, ration out or withhold sex as positive or negative reinforcement to train the guy to parrot certain select lines or behaviors.  Then you turn around and actually believe that those things you've trained him to do and say in exchange for sex come from his own heart.  Then you get pissed off when the relationship ends because he was really just reading the script that you gave him.

No, I don't think that's the case here

Let me clarify:

Girl, or, erm, I wasn't withholding sex in hopes that he'd shape up.  I cut it off because I wanted the whole thing to end.  I didn't expect to see him again or that he'd even want to see me again under any circumstances, since I kinda went psycho on his ass the last time we saw each other.  As for the guy's reaction...that is actually what I'm wondering about...is he being for real or is he only doing this because he isn't getting any at the moment.

Re: Dating question
« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2005, 07:57:28 AM »
I am about to suggest the most trite thing imagineable, but I swear to God this will help you out. Go pick up "Be Honest -- You're Not That Into Him Either" and flip through it. Just by reading the chapter headings, you'll be able to cut to the chase on what advice is relevant to your situation.

lp4law

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Re: Dating question
« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2005, 08:39:09 AM »
As for the guy's reaction...that is actually what I'm wondering about...is he being for real or is he only doing this because he isn't getting any at the moment.

What is "being for real"?  I think your emotional demands are distancing this guy emotionally (happens all the time).  What do you want, a ring from him?  Do you want him to tell you he loves you, so that you can feel less guilty about having sex with him?  Are you Catholic or something?  Just bang the guy for God's sake.