i'll add a little salt to the wounds... family relationships are different than formal or social relationships where the mode of interation can be defined, agreed upon, and followed. Even though this sounds like it should work for husband / wife on a superficial level, the relationship is much much deeper.let's move the focus slightly... let's take the parent / child relationship. While some might think it's ok for a parent to joke with their children about being overweight, unattractive, or dimwitted, given the conditions that the parents communicate this is to be taken in jest, in my opinion this clearly is not acceptable, because despite the formal rhetoric of not to take it seriously, the child will internalize it as part of his/her identity. while it might not have an immediate effect on the child, the potential for harm to show up in other mysterious ways is increased.. especially on self esteem. This is all part of one's perception of self which consists of not only of individual choice, but also contains a family and social identity. A child of course is the obvious example because of his/her development... one might argue, 'Get over it! this is an adult wife', however i think it's equally valid to claim, just as many posters have, that husband/wife still grow and develop over time, and this maturation process at the family level still operates under similar mechanisms as a developing child. (stage theorists arise!)so from a contractual point of view, it is certainly ok to say the wife is fat/ugly... from a family / moral point of view, the question and outcome may be different. as adults and especially males, im sure we'd like to think of the world as a series of contracts and hand-shakes, but in regards to family the perception of what the signficant others truly believe deep down inside is much more powerful... and yes choice of words can convey this.anyway, my post is not directed against BigTex per so, but more to the general argument of family/husband/wife relationships. oh.. and I hate Oprah.
i always interpretted teasing as an insidious form of bullying
Quote from: Lost Tourist on February 03, 2005, 12:16:38 PMi always interpretted teasing as an insidious form of bullyingSometimes true. Sometimes not. At my grandmother's house, when I'm stuffing my face full of tamales at Christmas time, family often says to me: "ohhh - you're working on that belly i see!".It's very endearing attention and makes me feel good.
The comment to his wife was harmless only because the schema in which it existed was so warped and twisted.
Quote from: I hear America singing on February 03, 2005, 12:52:56 PMThe comment to his wife was harmless only because the schema in which it existed was so warped and twisted.Ya, not being overly sensitive about physical appearance is twisted and wrong. I can't stand all those idiots who are self-confident in their appearance.
1. Read the entire post.2. The word "fat" has negative connotations, regardless of the schema in which it exists. If he were "teasing" he could have used a word like "fleshy" or "corpulent".